How can I get through to my ex-wife?
I need help with my ex wife in respect to being able to have her raise my 16-year old daughter properly when she has her. She has primary custody of her but is not sticking to the custody agreement so I can try to continue to be a parent to my daughter. What are the rules in life and society? How do you get through to a woman that is so disconnected from reality that it seems that she is ruining our daughter’s chances at succeeding in life to keep her under her thumb. She does not believe that it is necessary to go to school every day and has allowed our daughter to miss so much school that our daughter is now in special ed and in continuation school because she is so behind. She has to pay fines to SARB and the DA and has CPS down her throat and they tell her to take parenting classes and therapy and she says she does not need it. She truly has mental issues. She lets her stay up all night on the internet and has even flown a boy that our daughter met online at 14 from the east coast to stay with them for a week when she turned 15! What mother does that??She buys everyone with money including her kids, and lets her get away with everything and tells her lies about me. She does not discipline her at all or set boundaries. She wants to be the "cool" mom with her and even my 19-year old daughter from another marriage (she is the step-mom). She lets my 19-year old drink even though she is underage and lets her boyfriend stay there with her. I am very against that, but she does it to be the popular mom and make me look like I am too controlling. My ex has gotten a DUI herself, is addicted to vicodin, and has done such a horrible job of raising her son from a previous marriage that at 24 he still lives at home, has gotten a second DUI and he does not know how to be responsible and independent. I want what is best for my kids, not be their friend. I cannot take her to court, I don’t have the money plus my daughter is going to be 17 this year. My ex keeps telling me and our daughter that now that she is going to be 17, she has a choice if she wants to come see me (and she even tells her she is old enough to drop out of school!) Any suggestions on what I can do?
Related Information:
Tagged with: Boundaries • continuation school • cps • custody agreement • dui • east coast • Ex Wife • horrible job • marriage • money • parenting classes • Pay Fines • Respect • special ed • step mom • thumb • vicodin
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
You could take this to family court in the county where you live. Tell them the situation, they w/tell you what needs to be done. There is a judge who presides over this court & you would not need an atty. The court officials would have the facts all written down, the judge would read them be the one who would tell her & you what would or should be done. This all would be court ordered & would have to be obied by, You don’t need an apt., just go & tell them your story they’ll take it from there…best to you…:)
If it’s against court order, she can go to jail. If you get evidence, against her, she could lose custody…
she can go to jail for letting them drink…
there are lawyers that will help you-pro bono- find someone that will help you
good luck
Wow what a problem!!! This one’s got to be a joke. If it isn’t then you said it best when you mentioned CPS is involved and aggressively challenging her methods. Keep in touch with them and see that they are aware of everything that is happening. At 17 it seems to be a bit late to expect changes though. This would have been better handled if started much earlier. The Obama law says all kids must stay in school until 18. I have to wonder why the CPS didn’t step in and force changes. They usually do just that.
Wow….do you and my husband have the same EX? We’ve gone through that exact same crap…and unfortunately the judge doesn’t seem to ‘GET IT’, when we give examples of the things she’s done and not done as a parent. It sucks! I feel exactly like you do…and I’m the step-mom, but unfortunately, you are fighting a losing battle. At 17, legally, your daughter does not have to come see you on visitation. I know this because we’ve already been through it with my oldest step-son. I’m sorry, I wish I had words of encouragement….but I don’t. God bless and your kids. Don’t give up on them and keep in touch with them even if your daughter stops coming to see you. Make sure she KNOWS that you love her. That’s the only advice I have.
The more you insist on your ex raising your daughter the way you want, the more she will do the opposite. The older your daughter gets, the more she will see that having a mother that lets her get by with so much is not much of a mother at all. While she is young, she will think it’s "cool", but later on, she will appreciate you, the one that wanted what is best for her. She will resent her mother for not doing what a good mother should do. I had parents like that. I am 35 years old now. I realized the error of my parents ways by the time I was 17.
Well as much as I love my daughters and would do anything to keep them with me, it sounds to me like you should move your daughter in with you . She needs to know that it’s not alright to drink or miss school. If she sees her mother doing it then she will see no problem with doing it herself. So being the good dad you are it’s time to step in and take control of the problem and your daughter,she will some day thank you.
Wow, makes me wonder who you are if the courts found her to be the more suitable parent. Yes you can take her to court, furthermore, you can keep your child from returning to her others if you feel that she is in danger (mom loaded on pills and drunk when she shows up to provide transportation). If you allow your daughter to leave with her knowing that she under the influence, you have actually caused more harm to your daughter than your xwife because she would not be considered "in her right mind" and you, being sober would be expected to make the logical decision. ( This is not my judgment, this is my past. I was reprimanded by the court system when I raised the issue of my x husband being required to test to prove sobriety in order to have solo visitations. instead of honoring my request, his attorney filed for it to be stipulated that it was up to me to determine if he was sober upon pick up and stated that I would be neglectful as a mother if I allowed him to leave with my child under any other condition). Your "kid" is to be 17, I was married and had 2 years down on my college degree at that age, maybe your concern could have came when there was still a chance? Not trying to sound mean but the things you described above happen over time not over night. Sad thing is, you did not need $ to take her to court. You have an order and the minute that she failed to comply you could have called in CPS/sheriff’s office and refused to surrender your daughter back until her safety could be verified. If she has not attended ordered parenting class, you contact the DA and report her. You will be fighting against your daughter at this point because I am sure that for the price of freedom, her misconception that a party mom is better than an apt mom will cause her to lie about her living conditions. I will tell you as the courts told me but I’ll put my spin on it- although my son was 4 and my x husband was on felony parole for possession, "you can not control what i,pact the other parent has on your child. you being the more "fit’ parent are left with the obligation to protect your child, through your child. Teach your child survival skills, re enforce your moral beliefs, express your disapproval in her mother’s actions, and reassure her that hell/high water, you are her father, you love her and you will continue to love her even as she stumbles in her mother’s footsteps."
I don’t know what state your in but in the state of Washington if the child don’t go to school the parent can be put in jail and if Cps is after her then Why don’t you go through them to get your daughter out of her home and into your go to legal aid service if you can’t a fore a lawyer there service is free as soon as your daughter became a teenager she had the right to tell the judge who she wanted to live with you go talk to your daughter school about what can be done to keep her in school the school can take action again your wife if they have to put her in jail for your daughter missing school I f your ex has a drinking problem and she letting a minor drink then you need to report her to the police if you know all this is happening if you got something to show the judge and to Cps and to the police then you can get the younger kids remove from the home She has to do what the CPS and the court tell her to do you need witness picture anything you can do to show she a unfit mother . Good luck
If your ex is in violation of court orders, you need to go back to court.
In the meantime, ask yourself why on earth you wanted her to be the mother of your child. She sounds like a hot mess, yet there was a point in time when you looked at her and thought to yourself: Yep, she’s the one.