Ex-boyfriend cheated on me and now wants me back, should I even consider forgiving him?
Recently, I have found out that my ex-boyfriend of 5 years have cheated on me and obviously hid it from me for about 2 months before I checked his phone and found out. He was not a very good boyfriend even before that happened. He was lazy, unmotivated, and didn’t really want to work for anything..I paid for most of the things and activities we did like dinners and movies. He is broke and is in debt from when he was younger and blew out many credit cards. I stuck around through everything with him, while he became homeless and broke to trying to get back on his feet. He became more and more disrespectful though over the years. Fighting with him was also very hard because everytime we fought, he’d walk out and stay away for hours while I cried and begged for him to come back…which of course he didn’t until he felt like it which was hours and hours later.
So with that said, I have also found out that he has lied to me about things before the cheating. He wouldn’t tell me that he allowed a very flirtatious (girl)friend sleep there before she had to go to work. He claimed they didn’t do anything but after finding out that he cheated on me, I cannot believe many many things he say now. Our trust is out the window but I recently threw in his face that I slept with someone else too, after the fact, of course.
After 2 weeks after I busted him, he didn’t once call me or text me, and according to our mutual best friend, he didn’t even ask about me. But now he says he’s a changed man. He had seen things all wrong and that he really wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Of course, that sounds impossible right now because even looking at him makes me think about all the lies he told to get what he wanted. I have made him feel worst and worst though by telling him of my sexual experiences after I left him. I also told him that I wanted to be on my own for a while and do things that I wanted to do.
So I know this is long and I really appreciate anyone who can help. I have asked him to give me a couple of weeks to myself to just think everything through. I have to think about him whether or not I could ever trust him again. I have to put aside something that I truly believed in and that’s that cheating breaks everything, and once you do that, I’m gone. Right now, he says that he wants to work through everything and anything with me. He is willing to pay for what he did and he understands that asking for me back is a selfish thing to do, but that’s what he wants. He guarantees me, no more lies…
I can’t bear to even think about getting f*cked over twice. I’d rather start NEW with someone else and if I get hurt with that person too, then at least I know I tried. I have given my all to this guy for as long as I’m with him and many many times, I have felt miserable. Our relationship was not a good one but now he says that he is willing to change. He understand that this cannot happen overnight but he wants to love me forever. He says he will never speak to her again and tell me the truth about everything from now on. He is willing the endure the pain I will put him through in order to get through it and love me more than he loves himself and will do anything to prove it. What should I do? Should I even consider anything with him again? Of course I understand, whatever I decide, I should take the time out and see what kind of "changes" he is willing to implement because I really didn’t like the person he was. Besides the time I will take for myself to really think about everything…what should I do? Thanks
He keeps calling me and telling me that I’m sorry. But I can’t get over it all yet. But he’s really trying. He wants to take me out, do all these things for me, and it’s putting a toll on me. It’s so much pressure. Should I keep saying no? Plus I do want to explore my options. If I get hurt by some other guy, am I going to want to run back to the one who I know is there? What should I do? I want what’s best for me with the minimum damage to him.
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Tagged with: best friend • changed man • Credit Cards • ex boyfriend • flirtatious girl • girl friend • many things • sexual experiences • sleep
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You need to ask yourself what did you get out of the relationship. It sounds like you only gave and got noting in return. I would say forgive him because that will help you in the long run but DON’T TAKE HIM BACK. Go on with your life you deserve so much better than him. You sound like a very loving person who deserves someone who will respect and love you back.
In my opinion, if I were you, I’d forgive him, but I wouldn’t get back with him.
No never get back with your ex,theres a reason why you broke up.
too long, but from the question id say dont let him back! once a cheater always a cheater
Simply? No.
a leopard doesn’t change his spots
Like you said "you’d rather start new". Once a guy gets away with something like cheating.. it only goes down hill… if you get back, he’ll see that he can do whatever he wants to you and you’ll still be there. If your relationship was not good.. why stay? meet someone new who will treat you amazing, make you so happy, give you a great relationship and be faithful to you. You seem intelligent.. be strong
That’s right I wouldn’t want to you to get "f*cked over twice" either. So don’t take this jerk back but you do need to forgive him. Forgiveness isn’t about them it’s about you letting go of your resentment and anger, yet doesn’t say it’s ok to do it again. There are plenty of guys out there that will really care about you, this guy isn’t it.
everyone deserves a second chance.. i had gone through something as bad but the girl still wont forgive me its been 3 months and i feel horrible try to settle it with this guy be with him for a little and if it still doesn’t work out tell him…but please everyone deserves a second chance even if his past was bad
i wouldnt just say ok i take you back. thats way too easy and the same thing will happen again. Make him earn your trust back.
keep saying no. eventually he will turn into a good man (you will know bc he will have steady job (longer than 6 months), paying his bills, and is respectful of you.
you need proof b4 you do this again. dont let him ruin your life too.
if you keep saying no and he gives up or you hear something you dont like TELL YOURSELF YOU TRIED AND MOVE ON!
Move on! Changing is hard and it sounds like he has a lot of changing to do.
"Our relationship was not a good one but now he says that he is willing to change"
You were together for 5 years. If it wasn’t good then, he’s not going to change his tune now. I think you need to let this one go and move on with your life. The guy sounds like a total loser anyways and you deserve better. Forgive him? Sure! Forget him too!
I understand completely. Honestly, giving people second chances is not always bad. It depends on the person. You have to ask yourself, do you really believe he has the power to change? After what you typed, I honesty think, no. No I, personally, wouldn’t give him a second chance. You could try and be friends with him for a few months (1 or 2) to see if he really has changed. If he has, and you still have feelings for him, you could go for it. Hope it helped!
Wow thats major im sorry to hear that but you need to be truthful… Do you really want him back? or are you just taking pity on him? that was a horrible thing to do to ANYONE. i think if you really feel that you can trust him, then i say "GO FOR IT BABY!" but otherwise you know hes probably not right for you… Good Luck
Hell no Once a cheat always a cheat…Keep repeating this over and over and over ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT they never change and anyone who believes they do is voluntarily stupid..stupid..stupid!!!!!!!! Or they like being treated like crap and like to ignore what everyone and their inner self have told them .
Ive been where you are and it hurts. Its like a game to them. They cheat so you cheat and it never ends. I tried to forgive my ex and take him back b/c he swore he had changed BUT everytime I looked at him I saw him with her and it pissed me off all over again. I hope you leave him and move on and save yourself the heartache. It will happen again.
Always forgive and forget but dont not get back together becuz theres reason you a broke up and like people say a zebra nev er loses there strips they may fade a little but they are always still there… Thats the same with people they may fade but there personality will always be there..
Don’t get back together just forgive him….
Forgive him. Though, be cautious. If you really feel it in your heart take your time and feel him out. Don’t get intimate with him for a while. All that will do is make it more complicated and confusing. You need to see what he is all about these days before diving back in.
Or you could decide that its not worth it. Its all up to you.
Send him packing a dog never stops roaming you deserve better, once a cheater always a cheater. If he really loved you he would not have done the unspeakable and if it were a mistake you know whops I fell in bed naked with this broad it was a mistake he would have fest up right a way not hide it from you I am sorry this happened to you but its better to learn his true colors now than 20 yrs later after a coupe of kids what he really doesn’t want to lose is his meal ticket.
Hell no!! You seem a truly decent lady who deserves truth, love and trust. Never go back. I do agree for your own piece of mind forgive him, well forget him.
I’ve found once trust has gone, it never truly comes back and do you want a relationship which isn’t 100 % trustworthy?