How can you tell if a guy your dating has feelings for his ex-wife?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 mos. and he still goes out to dinner with his ex-wife but they have 3 kids together which he says is the only reason why they go out together to eat. He treats me really good and has introduced me to his family (parents, siblings, etc.) but I just can’t tell if he wants to be with his ex or not.
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Tagged with: Dating • ex boyfriend • Ex Wife • feelings • parents • siblings
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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I can understand if it is is occasionally. It probably is beign able to talk abut the kids in a neutral place. Less likely to end up in an argument or being pulled way by kids or other issues in life.
My brother does this with his ex-wife. Both have different partners. But he says those evenings they make the most progress on what the kids need. To ensure the kids have the same terms and conditions at both homes and that the co-parent are not played against each other. He also says those are hard evenings as the pain is just under the surface, but as they are both totally committed to the children and they come first they put that aside.
However I would say no more than once a month, that is his take as well.
he goes to dinner with the ex wife nd kids or just her..
jus her nooopppe NOT COOL
her and her kids okay mayb i can understand that but if i was u i’d tell him after like 6mo of dating you want to be there too because it is only fair to you.
maybe, because she is the mother of his children. they are divorced…means their marriage is over. You dated him, you should know the consequences and be more understanding.
To love is good, and pain for jealousy.
Is their divorce final? How long has this family been apart?
And another relevant question is, not only does he want to be with her, but does she want to be with him?
If his wife dumped him, he may not have wanted the divorce and may very well be still in love with her, still mourning the loss of not only their relationship, but of their family, being apart from his kids, etc. In this case, he may very well still want to be with her, but if she doesn’t want him too he just has you to keep him from being lonely when he has no choice.
If he dumped his wife, like many people with kids who dump the other, they think the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" then they realize they "don’t know what they lost till it’s gone," and he may regret divorcing her and be wanting to get back together, but just be stringing you along in case he can’t get her back. Maybe he even has you in order to try to make her jealous so she’ll want him again.
Any man who’s still married, or even divorced for less than two years, anything can happen. I would not advise dating someone so freshly divorced–because with 3 kids, they must have been together for awhile, so however the relationship ended, it’s best to wait to date someone who had a family until they’ve been apart for at least 2 years. That way they’ve hopefully had time to mourn the loss of the family, they’ve both accepted it, and will have learned how to be parents to their kids apart for long enough before introducing another person into the mix, which can complicate matters…because too soon, and the ex could also resent you and that will cause drama to all involved.
A friend of mine dated a divorced man, who had a family with his ex…and since she knew some people will say anything to get someone new, distorting their past situation, she asked him if she could call his ex wife, he said yes (since he had nothing to hide, wasn’t saying his ex was over him, for example, when she wasn’t) and she told the ex she was thinking of dating him, but wanted to hear from her that everything was actually really over between them. The ex said yes, they hit it off on the phone and established a respect, and that gave her a type of insurance against a lot of ugliness you hear about, since these types of situations with kids are a lot more intense, when kids have to go back and forth between their parents. That way as well, if either one of them still wanted the other back, and there was a chance, she wasn’t getting involved in a situation where she was keeping a family apart…
Another thing–with all breakups, no matter with kids or not, if one person wants the breakup and the other doesn’t, it’s always best to give the other person dignity by not replacing them right away, by letting them get over their feelings, accept the breakup and move on. It’s just good karma, less drama. I guess it’s about putting yourself in their shoes, imagining how you would feel, and how you would want to be treated. And what someone does to someone else, they can do to you in the future, so how they treat someone–with dignity and sensitivity or not–no matter how horrible they say they were–is a testament to their character.
A couple of things to remember in a situation like this: if you were involved with this guy, you need to accept that on some level, he may always have feelings, even love, for this woman. If you are not self-confident enough to accept that, or if you are the jealous/possessive type, getting with someone who was married with kids is not a good idea. Also, if you got serious enough with someone like this to marry them–you are also marrying their ex and kids, in a very real sense. Much of your relationship will be out of your control, and any parent worth their salt who had kids from before, these kids should come first before anyone new in their life, and you could resent that. He probably pays child support, and that is non-negotiable–if you were a couple with him, you can’t be complaining about that. His kids may not like you and give you hell, and will probably always want their parents together.
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Has he introduced you to the ex-wife If so.. trust him
Yet talk to him in sincerity maybe you can go 2..
If he’s taking his kids to dinner wifey DOES NOT have to be there unless the date is with HER! And especially if he takes her out alone. If thats the case then he still wants his wife and theres nothing you can do except be angry or cut him loose.
its flirting
I would say can you hang with his ex wife being his friend and him your man? If you can then don’t worry about it and keep dating him. I personally couldn’t. I want to be the center of attention. Call me what you may but that is the truth. If you think it will change because of you then your setting yourself up for hurt. Good luck.
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Are the kids present when they go out? If its just the two of them I’d say that’s a red flag.
How long have they been divorced for? If its been forever I wouldn’t worry much.
One thing you do have to remember is that she is the mother of his children and although he may not want to have a relationship with her he may always feel something special for her. (I use the word may because I don’t really know)
I dont EVER want to be with my ex again but I do honestly want him to be happy because it will be better for our daughter if hes a happy and healthy person.