Is it wrong to tell my husband I don’t want him to play in a band with a heroin addict?
The heroin addict in question is an old friend of both of ours. He has a habit of getting dangerously addicted to drugs and spending time in and out of rehab. I have been emotionally supportive for this guy multiple times, for almost 8 years!He swears he’s going to get better, he fails. Now he tells my husband recently that he’s tried heroin but only once or something. I have seen him recently sitting on the ground by the bus stop looking like he was tripping out and rocking back and forth on the ground! I told my husband that our child’s safety should be our biggest concern, not playing in a band. I told him I didn’t want this guy at our house and he had him over anyways(x2)! We have a six year old daughter!! I don’t want my child exposed to a heroin addict! So anyways the band is made up of like all of my husband’s friends and I told him I don’t want him going anymore. I told him go ahead tell them it’s my fault I don’t care. He hasn’t been going since I told him I was furious and I will not have it, but I think he’s actually blaming me for being the problem. I feel really bad that he may feel this way.. I was just looking out for the welfare of our family. I also want to add that he would always end up driving this guy to band practice and back and I didn’t want drugs in our car! Yahoo users was this wrong of me to do????
Related Information:
Tagged with: 8 years • bus stop • drugs • habit • heroin addict • multiple times • old friend • Rehab • spending time • welfare • yahoo • yahoo users
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
I’m a professional musician and producer who supports his family with music.
I’ve been signed in regional/ medium label bands with heroin addicts. they NEVER get better. they just "behave" for a while. Look: tell him he’s an idiot and there’s no way this guy is going to get better if they take off and go on tour…that’s just a retarded way of thinking. (plus, when you’re in the studio with a user is when their use comes out clearly…..the way albums are recorded these days (overly-perfect) can really draw out the weak link….
i toured with a junkie for a month….it affected EVERy aspect of my life for the following half-year…good thing i came to my senses and let it go once i had kids. Musical success allows the junkie more time to be a junkie….and they always do.
tell him to smarten up and get his head out of his @55. (sorry for the tough language, but it’s true.) If there’s even the possibility of having drugs in your car, your hubby’s a MORON for it. You’re obviously the smarter one in the relationship. (But considering my experience wth all the musicians i’ve dealt with in the rock label scene, that’s not at all surprising)
also, i wish him the best in the music industry. it’s ugly as h3ll and i think i’m producing my last record this december because of it.
EDIT: people who are criticizing YOU for worrying about your family and "judging" a junkie are complete idiots….or at least idealistic and a bit ignorant to what can and almost-always does happen. they don’t understand that it is YOUR job to look out for your family; monitoring the people your family members spend their time with is part of that.
2ND EDIT: by the way, you saw him swinging like junkies do in remission at the bus stop. you’re right to assume he’s using
i’d tell him how i felt, while trying very hard not to pass judgment or make accusations or point fingers.
tell him how YOU feel and the concerns YOU have. i wouldn’t ask him to do anything about it – other than trust him to use his own good judgment.
I don’t see why you feel bad if he actually complied. You would’ve felt upset if he did, so choose the lesser of the evils and move on.
you are TOTALLY right…………. you need to put your foot down hard here. i would never ever ever ever ever let man like that near my family, house or child. you might have to take the guilt for this but know that you did it to protect. he can find another"band" to play in……. stand your ground girl!
you should not judge people! non-drug users can be worse then drug-users. if your husband plays in a band with him that does not mean that he will use drugs too. your husband is a grown man he should choose if he wants to be in the band. you can make rules like no giving this guy a ride or having him over, while your daughter is there but to tell your husband he flat out cannot go to the bad thing is being a little controling even though i know how you feel and i would want to do the same thing, you have to let him make the decision or he may resent you or hold it over your head. if this drup guy is as bad and you say he is your hubby will realize this and stop going on his own
if he even is seen with the drug addict, and the police are after the druggie, your husband will get in serious trouble, there is no such thing as an innocent bystandard anymore, if he drives him around he drrops a bag of dope, or a needle, or anything with drugs on it it could be horrible. take this scenareo, your husband drives this guy to band practice, parks in a bad spot and the cop comes to write him a ticket, and the officer see’s a baggy or a needle, probable cause, your husband gets arrested for drug posession
Yes, I think so.
Look, this friend of his obviously has some drug problems in his past and you have to boost morals into your husband to be a good friend to this guy and influence him not to do drugs and influence him to be a good loyal friend that cares. Its possible that your husband just has a big heart and actually cares about his friend, but he isn’t bringing this man into your house, he isn’t bringing him around your children and so I don’t understand what your huge problem is. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your husband about your own insecurities around drug addicts, YOU are the one blaming this man for everything… but talk about YOURSELF and how you feel and stop judging everyone. Who knows, maybe the guy is cleaned up?
if your car ever get pulled over by a cop for any reason and they suspected drugs in the car and found any. you guys would be in very big trouble, this druggie willl affect your marriage, count on it.
You are his wife and NOT his mother. You can set some ground rules without demanding he stop doing something that he clearly enjoys doing. He is a big boy and if he starts to feel emasculated, you will lose him because he will resent you.
Lay down some fair ground rules starting with the band not coming to the house for any reason. Remember one thing when you are laying down rules, he is a grown man, not a child and should be treated as such.
If you start feeling more like his mother than his wife, your marriage will suffer.