My husband is leaving me for his ex-wife from 20 years ago-I am dying inside-please help?
We have beeen married 5 years. Normal ups and downs. Second for both. He is 56 I am 48.
I am unemployed but have been looking for work for a couple of years now. no jobs in the only thing have ever done-dental office for 20+ years. We were making it on his pay-but no more luxuries like when I was working.
His ex-wife who is out of state called him out of the blue a few months ago. After 19 years apart. They have one daughter 30, and she knows he remarried. She is going through a bad divorce and now realizes after all these years my husband was the only one for her!
He left her because she cheated on him repeatedly.
I found a text on his phone-a gut feeling told me to check. She left him one saying she was so happy he would be giving her another chance and she would never hurt him again!
Long story short, he is leaving me for her. I was a good loving, faithful wife. I made a nice home for him and denied him nothing. She makes good money and part of me thinks he is sick of supporting me and going without, With her they would live high on the hog.
I am in shock. I am hurting so badly because I cannot even imagine why someone would choose a cheater over the real thing. She told him she changed. They have been emailing for a while, and I asked him why as it was disrespectful to me. He said she was only calling him because she has no family and no one else and it would stop. It didn’t and escalated into this. After 20 years apart?
The house was mine when we married-in my name only. There is zero equity in it so if I sold it I might not even break even. I have no money of my own. Even though i could temporarily stay with my parents for a while, I will be homeless without anything but the clotthes on my back. I can’t afford to store my furniture with no money.
I spoke to a lawyer and he said the most I could get for alimony is maybe 0 week for a couple of years. I am losing not only my marriage but everything I worked so hard for all of my life. i have no choice-my family has no money either. My 18 year old son from first marriage lives with me. he is crushed as he really loved his step-dad. Now at 48 I will be moving in with my parents and filing bancruptcy. No money to pay credit cards, car ins., etc.
What was he thinking? The money? That she really changed? My lawyer said she didn’t really want HIM, but the security and familiarity of him after her second husband left her.
How can I cope? My world has disappeared in a matter of days. I know I could never take him back after this (IF he ever wanted that) I am just so confused-what was he thinking????
We are living our lives, she calls out of the blue after no contact for years, and now my marriage is over. Please advise I am losing everything I ever had and I am crushed in every way.
Related Posts - I want to save my marriage..please help? My husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years and I thought everything was great until about 2 months ago he had some form of a midlife crisis (hes only 36) about how we dont have kids (I cant) and he feels worthless etc..so we got......
- Why do catholics believe these things? Question~ "Why is it that Catholic doctrine states the Pope is infallible" God says "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in MAN" Psalm 118:8 "As it is written, There is NONE righteous, NO NOT ONE:" Romans 3:10 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question~ "Why does Catholic doctrine state......
- How would feel if your ex said this to you? A few weeks ago I broke things off with my ex. She called me the other day to let me know that I left some clothes at her place. During our conversation she mentioned out of the clear blue that she went on a date last Friday. How would you......
- How do I reconect with my husband, I think I'm fallin out of love for him...Advice please!? We married 1 1/2 years ago. He was 23 I was 18. We got married because I was pregnant. Ok so i'm 20 years old now with a 11 month old baby. I finished high school and my intention was to go to college but I was having problems at......
- I want to get revenge on my ex girlfriend? my ex girlfriend really did me wrong bad last year after all the love i gave to her! it felt like she just punched a hole into my chest and ripped my heart out and stomped on it! and i am still dealing with it after 5 months of her......
- My Ex-Girlfriend Of 3 1/2 Years Won't Let Me Talk To Her? My ex-girlfriend of 3 1/2 years won't let me talk to her...what should I do? We got together the summer before senior year of high school. The last year or so has been 5 hour drive long distance relationship. We didn't ever fight about being apart and we never let......
- How do I get my ex back?!?!?! I screwed up our relationship? I have been through a couple rocky relationships in my young life (I'm 23). My first boyfriend was controlling, jealous, put me down a lot, etc. My second boyfriend cheated on me a few times before I finally broke it off with him. I just graduated college and met a......
- Widgi Creek Golf Club, Bend, OR Widgi Creek Golf Club is located in: Bend, OR Phone: (541) 382-4449 Website: http://www.widgi.com/golf/hours.cfm Course History: This is a great place to stop if you will be in the Bend, OR area. We fell in love with this course and can't wait to go back. It is extremely beautiful and......
- Relationship after kinda cheating? This is going to be very detailed. So only read if you are willing to help. About 7 months ago, Blake* and I met. We became bestfriends and we were dating (not bf and gf). Well about 4 months into the relationship, he was deployed for 2 months. Before he......
- Alternative Income Streams Progress - Early December This is the fourth installment tracking of my alternative income streams plan and progress. This month I'm showing very good progress in creating more money outside my job. I had at least 6 Prosper.com loans get verified in the last two weeks and this blog has been getting a little......
- Saturday Lotto AU 4million Tracking through the NSW Lotto recent results, some quite extreme situations have occured in the patterns analysed. The sum totals have been difficult to predict, as there were 3 games in a row where the smallest number was 19, 20, 21 consecutively, this had not occured for 135 draws. The......
- Powerball AU 9million Nice first prize, not so easy to predict result, with sum totals and ANY filters not showing much clear direction. Look for a predominance of small numbers possibly, with a couple coming from way back in the draws. Numbers running HOT: 1 5 12 29 39 40 42 44 Numbers......
- Treating Tendonitis And Elbow Injury Tendonitis is a pathological state of tendons, the connective tissues, characterized by inflammation. Associated with over use of muscles and old age, it experiences pain and irritation in the specific area. Tendon: A Tendon is a connective tissue. It connects the bones to muscles of a body characterized by its......
- Weakonomics Weekend Edition: TinyURL.com Edition So my friends, what did you get for the holidays? If you go back a few weeks you can see I wanted the following for Christmas: A few business books Gift card to Kohls for work clothes Lego Star Wars for Nintendo Wii Cheap Tom Tom GPS navigation system And......
Tagged with: 19 years • alimony • cheater • dental office • divorce • Ex Wife • faithful wife • furniture • gut feeling • high on the hog • jobs • lawyer • luxuries • marriage • money • out of the blue • parents • shock • ups • ups and downs
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
I know how rough this is for you, but you are not without options. Get another lawyer. That one has a defeatist attitude and won’t work to your best end. You may not get much in the way of spousal support for a 5 year marriage but you should get at least two and a half years of support to help you get back in the work force and he should be required to assume all marital debt, given that he is employed and you are not. Hang on to your house as best you can until the market improves. It’s still an asset even if it’s not marketable as much at the moment. Cite abandonment in your response to the divorce. Don’t make it easy for him by simply signing whatever is put before you. Play this game tough. You may be feeling defeated and hurt, but play tough. You can come out of this okay.
I’d go after this guy for everything he has.
As for the house, perhaps sign it over to your son so your ex can’t have any claim to it.
Get yourself some counseling and work on building a life on your own.
It’s hard, but think about it. Would you really want a man who picks a woman based on money? Remove the emotions from the equation and start dealing with facts only. Get a job. There are dental office jobs available, but if not in your area, then do what ever you have to do to earn a paycheck. Go on Craigslist and do daily events. Hook up with McDonalds. Anything. Apply for ever dime of state assistance available. Take control of your life.
I don’t think you’ll find your solution in a single answer from Yahoo Answers. Try this: http://www.divorcesupport.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php/Cat/0
It won’t solve your problems, but at least there’s people on that site that can give you some emotional support and advice as you go through this.
You are asking the same question that so many people ask. The answer lies in W. Harley’s book "His Needs / Her Needs". Pick it up and see for yourself where it all went bad.
Also, google up divorcecare.com and GO ! The 13 weeks will bring you to understand much of what you currently do not grasp.
It’s time to get going with your life. If this guy thinks that the leopard has changed her spots, he will be in for a rude awaking. But that is not your problem at this point.
Get on with your own life. This is your chance to start over and move on to something that you want to do. I am sure that by now you have something to offer to a place of Business and a relationship. your experience has probably made you a valuable asset to any company or group. Get off your butt and get out there in the work force. Don’t focus on what you know, look into doing something that you want to do.
Keep in mind, you will get through this and will be stronger for it.
Contact a lawyer and see all your legal options for protecting your interests in being married to him with financial issues and more..
You just thought you had a marriage. Get a good attorney, under these circumstances, if it is as you say, you need to financially wreck him AND her as much as possible. Not for revenge of course, just so you can cope and get by
he asked for it.
I am sorry for this. Your number one concern is getting some money in. Your needing to focus on getting a job and really trying to get a job at a dental office. A dentist will hire a woman who is 48 with 20+ yrs over a 20 yr old with no experience. You have a big advantage there. Work hard everyday looking and following up on jobs for dental office work. Also apply with just regular doctor’s offices and home health in the office to do front desk, file clerk, admin. assistant any positions available.
Next, lease out your house to someone (of course higher than the mortgage) and move into a cheap apt (or parents). Pick wisely who you put into the house to lease.
Get the alimony started up. Alimony can only start up if your not working or haven’t been working, which you haven’t- so you will probably get it like what the lawyer said. The judge will not look kindly at what he has done to you.
The woman will cheat again on him and he will realize later on what a mess he put himself into but that is not your concern. What comes around goes around.
Open up a bank account checking at another bank and use your parents address for the statement to come to. Start squirreling away money now.
Go after everything you can get out of him. He leaves let him take very little, only his items that are his. You keep as much as you can and if you have to sell it – fine, that’s money in your pocket. Have an estate or yard sale and make some money but he should not benefit from it.
I am sorry for your loss. Though it appears that he is on the gravy train it is unlikely that he is on the road to eternal bliss like he thinks. There is a reason why they broke up in the first place and if it didn’t work once I doubt that it will work again. But that is his lesson to learn the only thing you can do is to pieces as best as you can. Get whatever alimony you can from him. Sell the house if that’s all you can do, take time to feel sad and grieve and then try to put your life back together. Tell your son to get a job.
I do wish you good luck,
This may not help much, but you might be surprised at the number of people in similar positions. But you also might be assuming some things that aren’t true. For example, how sure are you that this was out of the blue? He lied about why she was contacting him, and it only takes one lie to prove a person is dishonest. This may have been in the works for awhile.
On the alimony, I’m actually surprised your lawyer said you could get any at all. Alimony isn’t that common these days, and generally applies in situations where the wife is physically unable to work. I’m only saying this to keep it real, because your husband’s attorney might be able to easily make a case that you don’t need it.
My advice here is that a lot of your issues have to do with the fact that you’re unemployed, and this is what has to change asap. It won’t be easy and you may have to take more than one job, but it’s imperative that you have something else to focus on. I there aren’t dental jobs, you write extremely well, and I’d think you could get a really good receptionist or secretary job and use this as a steppingstone. Also, your son at 18 is a legal adult, and while I sympathize with what he’s going through, he needs to be contributing, as well. That will help a lot – getting on a sound financial basis, saving money while with your parents, and then having some sort of power over the future.