Would you help your ex wife in this case?
My wife and I divorced in 2007 after 12 years of marriage. I must say it was not the best of marriages but I do not hold anything against my wife. She made some really immature decisions while we were married that caused a great deal of problems between us. Her son also came in between us especially after he became a teenager. After the divorce she wanted to keep our house which I agreed to but even then I was wondering how in the world she would pay the high mortgage. Long story short, they foreclosed on the house several weeks ago and she is going to lose everything. I feel so badly about it and would like to help but not sure if I should interfere. I thought about giving her a little cash(can’t give her a lot) but didn’t want to send the wrong message, like I wanted to get back with her. What do you guys think?
I wanted to add, I didn’t actually just give her the house but I did take a lose by letting her keep it instead of selling it. She bought me out with her new loan which jacked the mortgage over 00 a month. I knew she would not be able to handle that but thats what she chose to do. Again, she hasn’t always made the best decisions.
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Tagged with: decisions • divorce • Ex Wife • Hold Anything • marriage • teenager
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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i think its very nice of you if you help her.
just tell her you are doing it because you have known each other for sooo long and you want to help her as a friend, and it doesnt mean any thing.
I don’t see anything wrong with helping her if your on good terms. Just make sure you have a repayment plan in writing so she knows she has to repay you.
let her deal and stay out of it.
hey, i could use a thousand or two.
send your check to:
Ian A. Morhan
69 Duhmass Circle, trailer park lot # 44
Morhanville IL
60625
It’s your money and you are free to do with it what you want like being a nice guy to your ex.
I’m not sure what I would do in your situation since I am divorced as well but since we have three children together I would do what is necessary to ensure that they are taken care of, not necessarily my ex.
if she is still single yes. u dont owe her anything but it would be nice if u did. if she isnt single, tell her man to do it.
There’s nothing wrong with helping her, but don’t feel like you have to. Sorry, but she got herself into this mess.
your attitude is very admirable. go ahead and help her, just make sure that you inform her that you are only helping her to get on her feet again and so that she is not on the roads and that this offer has no strings attached.
This is part of your problem is that you feel like your interfering with things. YOU BOTh needed to interfer with her teenage son getting in the middle of your marriage. You BOTH should not ALLOWED that to happen!!!!! You two should have been mature enough to know not to let the teenager have the run of the show!!! But if you want to help, then go ahead. I think you still have feelings for her. And if you do, then figure out what you both did wrong and go from there.
HEY THERES MY FRIEND!!!! INTERNET HATE MACHINE!!!! Where have you been pal???? I’ve been looking for you>>> LOL
Nope. She made her bed, now she can lie in it.
Don’t open doors to Hell that you’ve already closed, locked and bolted shut.
Too bad. Only goes to show that she still can’t manage her financial affairs like an adult.
Her problem sport…not yours anymore.
I say let her sink. Help her and you may find yourself eventually getting dragged down with her. plus…she may expect you to carry her on everything in the future if you bail her out.
Stay away. Treat this like Kryptonite.
If you can help and you want to, please do it. Just because you are divorced doesn’t mean that you can’t be concerned or helpful when you can. Be careful how you approach her about it though, you don’t want to embarrass her. Just let her know that you know about the fore closer and ask if there is anything you can do. Then offer what you can at that point.
Red
A friend of mine was in a similar situation not because he wanted to get back with his ex-wife but just mainly because he is a good person. He got stomped on by his ex. She used him up until he finally said no….Then at that point she got upset and he not only lost money he lost a friend
I understand your desire to help her, it sounds like you still care very deeply for her. My advice is do not offer the money, offering the money can do one of two things; she’ll think you wanna get back together, or she might take insult to it and think you’re insinuating she can’t handle her own finances – no matter how true it might be.
People always figure it out, people always weather the storm… she needs to find her own way. It helps a person grow – and I’m not trying to be mean, I’m being very serious.
You have no obligation beyond any spousal or child support the courts have ordered you to pay.
Decision is totally up to you. If she was just a close friend instead of ex-spouse, what would you do? If you can and feel you want to help, do it. But, don’t feel guilty about not helping if that’s your choice.
I’ve been giving my ex $1000/month for the last 10 years. I know what I’d tell her if she asked for money.
she’ll never learn. this is her issue now. as long as your children, if you have any with her, have a place to stay i wouldnt worry about it. i’m sure she has family that will help her and there is also social services. she bit off more than she could chew. it happens and it’s sad, but it’s also life. so let her deal with her own issues now.
This could help you get back into her bed, but maybe not in her life. So spend your money wisely.
dont u think u did enough(u gave her the house for gods sake). sounds like even when u were married u were bailing her out and thats part of the reason u divorced so why would u want to keep doing it. she needs to stand on her own two feet. if u keep helping she will never become independent and will always end up needing u. if u really dont want to get back with her then i def would not help as it will be keeping u involve all the time which is not what u want or is it?
I don’t think you would really be helping her. She sounds financially irresponsible and she would probably not use the money wisely. Let her learn a lesson and keep yourself out of trouble.
Let her resolve her own issues, you cannot be giving her money whenever she needs it and she must learn from her own bad decisions and she will never learn if you are there to bail her out, for her sake, let it go and do not offer her one dime. You said yourself she made some really immature decisions and she insisted on keeping the house, so to help her at all now would be very counter prodcutive for her, let it go.
I will help her out, but then again will she be the type to keep begging for more?
While your heart is in the right place, you may only be delaying the inevitable. If you are trying to help her save the house how will she prevent this from happening again in a few more months when she still doesn’t have the money for the mortgage?
If your intent is to help her find a more affordable place to live, then by all means help her if you want.
there is nothing wrong with being kind to another person in need. if you want to help her, by all means help her.
Stay a way from her.
Stay out of it. She made her choice by taking the house. You are no longer part of the picture and it was her fault she lost the house. Don’t help her, it’s not your fault.
give her only one hundred dollars see how she acts.
nerver expect to get it back.
after that wait a little bit then you will now what to do.
if you give anything never ask her to give it back
if you give her a loan, don’t expect her to pay you back
I understand that just because you are divorced does not mean you stop caring about the well being of your ex. She is the author of her situation. It seems that you did warn her about the mortgage. If you want to give her some funds while she is down and out then that is really up to you.
I would make sure that she understood that this is just what you mean it to be, a gift (not a loan, she is probably not in a position to pay you back anyway) with no strings attached because you want to help a "Friend" who is in a bad way. If she insists that she will pay you back then accept this and let her know that she can do this when she is in a better financial position.
Make sure she understands that this is not an overture to get back together. You will have to spell this out to her if you decide to help her financially.
Let her know that you don’t have deep pockets and won’t be able to help her with more funds later.
If she refuses the money, do not force the issue. It will look like you are trying to interfere with her freedom.
Keep it simple and friendly, no hugs or kisses or dinner dates as these may lead her to think it is something other than one freind helping out another.
Good luck and tread light
Don`t give her anyting.- you`ve done your bit by letting her have the house – If now she can`t afford it – thats "her problem" you`ve moved on and don`t feel "guilty!! Spend your money (what ever you`ve got) on yourself. What you had with her has "long gone" and you "owe her nothing" Don`t get "sucked into this latest problem she`s got"
You`ve had to start again – so can she!! If she had any sense she would have seen this comming a long time ago – with regard to the payments etc. and she should have agreed to sell the house at the time and split what ever was left between you both. Maybe her and the son see you as the "money cow" well not anymore!!!
I would not do it because if she cannot handle keeping the home now then she will not handle it after you catch her up with your money. I would not bail her out because she needs to learn not to make so many bad decisions for herself to survive on her own. You were already generous enough to take a loss on the house so now let it be hers. Move on with your life and let her move on with hers and find yourself someone that doesn’t give you stress.
I would only help my ex-wife…off a cliff!! You owe her nothing,she should’ve read the fine print,it’s not your problem anymore.
She’s an adult and this may help her to realize that maybe it’s finally time to start making the right decisions. If you keep helping her she will alays rely on it and never learn.