My husband has female friends should I be concerned?
My husband and I have been married for 7 years we have a little boy together. We were separated for 9 months and he came back to visit me and my son recently so we could work on our family.
My husband has this female best friend that he’s known for 20+ years he knew her since school. He said he and her never dated or had a relationship besides being friends. This woman told my husband that I cut her off from him back in the day when I never said that. Since my husband never introduced me and her together I introduced myself to her via email (he was there when I sent the email and he knew every word I wrote) and she twisted my words around making me look like a bad person and my husband felt the same way saying I cut him off from her and he also resents me for it!!! I told my husband I am your wife you knew everything I said to her via email I never cut y’all off and that you always had her contact info the least you could do is defend me. He said he didn’t defend me cuz he didn’t wanna be with me anymore I told him you were still with me at that time and you are still with me now! He said I’m controlling and jealous and that I have trust issues and if our marriage is going to survive I have to trust him!
When he came back to visit us, I found a couple of emails he wrote to another woman (I was using his laptop one day). I did some research and it turns out this woman is an internet webcam stripper from iFriends whom he befriended. He spent lots of money on her. He is a guillable man and believes everything the stripper tells him. I told him that he needs to quit talking to this webcam stripper because it’s harming our marriage and he told me to leave her out of it and that he had already spent alot of money on her around 00 for her private shows. He still emailed her wishing her a Happy New Year. He said he only considers her as a friend and isn’t interested seeing her naked anymore and he said that she is a good person and she gave him the emotional support he needed when we were separated and he told me he doesn’t like when I refer this woman as a webcam stripper. And then he said he doesn’t want to lose her as a friend and if I tell him to quit contact with her he will just become more distant to me. I asked him "Why should befriend a stripper what do I have in common with her besides you saw us both naked??!"
I do not know what to do anymore I am trying to save my marriage and stop my divorce but I feel I can’t do it without his help. I had already filed for divorced and he also filed when he was served divorce papers. We both told our divorce lawyers to hold on to our papers so we can try to salvage our marriage but I feel like I am the only one who’s trying on my own.
I went to counseling. I read lots of relationship and marriage books. I try to be the best wife he says I’m beautiful and sexy but apparently I am not good enough for him.
I need advice help!
i do not plan on dating when i am still married even when I’m separated i don’t want to committ adultery.
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Tagged with: 9 months • alot of money • Bad Person • being friends • best friend • email • emotional support • female friends • good person • happy new year • internet webcam • lots of money • marriage • new year • relationship • Stripper • trust issues • woman • Word 97
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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He is not interested in building a healthy relationship with you, and from the sound of it anyone else. The web sex is a fantasy, and it appears he is thouroughly ingrossed in his own fantasy world. He is already gone, just not physically yet. In his mind his own needs supercede the relationships needs and your needs as well. To have a healthy relationship all 3 parts need to be nutured. His individual needs, Your individual needs, and the needs of the relationship! He" only batting 1 out of 3, and you know which 1…his needs. This is just info, I can’t give you advise on how to handle this information, or what action to take, you have to figure that part out for yourself, given the facts.
That’s disgusting. Not the stripper or the female friend … but that you are allowing yourself to settle for so very little in life.
You should stay with him it is better to put up with what you got because I doubt you will find anyone else
Do you know if he had committed physical adultery? It sounds like emotional adultery. This is just as bad in the eye sight of God! Now you said that you are trying to save your marriage, that’s good. The word of God says that, God is on the side of the righteous. Pray that God’s will be done and not your own. God bless.
He seems too frustrating right now. Maybe ya’ll should legally separate until further notice -like until he changes, or until you meet someone else who wants what you want. Don’t introduce any strangers into your child’s life though. They don’t need to be thinking they have a new dad and then suddenly the new dad disappears if things don’t work out. Send him to a RELIABLE babysitter if you need to start dating someone. You just need to use self control in this situation.
I know you’re upset about your marriage and I’m not trying to slam you, but if you are truly interested in getting to the bottom of the problems in your marriage, I think you need to be very objective and honest with yourself about whether or not you are a jealous and controlling person. Bypassing your husband end emailing his female friend directly, regardless of him being present and aware of him doing it, was an aggressive move that appears unprovoked. So he knew you were doing it—what was he supposed to do? If he protested or intervened, it would seem like he was guilty of something and you know it. When you emailed her, you were doing two calculated things. First, you were sending her the message that you were aware of their friendship and your emailing her directly without ever being introduced sent the message that you felt there was a reason for the two of you to be introduced regardless of your husband’s participation in the introduction. This disregard for the basic social process of introduction was accusatory in nature. The second calculated thing you did when you emailed her was watch your husband’s reaction to see if he was going to be upset over you emailing her. This was accusatory in nature as well. You did this and then told him that he can’t complain because he had the opportunity to object to you emailing her—yet you know very well that any objection he showed would have appeared self-incriminating. That was manipulative. What you should have done is asked him to introduce the two of you by normal means. Following typical social practices would have shown non-accusatory respect towards their friendship and would have allowed for an equitable and neutral starting point for investigating the full nature of their friendship. You didn’t do this. You went straight to taking aggressive and accusatory measures.
This is a major pattern of jealousy and control that you need to get under control if you want to be married. That stuff just does not work in adult marriages. You need to be honest about this with your husband and apologize and tell him you will make more of an effort in the future to be less jealous. At the same time though, if he is serious about saving your marriage as well, he needs to be real about the fact that his relationship with this woman no longer falls under the category of simple friend and he needs to drop that relationship now, no questions asked. He needs to make a decision and move forward. He needs to get over you being jealous in the past and commit to starting over fresh. This doesn’t mean that you can pull this stuff on every female friendship he has, but he needs to let this go and move forward if he is serious about staying together. He needs to respect your marriage and paying an online interactive sex worker is not a regular friendship. However, you need to respect him as a regular person who can have friends of whatever gender he wants without being subject to your unjustified scrutiny. Simply being married is not grounds for being suspicious of every female friend. I think you both probably have some growing up to do, and most importantly you need to think about your kid. Is being right or giving in to your jealousy worth tearing your little boy’s heart out? Is maintaining this friendship with this other woman worth tearing his little boy’s heart out? It’s not. It’s not. It’s not. Nothing is. I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t mean to be mean at all, I just think you need to be very honest with yourself. I hope that you will end up in a happier and better situation, whether it’s an improved marriage with your current husband, a new relationship down the road, or a happy life as a single person. This feels like a big deal in YOUR life and in your marriage, but how you and your husband navigate this will undoubtedly alter the course of your son’s entire life. There is no softening it. It will be a significant event, if not the most significant altering factor in his life. People never really get over it. This is no time to be petty, obstinate, stubborn, immature, or dishonest. This is the time to be real—for your kid.
hi dear your matter is very serious, but faith on god , god will help my suggation for uou that you dont take the action immediatly, one my brother in law also involve this type problem, and i suggest to him that you ask ur husband to meet him alone say some problem for your kid, then he see the problem, in world every father can not see his kids in problem, you tell him after this sepration i and you involve other life but our kids feel very bad, when he will young than he feel very bad,
give me the reply dear
I am in a less drastic situation, but I think I would know where to draw the line on this one. My situation is my husband found his female best friend from his early high school years on facebook and sent her a friend request. He has not seen her in over 15 yrs (please also know that I met my husband is high school and I have met his female best friend on several occasions back when we were in high school). Anyway, they are to the point of texting each other about twice a week. So far the texts have been just small chat. Like “how are you?” or “how was your weekend?”. But if I EVER find that this gets out of hand and becomes more then just “small talk”, I will make him choose, either her or me. He can not have his cake and eat it too! I already feel disrespected as his wife. And anything further will put our marriage in jeopardy. Now with that being said, your situation is 1,000 times worse then mine and I can advise you…It is time for you to leave him. He will never change and has no respect for you. You need to get out of that marriage and find someone who treats you with respect. Trust me there is someone else out there for you, that WILL treat you better. I know this is also true for me that is why I am not afraid to let go of him if/when he and her become more then friends.