I cheated on my wife 2.5 years ago, and now she knows and left me, will she ever trust me again?
About 2.5 years ago I slept with another woman. I came home, showered, and I had never felt more disgusted with myself. For 2.5 years I hid it deep inside, and it ate away at me. I wanted to tell her so bad, but I couldn’t sit down and break her heart like that. My wife recently found out about the affair, and left and went to her parents house. She is scared and doesnt think she will be happy with me ever again because she will always worry. This is the woman I am supposed to be with, and although I made a terrible mistake 2.5 years ago, I have been trying to change myself and be a better husband since that time. I would do anything to let her know that I love her. I’ve never felt this kind of pain in my life…my heart aches so bad, because I know what I have done to her. Im the one who is supposed to make her smile, Im not supposed to break her heart. She is my world, and I would do anything to have her at my side for the rest of my life…but how can I make her see that?
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Tagged with: heart • Hid • love • parents • rest of my life • Sit • smile • terrible mistake • woman
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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…i don’t think so! why did you wait so long to tell her? no trust!
idu!
counseling
She’ll never forget and things will never be the same. it’s one of those sad things where you wonder ‘what if’. You can’t change how a person reacts to such things. It’s been this long and she’s still holding a grudge? She might be depressed and have a warped view of herself (wondering what was your motive for cheating. She’ll wonder if she wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough…) Sometimes you have to realize that the person you loved changed (because of that) and you may have to move on instead of torturing yourself. It’s a mistake that can’t be erase.
And counseling is bull, I’m sorry, it’s a scam to profit off of troubled couples
As Miss Winehouse sang, "Love is a losing game".
I wish you well and please think realistically. And you can fall in love with someone new and not make the same mistake again.
hahaha! too bad for you.
pity you didn’t get a STD.
I have an idea! Tell her to go to this webpage!
i always say that it takes years to built up trust, but seconds to destroy it.
im sorry you made that mistake, but you made your bed and now you have to lie in it. to be completely truthful, i wouldnt trust you ever again, let alone forgive you. cheating severs ties for me.
probably not pig
Perhaps you should have thought about that before you slept with the other woman. She may never trust you again and I wouldn’t blame her. WHY would you do something like that? Shame on you, you probably lost the best woman you will ever find!
Counseling would be good. She may also need some time to herself. To heal. My advice give her some space and then try to start over(if she’s willing). That means courting her. You also have to prove you can be trusted. Which isn’t going to be easy. Whatever you do DO NOT make excuses for your actions. DO NOT try to blame her either. None of this is her fault. I hope things work out for you. If they don’t have the decency to let her walk away w/ her dignity in tact.
Should have thought about the consequences before cheating! You may not be able to make her trust you again.
It is a very hard thing, to trust someone after something like that. I think that if you can show her that you would never do it again without bugging her about it, you might be able to get her back. The only thing is that you are going to have to be completely truthful and honest from here on out. Hiding what you did from her for so long was just as bad as doing the act. This is a hard situation and you are just going to have to prove to her if you really do want her back and you are going to have to not ever do it again. Just don’t nag her about it because you can drive someone away by putting to much pressure on her. She is going to have to have a lot of time to heal from this.
You will have to earn her trust again. On the other hand, she may not want to be with someone who does not care about her life or their life and would expose her to STDs and AIDS/HIV.
marriage counseling might help, but honestly there really isn’t anything that is going to make her trust you again 100%. Sorry, but the heart is the hardest thing to heal and scars never go away. It’s always going to be in the back of her mind like it was for you those 2.5 years.
Tell her exactly what you wrote. Then all that you can do is just give her time. She may decide to give you another chance, she may not. That’s her choice. But if she does, go to counseling. You sound very sincere about your mistake, hopefully she’ll realize she can trust you again.
Maybe ask her if you guys can wrote letters back and forth? Get to know each other again.
Good luck : /
http://www.socyberty.com/Relationships/Relationship-Advice-How-to-Regain-Trust-After-You-Have-Cheated-on-Your-Partner.57346
I was looking up something similar on google today- regain trust was my search.
When I kissed another guy my partner was so angry, and although he is still with me and forgave me I don’t know if he is ever going to trust me fully, ever again.
Life’s just like that sometimes. You have to live with the consequences of what you did for a long time. Even if she comes back it will be a year or more before you are happy together. She will be suspicious, clingy, jealous.
If this marriage is truly for life you will find a way to get through it but it will be hard. You will have to put your own needs aside for a very long time. Not many people can do that. Think about why you cheated in the first place. There is always a reason. Is that reason still there? If so, maybe it’s best to let go.
Tell her how stupid you were.. let her understand why you did it… why did you do it.? you have to think of something over the top to get that woman back.
I wish you the best of luck. You should know her by now… like you know the back of your hand.. You will think of something.
GOd bless you
MARRIAGE THERAPY AND NOW…AND you get into single therapy…she wont believe you unless YOU make the effort on dealing with it ALONE and finding out WHY you cheated
what happens in the dark always comes to light. Even after 2.5 years. I’m sorry to hear about this.
But do you honeslty expect your wife to find out, assuming that you did not tell her and roll back in your arms and be happy. Sorry it doesnt work that way. your wife is hurt. Honestly she may forgive you after while but it will take her a looooong time to truly get over it.
If you had told her she would be over it better. Because, even tho you made a mistake, you were man enough to come clean.she would trust you then.
But now. she may forgive you in time. but it may take a while to get the trust back. she will never never forget. I know this may not be what you want to hear. But it’s the truth.
good luck
Her loss man ,
Do you really want someone so anal ?
Like , unforgiving , heartless , and willing to
throw the towel in
when trouble knocks at the door ?
You cannot make anyone see anything .
Take your punishment like a man. After all guy , it was your
pecker that got you into this mess .
Not that I think she is not heartless , but , we all have to pay up when the bill comes due .
First you have to allow her time aand space. If you are sincere, she’ll see that in time. It’s going to be a long while if ever before she fully trusts you again. You have to allow for that. Good luck.
forgive my bluntness, but you should have thought about that 2 and a half years ago. i understand that it was a mistake, but if it were my husband, i would be crushed. i dont think i could ever forgive him. how did she find out about the "affair" anyways?
How did she find out about something that happened so long ago? Did you leave a long, lost clue so she would find out and you could apologize and let go of your guilt? First off, you need to earn her trust back. Keep your word. Walk the fine line next to being perfectly trustworthy. Tell her all that you wrote here. It is heart-wrenching. This was obviously not an affair for you, but a one night stand. You will have to deal with some bad days for her, where she’s thinking about it. If she can’t forget, it might be too hard for her to forgive. She might even cheat back. There are books about recovering from a cheat. Wishing you luck.
" She is my world, and I would do anything to have her at my side for the rest of my life…but how can I make her see that?"
Hmmmm how about by not cheating on her?
You need to talk with her, and if you want to help fix your marriage you will honestly answer any questions she has without getting upset or agitated. Ultimately there is nothing you can do this decision is hers and hers alone. Don’t smother her or you are only going to force her further out the door. But don’t completely forget about her. She needs and wants you more than you think right now!
If she is not able to forgive you and work at saving the marriage it is over. You will not be the one to make that choice she will be. Anyway you look at it your marriage will never be the same again.
2-1/2 yrs ago or 20 years ago she will not forget….
you broke your vows give her time!! Pray a lot and seek counceling and eat crow!!! Time will tell.
Too late, you can learn from your mistake she will never trust you would you trust her if she did that to you. If you break the law do the cops forgive and forget most of the time no. So why is it people expect their spouse to forgive and forget when we break the vows?
Time and counseling.YOU need to find out exactly why – you did such a dumb thing to be begin with and what you are going to do to prevent it in the future. Trust is a hard road to reconstruct once broken. Good luck.
No she won’t, she trusted you and you betrayed her.
first of all if you truly loved your wife, you would have never even thought about being with anothe woman.you made a vow and committment to her the day you got married.obviously you did not take them seriously like your wife did.that trust you broken isn’t easy to repair. i don’t you’re sorry for hurting your wife, you are sorry that she found out your dirty little secret. your behavior was cruel and immature.
Trust is something you will have to earn. It is not just given cause you want it. Try counseling. The pain your experiencing in similiar to the pain she is going through due to what you did to her. Rough isnt it????
well just tell her that, let her know exactly what you told us here on Yahoo, i know that if she’s anything like me she won’t want to take you back, b/c i just cannot be with a man that cheated on me, but maybe she’s not at all like me, and maybe you’ll have a chance at getting her back if you be honest with her and let her know how sorry you really are about what happened.GL.
This is why the divorce rate is so high.
She may forgive you someday in the future but she will never forget what you did to her. You both need counceling but only if both are willing to work out your relationship for the better.
There was a reason why you cheated in the first place that had nothing to do with your wife. She does not want to hear how much you love her and need her at your side. That part is over.
You made your bed your going to lie in it.
It may have been over 2 years ago for you, but it is new for you wife and she is dealing with the feelings of betrayal NOW. So, it doesn’t matter if it was 2 years, for her, it is like it was
yesterday.
She is in shock, hurt and confused. She might feel like the last several years have been a lie!
Start by ending any contact you might have with this other woman if any. You made a CHOICE 2 years ago, not just a mistake. Take full responsibility for that choice and reassure your wife that it was about YOU and problems within yourself that lead you to make that horrible choice at the time. Your wife now doubts herself and wonders why you needed such a thing.
Your words will mean little. Let her see your by your actions that you will do whatever it takes to earn and rebuild that trust you damaged so severely with your self indulgent behavior. Seek individual and marriage counseling with a counselor certified in couples counseling. Don’t wait for your wife to set it up, YOU do it! Show her the changes you will make to protect your marriage in the earliest stages of temptation.
Be completely open and have compassionate honesty with your wife as she asks you questions about your affair. ANY deception or cover up will set things back horribly! Be open and ‘transparent’ with your wife. Give her full access to any communication routes you have, such as email, IM, phone logs, voice mail etc. Invite her to look whenever she wants, as you will have NOTHING to hide.
There is no quick fix, it will take time. Your wife may doubt your love right now. Keep reassuring her, even if you get anger back, as she is hurting more than you at this point. Her foundation and reality just got turned upside down. It someways, it might be a relief for you to finally get this off your chest, you have had 2.5 years to deal with this, but your wife hasn’t. Most likely, she suspected something, but made excuses for odd things in your behavior. Now, she is kicking herself, feeling foolish for trusting you.
She may hurt, but YOU are the best person to help her right now. It’s not going to be easy and there is no quick fix.
Following are some resources for affair recovery. A support group would be helpful for both. I suggest that you not post on the same one, as it can get difficult to feel free to express yourself and sometimes, manipulative. A support forum on affair recovery helped me tremendously after discovery of my H’s affair 7 years ago.
Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
This one has a section for the former wayward spouse.
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
A book about building protective boundaries.
"Hedges, Loving Your Marriage enough to protect it" by J.Jenkins.
Now, seek help and let your wife SEE your actions. Keep communication lines open and keep telling her about your love, even if she tells you NO, just keep telling her. Eventually, she might just believe you again.
Why would you cheat on your wife if you love her and she is your world????
Was it the girl at your work with the short skirt and big boobs you just couldn’t resist!! Some men disgust me.
How would you feel if your wife had an affair on you? Just picture it for a minute your wife being touched and pleased by another man and your wife touching and pleasing another man… Do you like the image?
You broke that trust that bond and you can never get it back.Just think how your wife feels, she’s probably wondering if she wasn’t good enough for you, pretty enough etc…Not to mention you could of passed a STD on to her!!!She can never trust you again.
So was that one night really worth it?
You say you know what you have done to her and your heart aches so bad. Sir you don’t know what real heart ache is until you are cheated on by the one person you believed in and loved with all your heart. The pain your wife is going through is so unbearable she can’t stand to wake up and face another heart braking day knowing what you have done to your marriage and life together. She will never feel the same way or look at you the way she use to. It’s all gone everything that once was is no more and for what something different. I remember when my husband said to me (I made a horrible mistake) a mistake is something you didn’t mean to do but on the other hand having an affair is something you wanted to do even after you knew it was wrong you did it any way so please a mistake doesn’t come close to what you have done.Even if she takes you back her world as she knew it is gone forever. You have no idea what you have done mentally to your wife,if she was a toy she would be so broken that no amount of repairs could ever restore her back to what she once was. You can be sorry all you want that still doesn’t take away what you have done and never will. She might even tell you that she forgives you don’t let that fool you because deep down there isn’t that much forgiveness in the world.
There are reasons that people cheat and not tell and it has nothing to do with SEX all the time.
Figure out the reason you cheated, talk to her about it, and tell her that you’ll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to earn the trust she had before and you’re willing to give her time..years if it takes that (and it WILL!) and it’s going to be rough!
You are one of the morons who give real men such a bad name. I feel sorry for your wife’s heartbreak but applaud her strength in kicking you to the curb. She will never trust you again, and frankly, you don’t deserve to be trusted. If you are truly remorseful over your actions (and not just playing the sympathy card to get her to take you back), learn from your mistake and don’t repeat it in your next relationship.
joyhamil44, thank you very much.
the pain my wife is enduring is unimaginable for me, I owe her everything I have. My love for her is undiminished.
I will keep telling her I love her, because I do.
Hi friend, I have Sympathy on you , I am in your kind of shoes one year back. It is torturous days at home and every body affected from it including my parents.
I under stand her and love her a lot , but i consider my self little adventurous, I started an affair with an young girl and got caught at home from an SMS. After lot of confessions she forgiven me but she is finding it difficult to forget it. She tortures me and she tortures her self for doing this. After a lot of thinking i changed my place to different city though it costed me but it helped me, now we we are ( at lest I am)living happy burryieng ll the night mares and tryig every oppertunity to keep her happy.I suggest very strongly not to have any affair with any body, and not even in bathroom.