Why do I have such a hard time believing my husband would love me?
This is my second marriage. We have been married a little over a year, and yet I am totally insecure. I’m overweight and so is he, and yes I was overweight when he met me, so it wasn’t like I gained weight once we got married. I also stopped working, (his request) about a month after we got married. And I have not been able to find other work. I have always been a HARD worker and not working has literally destroyed my self esteem.
He was deeply in love with his ex-wife and she really hurt him. It took him a long time to get over her. She has a daughter with another guy, but my husband feels like he is her dad. They talk on the phone often, and he will often talk to the girl’s mother. Although he says the mother disgusts him, and he feels she’s one step above white trash, the fact that he talks to her drives me up the wall. Because I am constantly worried that his old feelings will come back. See, when we first started going together and then got married, he was hardly talking to the daughter or the mom. They were on kind of a "hiatus", I guess because of some kind of difference of opinion. But since we have married he has reconciled with the daughter and they started talking again. And I am constantly worried that he will want to go back with her mom. She was his first serious love, and she works and is much better looking than me. At least I feel she is, my husband disagrees.
He looks at other women a lot. Women that are way better looking than me. But he says looking is all he is doing. Which I believe, but I don’t understand why, because he could literally take his pick. We don’t have sex that often, because he has diabetes and high blood pressure which has caused him to have ED and he is considerably older than me. I’m 39 and he is 50. And for some reason lately, whenever we do have sex, I am worried that he is thinking of her. Or he’s thinking of somebody better looking. Because he couldn’t POSSIBLY be attracted to me. Despite him saying I am the prettiest girl he knows, and that he wouldn’t leave me for her or any other girl I have the hardest time being convinced of this. Why? What can I do to snap out of this?
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Tagged with: dad • diabetes • difference of opinion • Hard Love • hard time • Hard Worker • hiatus • high blood pressure • long time • love • marriage • Met • mom • old feelings • Overweight • prettiest girl • second marriage • self esteem • trash • white trash
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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take a yoga class. find another job. keep busy. stop worrying about him and think about you!
unfortunately you created some of your own mess. You have a low self esteem to begin with, and thats not going to help you or your marriage. He will get tired of you constantly questioning his love. Do something about your weight if it bothers you that much, start working out, eating better.. the minute you see changes you’ll start feeling better, if you dont love yourself first.. how can you let anyone love you?? If you build your self esteem, you will realize your self worth.. you dont see that right now, and no one can help you with that but yourself. You need to stop acting like a victim about your weight and do whatever you can to help yourself in that category. Secondly about him eyeing other women?? thats just not right and down right disrespectful!! I dont care what you look like, he should not be doing that in front of you at all.. and if it makes you feel uncomfortable or hurt he should really stop that… I really hope you realize you deserve respect and love regardless of your weight. I think you are settling for this person, because you feel no one can love you or accept you.. but you need to learn to love yourself and respect yourself, before you can let anyone else love you… please work on yourself and if he doesnt change his ways. you need to find somewho who is truly worth it with no baggage!!!!!!
You can start trusting your husband and what he say’s, if you don’t believe him when he tells you how he feels about you how can you believe him in any other area???
Low self esteem is a terrible thing to have, and really getting out there and more involved in either community service or volunteering would be a good thing, loose weight if it is bugging you so much, not saying you must but you mentioned it so it must be an issue for you.
I am 40 and a 21 year old came up and told my hubby that he is hot, which of course he is lol, this should of upset me or thrown me but it didn’t because I reminded myself of what I mean to him and how he really does feel about me, and just like I would not go out there and cheat so too wouldn’t he.
Remind yourself of why you guys got married etc, if you keep on about his ex it is going to affect your marriage, and if you continue to not believe your hubby when he tells you he loves you etc, he will eventually stop saying it. Good Luck!
Since you’re not working, there’s no time like the present to start exercising. It will help you lose the weight and make you feel better about yourself. If you can’t exercise, take some walks, run in place while watching your favorite T.V. shows. As for him looking at other women, that is totally a man thing. It’s annoying, but innocent. The ex on the other hand needs to go!!!!! There is absolutley no reason in the world why they should be talking. If you ask my opinion, he shouldn’t even be talking to the daughter. I don’t know what you can do about that, but maybe try saying….. "It’s me or them!!!!!" You are doing nothing wrong and your feelings are natural. Just start thinking more about you.
what makes you think that any other woman would want him? He doesnt sound all that great, with the insulin needles, the two wives, the estranged daughter ( im over exaggerating), however, honestly, he is old, he is overweight, he is telling you he loves you and that your pretty. Its time to grow up and accept yourself and love yourself and get a backbone! Why did u quit your job at his request? That makes no sense to me. If you had more self confidence you would do that you truly want to do, not what makes him happy. Doesnt he make you happy? Isnt that why you married him? Doesnt he make you feel loved and secure? If not, then why did you marry him? because you felt nobody else would? Cant you see this whole issue is a self confidence issue that you should have worked out before getting married. Everyone looks at attractive people, that doesnt mean they want them or want to marry them. He married YOU for a reason you know. As for the ex wifes daughter, you need to communicate what you want with him, your fears, you need to be confident enough to speak up, ask him is he is over his ex. Let him talk to her daughter, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that in fact i think its very sweet of him to want to talk to her and manitain that relationship, at least hes no dead beat dad, hes not even her real dad! That shows some character.
Just be confident and stop fretting, your already 39 i can only imagine how many days of your life yove spent feeling insecure, inadequate and settled for less! Read some spiritual books such as the power of now, wayne dyer books and just learn to be confident and enjoy and love life because your already 39 why waste the next half of your life insecure, and constantly worrying (worrying does absolutly nothing but waste time) you need to face ur fears mentally so you stop worrying, prepare for the worst and accept it then move forward and live day by day take life by the balls! Go get a damn job that you love! DO SOMETHING WITH CONFIDENCE, follow your heart, dont let your insecurities run your life, dont let you trying to please ur -not -so great sounding husband run your life.