What can I do to help my husband of 4yrs fall back in love with me?
We are both 26, we have a 1yr old daughter and he is my 6yr old sons stepdad. Lately he’s been telling me he’s not in love anymore and that he’s trying to work on our relationship because he wants us to work. He told me when our daughter was born a year ago that he had fallen in love all over again. I guess during the past year he’s fallen out. He says he’s tired of me being insecure and how he wishes he could go out more without having to report it to me. I think that if you’re married u should at least let ur spouse know where you’re going not just take off.
I’ve been crying alone and to him for 5wks now since he told me all this. I’ve even asked him if he wants to go our seperate ways and he says yes but then turns around and tells me he loves me. I’m confused. This isn’t healthy for me. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. After work I come home to take care of the kids and the home which I love. But the whole situation with him is draining and hurting so much.
I don’t know what to do. I was thinking maybe we’ve been under so much pressure with finances and work that we can take a vacation. He says he’s not happy in the relationship and that he’s not in love but he wants to be.
Please help.
Related Information:
Tagged with: Guess • love • relationship • seperate ways • sleep
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
Make him a sandwich? Come on. It really sounds as if this girl is sincerely looking for advice and you give an answer like that.
Anyway, in my opinion, marriages should be stronger than all this wishy-washy crap it has turned into. You get married with the intent that this is the person you want to be with forever. Society has made it too easy for people to be able to say, you know…I don’t think I love you this week. Let’s take a break and maybe I’ll love you next week.
All this talk of "let’s work it out" is ridiculous. All of this should have been "worked out" BEFORE the wedding!
Love has become a word that has been thrown about and lost almost all of it’s true meaning.
No. He should not think it is OK to just go out whenever he wants, where ever he wants, and with whomever he wants. He doesn’t necessarily have to ask permission, but out of common courtesy and respect, he should allow you to know what is going on. Once the accountability is lost in a marriage, it can open all sorts of doors that can lead to infidelity.
You need to be very careful how you handle this situation. It’s not just about you getting hurt…you have kids involved. They absorb all of your sadness and it affects them more than you know.
a relationship is supposed to be a 50/50 partnership… BUT you should also have the freedom to pursue your own happiness… and that includes not being someone elses "sexual property" and them be your KEEPER!!!
if he can go out, then so can you…
maybe if you put out a little more
I go out on Thursday night with my friends and my wife watches the kids. She goes out on Friday night and I watch the kids. If we have enough money and a babysitter we both go out together on Sat night. I don’t have a clue where she goes out. I trust her, I know who she is and who she is not. I always go to the same place so she knows where I am at. It really comes down to if you trust him or not. If you do, then why doe’s he have to report in to you? If you don’t, then you should address them with him and come to a fair understanding. As for the love part of your problem, you can’t make your heart feel something it wont. Maybe you should end the relationship before your daughter turns 3 or 4 and it is a lot harder to break her heart.
Give him a good bj every morning. That would do it for me.
let him go…let him be…he needs to come to the realization hisself. The mroe you try to push him to it…the more you are actually pushing him away.
He wants life without you and thinks he can have better…give it to him…the only way he will find out is on his own. Its hard I know but this is the only way. You cant make someone love you. People like this are very selfish….
Throwing it in his face everyday WILL make it worse…give him the life he wants…if you love someone…let it go…if it comes back it was mweant to be…this quote applies here.
I had to do this with my wife of 12 years…it crushed me! In time however it gets better….and she came back to a shut door since although Ic ared for her still…I couild never trust her again since when I did let her go she got invloved with too many men.
Time will heal you trust me on this…but yeah in a situation like this you have to let him be…let him fall…if you give him a pillow each time he cries to you, he will never learn. And falling for his tears is giving him that pillow of comfort knowing you will always be there…and when he knows this…he has no reason to change since you are always there. You must take that pillow away!
To be honest I think he’s playing a game with you.. You are absolutely right in demanding that your HUSBAND acknowledge and show accountability for his whereabouts. To me it looks like his actions are designed to make and keep you insecure so instead of you questioning him you keep quiet as to not upset him enough to leave you. You shouldn’t be walking on egg shells. If he wants in on the relationship he should put up half the effort. He shouldn’t complain about things when he’s not trying to make them better. He’s going to keep using this tactic against you even if you’re doing everything right because it seems to me he’s doing something wrong (ie. cheating)..
I agree that once you’re married, you have more than yourself to think about. Especially since you have children! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with checking in with your spouse when you go out. You can’t run the household by yourself while he does as he pleases. Letting your spouse know where you’re going, how long you might be out, and then calling to let them know if you’re going to be late is perfectly acceptable. However, don’t make him give you a play by play of the evening while he is still out. He does want to let go and relax. Save that for when he gets home, ask him if he had fun, try to be more of a "friend" in that moment. Personally, I have found that letting go of my insecurities and letting him be himself has caused him to love me as his best friend AND his wife. Remember to pick your battles.
That so great to hear that he wants it to work out. It’s so depressing that so many marriages end in divorce! Dont’ take a vacation that will further strain your finances, but maybe taking the kids to their grandparents for a weekend and just having your house to yourself might do wonders. Be impulsive during this time – Do things that you did when you were dating, before life sucked you in and things became complicated.
There is nothing you could do to make someone love you. Either he loves you or he doesn’t and i know its hard to hear this from the man you love but people change and feelings change too we have no control over that. maybe you should try marriage counseling you never know or take a vacation with him sometimes we just need to get away from our busy lives and see if you still have that connection with him maybe you guys don’t spend time together and just need to reconnect
GOOD LUCK and try your best to get your husband back
Go back to doing some of the things you did in the beginning of the relationship/marriage.
Have date nights, find someone reliable and trustworthy to watch the children.
Since you and your husband can not make this marriage work, then it’s time to see a marriage counselor and get the help you both need to either save this marriage or call it quits.
But sitting around and crying and not eating, isn’t going to make this situation better, it’s just going to drive your husband farther away.
Go to marriage counseling and work with your husband to solve your problems.
Tell him his freedom is long gone. He gave it up willingly when he accepted the responsibility of marriage, a wife and kids.
He needs to grow up and face it.
Quit crying and tell him what you expect.