Husband filed for divorce but has not taken the steps to try and finish it. I’m still in love…help!?
We’ve been separated for a while…we have 2 young children together. He filed for divorce 7 mos ago but has not taken the steps to finish it. It seems like he wants me to finish it for him since I have a lawyer and he doesn’t, but that shouldn’t stop him from moving on with the papers himself. We have nothing to divide or settle, really. I’ve filed for child support and was granted sole custody last week (filed these things way before he filed for a divorce).
I have been moving on with all areas of my life except in the love dept. I’ve gone back to school to work on a 2nd degree in the medical field and to also work on my MBA part-time. He on the other hand has not improved as much…deep inside I feel he is a great guy who has made some real bad mistakes (in our marriage) and I feel like we can, if we both put in the effort, to be a family again.
I don’t like feeling like I still love him but sometimes can’t help it because we were once together and we have kids together.
A good friend told me to make sure I have peace about any decisions I make regarding the divorce. My Pastor told me to let the divorce go on (the process) and to not get in the way of it. Well, my feeling like it’s all on him, it’s his decision because he is the one who filed it.
He’ll call once in a while and while I’d rather keep our convos strictly about the kids, he will go off topic discussing his life and asking questions about mine…but doing it in a way that makes it not obvious.
Sometimes, when my kids are talking to him, he’ll ask them where I am or what I’m doing. He may also tell them to give the phone to me, but most of the time I refuse to speak because it still hurts and I feel I would be well on my way to the road towards healing if I cut him off. I mean he can call the kids when ever he’d like, but I don’t think I can be friends with him and not feel anything for him at the same time.
What do you guys think about this? He said he wants someone who wants to do something good with their life and someone who is moving towards a positive direction..including someone who puts God first. And I’m thinking to myself (you HAD her…me…) I’ve even abstained from sex for almost 3 years because it is my belief that I only share my body with my husband.
Sometimes I feel like yelling at him and telling him "you’re looking for something that you already know!!!!!!!" But like others have told me…it’s just best to let it go, he will come back (and straighten up) if it’s meant to be…
what do you think?
it hurts to think I should personally cut him off…but then again it may help me to heal even better…
We haven’t seen each other in almost 3 years.
I’m planning to take a trip where he lives (with our kids) this summer. to also get a sense of closure…
He told me about 2 weeks ago that he does not have any animosity towards me (he was the one unfaithful in the marriage) and that HE is tired and wants to be free. Well, ok, well I feel like HE is the who filed, HE is the one who’s been living a single life. Why should I be the one to finish it? I know it is not good to stay in limbo for a long time. If this continues, I eventually will have to decide to finish it for him, but I don’t feel comfortable doing it now…
In addition, should I tell him how I feel? Or should I just leave things alone and let the chips fall where they may…
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Tagged with: child support • convos • decisions • divorce • good friend • lawyer • love • Love Help • marriage • mba part time • medical field • peace • sole custody
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Your Pastor told you to get a divorce? Wow. I say fight. Fight for your marriage. I have known people that were separated a year and got back together and have been happily married for over 10 years now.
Talk to him. What do you have to lose? You are already losing him.
I recommend reading the journal Love Dare. It is something I def think you both might want to look at and do.
I wouldn’t give up. You need to pray about it. Talk to him. Maybe get a new Pastor. Any pastor that tells you to get your divorce is not of God.
God bless you and your marriage. Please contact me if you want to talk.
Three years is a loooooooooooooong time to remain in limbo, sweetie.
Get the divorce, and get on with your life.
I think that you should just move on. He filed for divorce for a reason and you shouldn’t hold on to something that wont work out for you in the long run. You deserve someone you can trust to not break your heart, You should start dating again and going out and having fun. Do things that you would never do when you were with him. Free yourself. You deserve someone who wont hurt you.
First of all I’m surprised that your Pastor (A man of the Cloth) would advise you to get divorced. On the other hand as I read on and realized you two haven’t seen each other in three years, it’s time to move on. He obviously has. I would tell him that you really don’t want the divorce and would like to try to work things out, and if he says that’s not what he wants. Tell him ok, but one those papers are final there’s no turning back. Time to move on. You’ll find someone eventually that will want to be with you and love you and you’ll have back in your life what you’ve been missing.
Tell him how you feel and that you’re willing to give it another go.If he’s willing to try,give it all you’ve got to make it happen.If he’s unwilling to try,by all means do everything in your power to speed up the divorce process.
I think for the sake of closure and your kids you should tell him how you feel. Tell him if he is willing you think the two of you can be a family again. If he isn’t interested in putting his family back together than by all means do everything in your power to speed up the divorce process. I think both of you though might be trying to feel the other out when you should just be completely honest with each other.
You need to move on for the children’s sake. They need a 100% mom.
You don’t need him. He wont change… If he does it will always be for a minute. Let some other lady deal with him. He will act nice to her at first then pull his bad habits on her after a while.