How to cope with my boyfriends ex and his past life?
He has three kids with his ex wife; but coming into this relationship i knew he had kids but i did not know his ex wife was a total bitch. She tells the kids horable things about the dad, and the children know waaay to much for there age. How do i cope with these kids (Because there so uste to having a life where they are too free), and how do i cope with his ex wife?
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Tagged with: bitch • boyfriends • dad • Ex Wife • relationship • three kids
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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You have to get in where you fit in !!
You two have to provide a unified front to these kids, and he has to set the rules. You just have to agree to enforce those rules. If he won’t do this, you are in for a lot of trouble.
I wouldn’t worry about it until i became the wife
Unfortunately if you stay with him u will have to find a way to cope with his ex wife. She will be around forever. If it is something you don’t think you can deal with you should get out now.
You shouldn’t bother with the ex wife, and steer clear of her. She’s bitter and miserable, and wants to spread it around. Don’t play the game!
The best thing to do regarding the kids is – if they repeat something their mom has said, don’t react… just tell them you’re sorry she feels that way, and let it go.
As far as the children’s behavior goes, your boyfriend is the father, and is responsible for the discipline. Don’t take it on, it’s not your place. If you get married, that may be somewhat different, and the kids need to hear, from their father and you both (at a family meeting perhaps) what is expected of them and what the rules are, who is in charge, ect. It can be done in a civilized way.
Those kids will grow older, and decide to use their own brains. They will come to some ugly realizations about their mother and her misery. Believe me.
What lowrider said….
You are a girlfriend. That is even more temporary than wife. It is not your place to discipline his children. You will be way out of line.
You are in a supporting role- you are not their parent.
You and Mr. Man need to use terms like
"We don’t do that here. We do this….(show them)"
"We don’t speak like that here….let’s talk about X"
"We do this at this home" (show them)
Another thing is for Mr. Man to actively engage his ex in communication about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable for their children. Just because she’s a bag and he isn’t married to her doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t co-parent in a very positive and active way.
start working out and get a chiseled body so she can be jealous of how sexy you are.
Unless he puts a stop to it, you won’t be able to change anything.
Likely he can’t change what his kids are told, so you will have to decide if this is something you want to pursue as far as a relationship with him.
Three kids is a lot of baggage! That’s a whole team working against you (4 including their mom)
This is very difficult to deal with. You need to understand the reality of the situation–this woman will be in his life forever, because they have children together.
As far as dealing with the kids, if your husband doesn’t support you and you don’t present a united front together, your marriage is doomed. Sad but true; I see it all the time. As far as dealing with his ex, just respect her position as their mother and let your husband deal with her, not you.
good luck.
For as long as you are attached to this man, this will BE your life – having to deal with how the kids are treated by her, listening to the lies she tells, dealing with their lack of boundaries, rules and limitations, and every other horrible thing that comes with it. The backtalk, the disrespect, them telling you "you’re not my mom and I don’t have to listen to you. You can’t tell me what to do …"
How do you cope? You have two choices: Get some waterproofing stuff, be like a duck and let it all fall of your back – or rethink the whole thing and decide whether or not you are up to this.
I can tell you with zero hesitation that I wouldn’t stay with this guy, once I realized the depth of the bullsh that you have to wade through. Raising kids is tough enough under the best of circumstances, but this is a nightmare waiting to happen.
*big hug* and best of luck to you, hon
reversing the roles. let the kids know that if she wants to know something about you, you would be more than happy to fill her in on your life. but she has to ask you instead of always putting them on the spot. Never make it seem like she’s the bad guy, cause the kids are going to resent you and therefore your relationship with BF will never grow. Some divorced parents make their kids life even worse they create so many insecurities for their kids that in the long run the kids are the ones who turnout delinquent.
As the kids, of course separately and never in front of any of the other ones if they feel uncomfortable when mommy begins asking them questions.
Most kids are more mature than what we give them credit for.
if you have to find a way to cope with your bf’s ex and past life, there lays problem number 1. he needs to deal with it! do not get involved at all. either she is crazy, and will eventually need help or she has sound reason to be upset with him, a lot of which has nothing to do to you. if the children are repeating things that are not true, to your face, then i would let the father deal with it. you are not his wife, do not forget it, therefore do not stress yourself out. instead, given you are not too knee deep in the game, stand back and observe. pay attention to how he deals with the situation. this will tell you a lot about who he really is. also, do not forget you are only getting one side of the story. too many women get involved with men who were married before, get absorbed in their ”story”, and believe it, only to find out that he really is the person he was made out to be. that is when the gf or new wife calls the ex to ask what to do. proceed with caution. good luck.
You have no control over what his ex wife does or says. If the kids come up w/saying things that aren’t true, just tell them you’re sorry they’re being told things that aren’t true, Let them know they have a good dad, one who loves them & cares very much about them. He wouldn’t see them if he wasn’t a good dad & didn’t care about them. Tell them they’ll find out when they get older just what’s the truth & what’s not. As far as the wife, what goes around comes back around. All the bad she’s doing is going to come rite back to her some day, So just know that one day she’ll get hers & let time take care of that. Don’t "allow" her to upset you, if you do then she’s just "controlling" you. So don’t accept the unacceptable as far as she goes, She’s miserable & is just trying to make everyone else miserable too, Don’t allow her to do this to you, Take away the control from her by not letting her get to you, You CAN do it if you try hard enuf,,,,best to you,,,:)
Be the better person- don’t allow yourself to be sucked into their drama. There is no reason for you to have to deal with her antics & she should think twice about what she is doing to those children. The day will come when they are old enough to actually realize what is going on here. If you really love this guy & intend on having a life with him you need to discuss how he is going to handle his children when they are under his care. It’s not fair for him to expect you to have to deal with his children who are obviously out of control. He needs to set some rules & be consistent. These children need some kind of stability & it is clear they aren’t getting that from their mother- she is too blinded by bitterness & revenge. Unfortunately it will be the children who will end up paying the price! It’s up to you to decide what part you will play in their lives- hopefully, it will be a positive one. Good luck & take care!
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