Did she ever really love me?

Hello everyone, I “dated” a girl for 7 months. After about a month and a half she told me she loved me. I already felt like I loved her, but did not say anything. Once she said it I did too. I thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me. We worked together and kept it a secret. That was what she wanted and I agreed. We both agreed to keep it exclusive. About 2 months in she tells me her ex is texting her and she wants to be friendly because they have mutual friends.

Things ended badly and friends were picking sides. Anyway, she starts to become more distant. At around 3 months she comes over 1night crying. She doesn’t tell me what’s going on but she puts on old love songs and cries her eyes out.

I figured something happened between her and the ex and that’s why she became distant and also why she is crying now. He probably screwed her over again. So we go away on a trip. She told me it was just going to be me & her, but somehow it was cheaper to bring more people so we have 2 of her friends come along. One of the friends works with us so we kind of keep our distance so her friend won’t find out. Once we get to our destination it turns out there is another friend ( a guy) that she knows there. We all go out drinking and I’m getting tired and want to leave. She keeps stepping outside to smoke with her guy friend. When they stepped out to have another cigarette I stepped out as well. I saw them hugging and his hand on her ass.

I was so pissed that I grabbed my luggage and left. A couple of days pass and we talk. She tells me she never intended for that to happen and she is sorry. I decide to forgive her. So one day when we’re 4 months into this she is in my house and goes to work and leaves her email open. I know I shouldn’t have put I looked. Turns out she wrote a goodbye letter to her ex during that second month she was being distant. In it she says she loves him and how could he screw her over even though they made love the night before. I felt crushed. There was also a pic she text’d to another guy of her in a bra showing her cleavage. I never told her I saw these things. We have been fighting for several months because I want her to spend more time with me. She never makes plans for us, and she only comes over on her days off after she goes partying. I told her people that people who love each other want to spend time together. Every time I broke it off (and there have been alot) she calls, or texts, me saying she misses me. The break-ups almost never last longer than 8 days not talking.

We went away together the end of August. Then in September she becomes distant again and I saw her only 2x that month. Then in October we spend several days together. I’m over at her house and she asks me to hand her her daily planner. I see that at the end of August she has a guys name written in as “he lands”. I ask her and she says it’s a friend she had to pick up from the airport. So now I wonder if he is the reason why she became distant in September. I have recently found out that on facebook she has been clling this “friend” hot. And that she asked him “when are we going to hang out?”

I have been asking her to hang out on a regular basis for months, but she never makes time. She only does it when I break things off. I believe she loved me cause she said so and whenever I wouldn’t speak to her she would call/text me. She has even cried on the phone with me. I again broke things off with her 3 weeks ago. She says she is used to me doing that so it doesn’t bother her. I have been crying alot recently. I really love her and would gladly forgive her if she were to see me more often and stop her nonsense.

Does anyone else think she may love me? She seems like it doesn’t matter to her that we are apart going on a month now. I tell her I still love her and that she needs to stop contacting me. She says she will then she calls/texts. She doesn’t do it to get back together of work things out. She does it to hear my voice or vent about something. I wouldn’t even mind that but when I need to hear her voice or talk she is never available. And because we were a secret we could never been seen together at work. Yet she goes out with guys from work all the time. She does it on a regular basis. She tells me it’s cause they are friends and we actually date. She makes me feel like shit all the time. I just can’t let go of her.

Please give me some advice.

Thanks.


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