How can I be nicer to my husband?
Whats wrong with me? I think im soooo nice, but i am not – he just deals with my crap until we get in a fight and he says "I hate the way you talk to me and treat me" and I say "what are you talking about? I havent even been rude" and hes like "ya – you just keep thinking that….you are always rude – especially when you mad about something" SO~ what do i do? I need to change my attitude, but i have no idea how – or where to start! I honestly love him so much – so why would I treat him so disrespectfully? And how do i get him to see that I dont wanna be this way – and i AM sorry? Please someone tell me – how can I change myself?? Is there a book or some tips that you have? This could save my marriage! Thank you so much!
also – i have asked him before to tell me when im doing it – but he never really does!
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Tagged with: 101 • attitude • crap • hes • marriage • Whats Wrong • Ya
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You need your husband’s help here. Ask him to tell you when you first say something he thinks is mean or rude, so you know what instances he’s referring to. If he only tells you when you argue, that doesn’t point out what you’re specifically doing and it certainly won’t fix the problem. He could have a buzz word like "banana" whenever you say something he thinks is disrespectful. It’ll make you stop and think about what you just said, and probably make you giggle a little too. Good luck – the first step is admitting you want to change. The next step is finding out what needs to change.
Think before you talk, and then, don’t talk.
No one over the internet can solve that problem
Dr. Phil has a couple of different books that would be helpful to you (and your husband).
get therapy for youself.
Tell him to tell you when are being rude. If you don’t realize what you are doing or saying is hurting his feelings tell him to tell you. The best way to change your attitude is with help and who better to help you than him. Just tell him that you do and say things that are normal to you and don’t realize that they are hurting him.
get the book Love Dare
You need to tell him that you can’t fix what you don’t know about.
Maybe you need a third party…..like counseling.
I am sorry to hear about your situation.Before speaking to him , treat him like you want to be treated. Think before you speak. Think of him sometimes not yourself. I think that you love him but have trouble communicating with him. Marriage counseling is really good at helping couples to learn how to communicate and treat each other . I hope that you guys work it out , get help and stay together.
Life is too short to spend your time being rude to the people you should love most, no offense but being rude is a choice so you can choose to stop it, it’s not like it’s out of your control.
Make believe he’s your boyfriend, not your husband. I’m sure before marriage, things worked out better for you ! It really works !
Just pretend he’s leaving you for that bi*tch in 6b, you know, the one with the big — who’s always eyeing him…judging by what you’ve written about him, this should not be too much of a stretch of your imagination because he sounds like a nice guy, one someone wouldn’t mind getting her hands on.
I had a very similar problem that I just refused to even see much less acknowledge, even after my husband and two daughters had all said the same thing at separate times. To prove them wrong I asked them to point it out when I was being ‘rude’. Sure enough they were right, I did it all the time. After that I could change because I had seen and acknowledged the thing I needed to change. You are way ahead of where I started since you have already acknowledged the problem. Try having your husband, politely, point it out when you are exhibiting the bad behavior. If that doesn’t work both of you go to a marriage counselor. It doesn’t mean your marriage is in jeopardy to see a marriage counselor. My husband and I have been several times over the years to take care of minor problems before they became major problems.
Use your mouth in a different manner….be reallllly nice
Before you speak anything to him ask yourself, "would I talk to a good friend in that manner?" If your answer to that question is no, then you should start looking at the reasons you feel it is ok to talk to him like that. I know that it’s easy to get comfortable with someone and feel like you can say or do anything, but believe me, after a while it gets old and you get tired of hearing it. You get tired of being put down. You get tired of the constant disrespect.
I’d say if you want to keep your marriage intact, you should seek counseling. You need to get to the real issues.
My Dearest Darling,
There’s nothing wrong with you. Sometimes people from all walks of life just have a hard time expressing themselves continuously especially Men in a marriage where affection calls.
All ladies need assurance that their Man loves them and it’s something you cannot turn off.
Marriage & Love is like a river that flows constantly never going dry.
The Man must learn how to flow like the river and all the problems will be solved, but when a Man drys up he turns to dust and the love and the marriage becomes a haven for two people that grow to hate one another rather than love.
You have done nothing wrong and your just as sweet now as you were when you got married…it’s he that must find his path.
I get similar acusations from my husband. Perhaps you might find it useful to go to a councellor by yourself and once some things have been sorted through bring him into it for some mediated conversations. It sounds as though he would be open to helping you with this which is really great
Good luck.
when he gets off work greet him at the door with a six-pack, a pizza, the remote and for dessert some oral
That sometimes happen to me, my boyfriend tell me I speak to him rudely, but like you I don’t know I’m doing it. We need help.