How do you deal with the ex trashing you to your kids?
So my daughter told me that I lie all the time and how the reason I am the way I am is because my parents treated me bad and didn’t care for me the way that normal parents care for their kids
and how my Mom should have stayed home with me when I was growing up.
I’m hearing this from my 11 year old daughter.
How should I respond to this? The ex is driving me crazy.
She’s also saying that my house is dirty and old. and doesn’t feel like that she has a daddy anymore. she wants it the way it use to be when I was with her all the time.
I tell her that I want that to, but it’s not going to be like that anymore. That this is all there will be.
my house is what it is. It’s not the best but it’s all I can afford right now.
the ex lives in a 300K$ house that’s brand new. that I paid for. right after we moved into it, we split up. haha.
and I grabbed this older house that I could afford. I got it b/c it had a pool so the kids could enjoy it. now they don’t want to come over cause I’m so far away (I’m 45 min away).
I can understand. a little. but it’s very hard dealig with all the negative vibes coming from my kids.
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Tagged with: mom • negative vibes • parents • parents care • pool
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
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You tell your daughter that she should learn respect for her elders and she is being very disrespectful for mouthing off to you..then ask her how long she feels she should be grounded for-and that she WILL be grounded for it.
She’s 11 y/o..she KNOWS talking like that to you is disrespectful and she should be called on the carpet for it. If she knows she will be punished for fresh talk she will be less likely to think it’s smart to mouth off at you or repeat stuff like that she has overheard while in a smart aleck mode.
Could be she wasn’t told that but over heard it in conversation between two adults..and kids will smart mouth if they can get away with it. At the tween stage that she is in, this is not uncommon but she needs to learn it will NOT be tolerated by you…so ground her and take away privileges until you get an apology from her and a promise that she will mind her mouth.
Then the next time you talk to your ex, you tell her calmly and in a quiet voice because believe it or not, a quiet calm voice will be far more effective that shouting with anger…that this is what your daughter said to you, she’s getting it from somewhere and if she repeats anymore of that kind of thing, you will drag her back to Family Court on a complaint of Alienation of Parental Affection…and she can spout her theories to the judge.
first of all you can tell her that is not true. then tell your ex that it is not right for her to be saying these things to your daughter. if it continues to happen have your daughter make a list of everything that her mother told her and then take her to court.
Tell her to just watch and see how I live my life. I don’t lie, cheat or steal. I’m not sure whats going on in your mother’s mind and I won’t say anything bad about her. Watch me and you’ll can judge for yourself.
I would punish her for talking to her father like that. I’m sorry but If my 11 yr old talked to me like that, I’d probably go crazy. If her mom is putting this in her head, talk to her and tell her she needs to act like an adult. She doesn’t have to like you but you are the father and deserve respect for that.
Since your ex is trifling, talk to your daughter and make her understand that the things her mom tells her is not always the truth. She is saying these bad things because she is bitter but you love her just the same, and that will never change. It’s important for the child to NOT get bounced back n’ forth with negative junk. Keep reassuring her with your love too so she’ll understand that you’re not the bad guy. When she gets a little older, she’ll come to realize that her mom is dirty laundry.
You let the ex know that this is highly inappropriate and has nothing to do with your daughter. She is a child and should be treated and spoken to like one, not an adult. If she repeats these things to you, who else has she repeated it to. Whether it’s true or not your child should not be hearing this, before you know it she’ll need therapy or end up disrespecting you. Tell the ex to cool it. You’d appreciate it if she had something to say about you, to tell it to your face and not be immature and send or tell it to a child.
Ugh, I hate when exes fight dirty and bring the kids into it. There really isn’t much you can do but continue to be a good dad. Your actions will speak louder than her words.
I don’t think you’ve done this but make sure you don’t trash her back. Take the high road. My friend’s ex tells everyone – his kids, neighbors, friends – what a useless rotten b*stard he is (she used to tell him this daily while they were married) and he makes a point to never talk badly about her to his kids even though she is an abusive, raging alcoholic with mental problems.
wow, I cannot imagine talking to my parents like that ever! Of course she is getting it from her mother. But still. What is your daughter’s problem with you? Does she feel that you lie to her? Tell her that her mother and you are not together, and it’s about you and her, and it is wrong to talk bad about people.
You tell her that mom is mad and angry at you and that when people are hurt and angry that they say things they don’t mean or that aren’t true.
if you’ve never lied to your daughter (I’m talking big important things) then you tell her that you’ve never lied to her and you’ve always dealt honestly and fairly w/ her. and you move forward continuing to do so and never speak ill of mom.
it sucks, but this is one of those things that time and your honest dealings w/ your child will prove your spouse wrong in the eyes of your child. Unfortunately, when you take the high road in these situations the pay off doesn’t always show up until your kid is married w/ kids of their own. If you’re lucky, she’ll realize mom has issues by the time she graduates HS.
I didn’t suggest talking to the ex because that’s only going to cause you more problems. I do recommend keeping a journal of what the kid tells you and if the results of mom’s trashing continue to show up in your home on your time w/ your daughter that you consider pursuing custody based on parental alienation.
You stalk the Ex until you find her alone and tell her you will be the last person she sees if she ever does it again. Some Ex’s are too stupid to take a subtle hint.
Tell your daughter that well all make mistakes but you and her
mother are not together for many reason and one of them was about
lies. Let you daughter know as well if she needs to talk to you about
anything or feels she needs to ask you about some things you are
always there for them no matter what. And also tell your wife to stop
telling you daughter lies.
Been there, it sucks.
All you can do is maintain a good relationship with your daughter and wait for her to figure it out herself. Reciprocating will not help but you are allowed to say things like:
"I’m sorry your mother told you things that were not true. People sometimes say mean things when they are hurt or angry."
In time your daughter will come to realise the situation. Your job is to be a good father and not get involved in the spite. It ain’t easy but in 10 years you can look back and know you did right and the relationship your daughter has with you and the relationship she has with her mother will show you how right you were.
It’s called Parental Alienation. You could file a restraining order on this, or use it and go for custody. To learn your rights, join Dads House in Yahoo Groups
http://Dads-House.org/
Mom Loses Custody For Alienating Dad
Ruling a ‘wake-up call’ for parents who use kids to punish ex-partners
http://www.thestar.com/article/576619
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