Comments on: What is the best way to go about resolving a situation with my ex-husband over my son? http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/ Sat, 11 Feb 2012 14:09:15 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: chavezgardens http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-26182 chavezgardens Sat, 23 Jan 2010 11:07:17 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/#comment-26182 First off you need to have everything documented fully and without emotions. Meaning Dates/Times/Locations/Witnesses/Conversations/Etc.. (if you really want to get specific weather, etc.). Also you need to make sure you document ALL the missed visitations as well. Then you need to get a letter from the pediatrician that your son needs to have atleast X hours of sleep to properly function in school. Also get a letter from his teacher(s) stating that his work suffers when he has the shortened hours of sleep - no matter if it is just on Mondays or additional days. Then you need to make sure you get an attorney who is actually going to do something and send your ex a letter through his attorney if necessary, requesting that all custody exchanges be made at a neutral location that is 1/2 between both households. Also have the attorney mention in the letter that you would like a firm commitment that he will be honoring VISITATION Agrement in FULL from this point forward. Have the attorney put in the letter that all correspondences regarding this matter is to be through their office and this matter is to NOT be discussed with your son as this is a matter between the PARENTS. When all else fails Take him to court and Ask that the custody exchanges be at a 1/2way point in a neutral location, That the Visitiation Schedule be Fullfilled as agreed upon OR your Child Support Again be Increased as he is not fullfilling his duties. Good Luck Edit I understand you want to keep your son out of it but this is about him and it is now time to have him talk to the judge about his feelings and about what happens at his dad's. The judges know how to deal with this type of situation. Keep a full documentation of everything your son tells you - or better yet get your son to pu his feelings/experiences into his own words - like a journal. First off you need to have everything documented fully and without emotions. Meaning Dates/Times/Locations/Witnesses/Conversations/Etc.. (if you really want to get specific weather, etc.). Also you need to make sure you document ALL the missed visitations as well.
Then you need to get a letter from the pediatrician that your son needs to have atleast X hours of sleep to properly function in school. Also get a letter from his teacher(s) stating that his work suffers when he has the shortened hours of sleep – no matter if it is just on Mondays or additional days.
Then you need to make sure you get an attorney who is actually going to do something and send your ex a letter through his attorney if necessary, requesting that all custody exchanges be made at a neutral location that is 1/2 between both households. Also have the attorney mention in the letter that you would like a firm commitment that he will be honoring VISITATION Agrement in FULL from this point forward. Have the attorney put in the letter that all correspondences regarding this matter is to be through their office and this matter is to NOT be discussed with your son as this is a matter between the PARENTS.
When all else fails Take him to court and Ask that the custody exchanges be at a 1/2way point in a neutral location, That the Visitiation Schedule be Fullfilled as agreed upon OR your Child Support Again be Increased as he is not fullfilling his duties.
Good Luck

Edit
I understand you want to keep your son out of it but this is about him and it is now time to have him talk to the judge about his feelings and about what happens at his dad’s. The judges know how to deal with this type of situation. Keep a full documentation of everything your son tells you – or better yet get your son to pu his feelings/experiences into his own words – like a journal.

]]> By: MR MOM USMC RETIRED http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-26183 MR MOM USMC RETIRED Sat, 23 Jan 2010 11:07:17 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/#comment-26183 and why is it you get most of the custody,, you didnt mention that,, people in custody cases lie,, did you honestly lie about your ex to get custody, if you did then that is not in the best interest of the child, offer to give your ex more time with HIS son and it will clear up,, my mom pulled all that c r a p on my dad, i found out later and hated my mom ever since, she basically kept me from my dad because she was mad at him, i finally got a nice relationship with my dad and told my mom to screw off,, give your son more time with his father, thats what a boy needs, and why is it you get most of the custody,, you didnt mention that,, people in custody cases lie,, did you honestly lie about your ex to get custody, if you did then that is not in the best interest of the child, offer to give your ex more time with HIS son and it will clear up,, my mom pulled all that c r a p on my dad, i found out later and hated my mom ever since, she basically kept me from my dad because she was mad at him, i finally got a nice relationship with my dad and told my mom to screw off,, give your son more time with his father, thats what a boy needs,

]]> By: havinababe http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-26184 havinababe Sat, 23 Jan 2010 11:07:17 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/#comment-26184 do as your lawyers says make sure to to be dead on on what you want you case is easier then mine.............my sons father live over seas doesn't pay child support i sent my son last summer paid for everything he told me he wasn't going to send him back i freaked he did send him back but now I'm the one who isn't sending my son over there again the Truth is he's trying to see if you'll give in and let him keep your son. i just cut ties with my sons father i know I'm going to pay for it later but he's over seas and i cant run the chance that he trys some thing stupid this well get better just be strong do as your lawyers says make sure to to be dead on on what you want you case is easier then mine………….my sons father live over seas doesn’t pay child support i sent my son last summer paid for everything he told me he wasn’t going to send him back i freaked he did send him back but now I’m the one who isn’t sending my son over there again the Truth is he’s trying to see if you’ll give in and let him keep your son. i just cut ties with my sons father i know I’m going to pay for it later but he’s over seas and i cant run the chance that he trys some thing stupid this well get better just be strong

]]> By: Michelle D http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-26185 Michelle D Sat, 23 Jan 2010 11:07:17 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/#comment-26185 In the letter tell him that he needs to start being more considerate of not you his son. If he can't see you half-way to drop off or pick up his own son he has no right to be even consider a father. Remember just because he had a part in making him doesn't make him father, a father is someone of cares about their offspring and wants the best for them. Tell him if he doesn't start considering the feelings of his son he'll lose visitation rights. Chances are he may or may not care, but if he does care about having a interaction with his son than he'll agree to the letter and start to be more considerate. If he doesn't worst case scenario he may want to give up visitation rights, if that does happen you'll have to explain that to your son, but hopefully that doesn't have to happen. But if does you should tell your son that Daddy had to assignment to do for his job and he may not get to see him until he's grown up. I know it may sound like it won't work, but I had to do that to my four and three year olds. They swallowed it, but not without the water works. You should just list all the things he's doing and tell him the side effects it's having on you and his son( Make sure to make you son's side effects more important, make sure to stress it, but don't lie) Date the letter and the time. And have him sign it that he received it and have him date and time it. In the letter tell him that he needs to start being more considerate of not you his son. If he can’t see you half-way to drop off or pick up his own son he has no right to be even consider a father. Remember just because he had a part in making him doesn’t make him father, a father is someone of cares about their offspring and wants the best for them. Tell him if he doesn’t start considering the feelings of his son he’ll lose visitation rights. Chances are he may or may not care, but if he does care about having a interaction with his son than he’ll agree to the letter and start to be more considerate. If he doesn’t worst case scenario he may want to give up visitation rights, if that does happen you’ll have to explain that to your son, but hopefully that doesn’t have to happen. But if does you should tell your son that Daddy had to assignment to do for his job and he may not get to see him until he’s grown up. I know it may sound like it won’t work, but I had to do that to my four and three year olds. They swallowed it, but not without the water works. You should just list all the things he’s doing and tell him the side effects it’s having on you and his son( Make sure to make you son’s side effects more important, make sure to stress it, but don’t lie) Date the letter and the time. And have him sign it that he received it and have him date and time it.

]]> By: justagrandma http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-26186 justagrandma Sat, 23 Jan 2010 11:07:17 +0000 http://howdoigetmyexboyfriendback.org/3944/what-is-the-best-way-to-go-about-resolving-a-situation-with-my-ex-husband-over-my-son/#comment-26186 Forget about it, pick your son up when you have to at the right time, apparently its only three or four times a year. Little enough to deal with, he could decide to see him every week, and then you would have a problem. If you leave him alone he will lose interest in getting back at you, if you go the lawyer route, he will go the lawyer route and you will both have nothing but bills to show for it. He isn't doing anything not specified in the decree, so what exactly are you going to complain to him about...that hes not being nice? Isn't that why you split up in the first place? I'm sorry if I've angered some here with this answer, I'm divorced with kids whose father left thirty years ago. I have no pity for the man who plays these games, but lawyers will tell you you can do things, but there is no way you can change the agreement without going to court. And starting the never ending round of fight, go to court, fight , go to court, its a dance that only makes the lawyers rich. If you can't talk to your ex and just tell him that your son is too tired to go to school, and he doesn't care, no court or lawyer is going to make him care. In real life you have your agreement and the courts will feel that all hes asking is that you stay with that agreement. They man even tell you to move closer to him so there isn't so much distance, and you wouldn't want that. Forget about it, pick your son up when you have to at the right time, apparently its only three or four times a year. Little enough to deal with, he could decide to see him every week, and then you would have a problem.
If you leave him alone he will lose interest in getting back at you, if you go the lawyer route, he will go the lawyer route and you will both have nothing but bills to show for it.
He isn’t doing anything not specified in the decree, so what exactly are you going to complain to him about…that hes not being nice? Isn’t that why you split up in the first place?

I’m sorry if I’ve angered some here with this answer, I’m divorced with kids whose father left thirty years ago.
I have no pity for the man who plays these games, but lawyers will tell you you can do things, but there is no way you can change the agreement without going to court.
And starting the never ending round of fight, go to court, fight , go to court, its a dance that only makes the lawyers rich.
If you can’t talk to your ex and just tell him that your son is too tired to go to school, and he doesn’t care, no court or lawyer is going to make him care. In real life you have your agreement and the courts will feel that all hes asking is that you stay with that agreement. They man even tell you to move closer to him so there isn’t so much distance, and you wouldn’t want that.

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