My husband wants a divorce, is depressed and doesn’t love me…hmmm?
My husband wants a divorce, is depressed and doesn’t love me…hmmm?
Basically my husband came to me about 3months ago saying he didn’t know how to feel about me. About 1 to 2 weeks later he began showing major signs of depression. He went to the doctor and is now on anit-depressants. In those weeks he became very distant and then said that he did not love me.
He wanted to try couseling as a last resort. We went and each time he was very confused, got the counselor and I very confused too. The 4th time we went he finally told me he wanted a divorce b/c his feelings haven’t changed and that he didn’t think they ever could. Fast forward, we decided to see couselors individually and last night his couselor told him that “he didn’t know what love is” and that before he can ever love me again he has to be able to forgive and trust me again. In the last year I will completely admit that I have been selfish and not loving enough to him. As a result of it I have become more close with God then I ever have been before. I have also been reading about love and what it is and how it truly can’t just be a feeling.
Anyway I have made personal discoveries about myself and how I need to change. I want to work as hard as I can to help my marriage suceed and I am fully commited. My husband however is so depressed and confused about our marriage and himself that he says he wants to give up and doesn’t even want to live anymore. He says that his mind is telling him to stay but his heart is not in it and he doesn’t want to try. I need to know how I can help him and if anyone out there thinks it is possible to fall in love with the same person again.
These answers are great so far. I am definetly dedicated to saving my marriage! He is still atracted to me and I still turn him on but he says he feels bad when he touches me etc… Should I still try and be intimate with him or back off a little. I don’t want to be clingy… he doesn’t even want kisses from me right now.
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Tagged with: anit depressants • counselor • couselor • depression • divorce • feelings • god • heart • Kisses • last resort • love • marriage • personal discoveries • signs • signs of depression • suceed • Yea
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Yes, your situation sounds recoverable.
Here are some good first steps:
1. Have your husband have a second opinion. Clearly his medication is having adverse effects on his emotions. Anti-Depressants don’t make you happy…they just make you numb. If numb feelings are the problem, it might be time to get different meds.
2. Remember that a) depression and b) falling in and out of love…are NORMAL!! They aren’t sicknesses unless they go on for extended periods of time. So your husband may not even need medication! I’m not a doctor, but with this down economy, two wars still going on, and the TV blasting non-stop about disasters…WHO WOULDN"T BE DEPRESSED??
3. I’m glad you’ve found God and are making personal changes. Kudos! One of the best ways you can improve your husband’s behavior is to encourage him (not nag) to do things. Have him start working out (even just 10 push ups a night can do alot!) Have him chop fire wood, build a shed, rake the leaves, repaint a room, start a diet, etc. Have him do things that are both MANLY and SIMPLE.
And follow this procedure:
a) Ask him to do something very very nicely…FOR YOU!
b) Encourage him while he does it (a glass of lemonade goes with any home improvement)
c) When he’s done…celebrate with him (preferably naked)
It won’t be long before he has a smile on his face. Then he can throw the meds away, square his shoulders and start making other improvements to your life and your marriage.
Good Luck!
it happens, people grow and fall out of love, keep ur self respect, and let him go
Best thing you can do is to remain friends but get a divorce.
This is a complex situation, and unfortunately there are no easy answers. The good news is that you and he have both done exactly what you should have done: got professional help. Now all you can do is wait it out and see what happens. Yes. People can fall back in love. But there is nothing you can do to force your husband to do it. The bad news, then, is that the ball is in his court. If he decides to give up, there is not much you can do about it except get a really good attorney. But if you want this to work, tell him so and be patient. Let him know you still care. Then just go with the flow and hope for the best!
Good luck!
…I actually read this whole thing… Please, continue with proper Professional help…Not the loonie and unprofessional answers you’re going to get on a place called "Yahoo" ! …Oye !
Because you’re so willing…I’d sleep on the filing for divorce.
I know he’s wanting it, but if he’s really not in his right mind…then it makes sense to wait to do anything drastic.
Maybe some separation will be helpful for him. Stay committed to the marriage…as far as going out and dating other people (Meaning, don’t!).
But give each other some space to gain some clarity on the situation.
GOOD LUCK!
hi ,
of course is possible fall in love with the same person ,maybe he says he doesnt love you anymore because he is very confused but also can be like you said you dint care too much about him ,fisrt step is make this question to you ,Do you really want him back?if you say yes ,then ,i try for be the best wife ever ,imagine how man will like a woman ,so will do everyhting ,to make him fall in love with you ,like romantic cokking ,or sexy things ,everywhere ,explain him how much you love him send letters ,emals with romatic cards ,invite him for a night just both of you ,and of course you go to see someone in relationships and him too ,alos he see a doctor for the depression ,the must of the guys get depression is 1 because they lose e job or they have some worry that becuase you been away they dont feel like telling you ,so try to get his trust back again ,like listening him ,everything he says ,dont fight ,dont argue ,just love ,kiss ,and be like e lover ,a like a new woman he just met ,like this ,
you take care of yourself and then let him know for your accions that jhe can gtrust you again and forever ,love is the must beautiful thing and why lose a man that is already yours ,he just need some trust on himself and on you ,and you get more trust on yourself and on you too .
you will see how fast things change for good back again ,but remeber always a wife ,a friend ,a lover ,all together ,start now and forget about what you did in the past ,the past doesnt matter ,isn the present and the future ,
good luck and I hope my words help you .
I agree with Boof. I’m going through this with my husband. He was diagnosed with depression/ bipolar whatever a year ago. I’m a happy girl, and all this wah, wah wah is getting tedious to me. I figured out who I was at 12. If he told me he needed to "trust" me again, I think that would be the last straw.
Good luck, sister.
EDIT: Opetke is dead wrong about antidepressants. They give your brain access to seratonin longer throughout the day. The function of that chemical is to make you feel many different things. They make most people feel BETTER; less depressed, more themselves. If they make you feel numb (and I’ve seen that happen) you need to talk to the dr. It’s not what you’re shooting for.
sorry but I think it is time to let him go. In all fairness he might be some what depressed because he is in a relationship that his heart does not want to be in. But that is not the only reason.
My suggestion is for him to move out. Don’t get a divorce but act as if you were. In other words both have your own life. And then take it from there. If in 6 months or a year from now he feels the same then go from there. Also you may find out that you do not want to be with him as much as you thought you did. I would make sure to live in other places for at least one year before you 2 get back together. Because odds are that you will get back together if he just moves out.
Bottom line is he might just need a whole lot of space. It might do him good to live independent.
Good Luck