how to fall in love again with your spouse?
I wrote a question earlier about if my wife was interseted in me, well later that week my wife told me that she is not in love with me anymore, I feel a divorce is last resort and the thing that make us lose everything. wy wife said that she loves me but not romanticly. I we still live in same house and do everthing like normal married couple. i know that this is short discription for long discussions, but i would like to know if you fell out of love with someone is there a chance of reviving that love. like take your ex for and example if you were to fall back in love with that person what would that person have to do to get you to fall back in love.
ok i have seen some answers and let me elaborate, we don’t hold hands anymore, she will not let me kiss her, she does let me scratch her back or rub her feet and so forth, but as far as dating to try and rekindle or find that lost love she is not sure what she wants she tells me that she does not know if she can go back.
I guess i have to add more info, i showed my wife lots of love i would caress her while in bed, on the couch, i would be the one to want to hug her when we got home from work, i was very attentive, i am not saying i was perfect, I have had an anger issue and would be verbally abusive not call her names or things but just i guess mean stuff would come out when i felt threatened or hurt, a lot of it i felt came from how it was contant rejection i would have beg for kisses and when we hugged i would have to say things like can’t you hug me with some love into it. i felt that she always thought that every kiss and hig would have to lead to sex and thats why she did not want to do anything. i did not bring flowers near enough, i did not clean the house at all , i am just not sure how to tell how she really feels and if there is a chance for us to fix this marriage, i love her so much and she says that she feels so bad because she knows how much i love her.
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Tagged with: anger • couch • divorce • everthing • Fall 98 • Fall In Love • flowers • Hold Hands • how to fall in love • Kisses • last resort • Live 105 • lots of love • marriage • Married Couple • Rejection
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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I am sort of in your situation, but in reverse. I have started falling out of love with my husband. I don’t want to, and am trying very hard to prevent it. I will tell you right now, I know why I feel the way I do, and have tried to tell him, but he just sees it as my nagging him. When someone does something that hurts you, I believe that you should let them know so that he/she has the opportunity to recognize when it happens again, then stop it, or apologize if it does. Well, the way it started with me: The failed attempts at communication and the fact that he acts like he doesn’t have to lift a finger to keep this going…keep the flame alive so to speak. I can tell you right now that the main reason why I am here is because I made a commitment to this man, but if I had not, I would have left him already. Have you "listened" to your wife? Does she feel loved? Don’t think that just because you come home to her every night she should feel priveliged. Actually "make" her feel loved by doing the little things. Open her doors (even as independent as some women are, this is still a sign of wanting to take care of her), write her a note, buy a card or flowers. Take her out on "dates" even the movies is great. Just hang out with her and talk about nothing, but have have fun. She should be your best friend, the person you can joke and carry-on with…act dumb and laugh at and with each other. Just let her know every day that you love her…genuinely. Do not ever leave her or hang up the phone with a "byeloveyou". Tell her "I love you and I will see you soon". A lot of times the way you say something and the tone of voice say a lot. If you are geniune, and let her know in your actions that you want to be there with her and be the one to take care of her, then she will do the same for you. I may know what she is going through. My husband says he loves me but more than not, I feel taken for granted and like an annoyance. I can feel myself not wanting him anymore, and I can honestly say that I love him, but I am no longer in love with him. If you love your wife, give it everything you can with all of your heart. Don’t let her leave you (either physically or emotionally) thinking "I should have".
This happens especially with couples that marry young. The reason being, their needs and desires continue to change and evolve with time. It may be that you were the type of person your wife was looking for early on, but is now looking for sommething different. Perhaps you can have a talk with her and see what those needs are, and ask if its possible you can BECOME that person.
I could never fall in love with my ex again, because she slowly became someone I couldn’t relate to any more. I ended up disliking her in the end because she chose bad friends who had a negative influence on her.
depends on why i fell out of love to start with
Road trip.
It is possible to fall back in love with someone. Act like you did when you first were dating. Go out to dinner send her flowers. Be romantic.
Do you call her up and ask her out on dates? Do you open the car door for her (not when it is moving)? Do you bring her flowers for no special reason? Do you tell her she is pretty and treat her like a queen? Do you hold her hand all the time when you’re in public? Most guys whose wifes fall out of love with them are the tattooed, shaved-head, Oakland Raider fan, beer drinking, crude, obnoxious, porno-renting, foul-mouthed types who make their wife feel like shit all the time. I’ve been happily married for 26 years without a single day’s separation and it was following the list at the first of this answer that has made it possible for me at least.
I always find it refreshing to go on a road trip, spending lots of alone time and having picnics!Good luck
The big question is, are both of you wanting and hoping to fall back in love with each other? If so, then there is hope but if not, then divorce may be your only route. In a long term relationship couples often go through a stage where they are more comfortable with each other than in love with each other. This is usually because things have become very routine and the things they argue over have become so constant that each accepts that they know how the other feels. To get back to being in love you need to mix things up and look at your relationship with younger eyes. Start dating each other, touch each other just because, sneak in a kiss when you are close, tease each other, hold hands, and make time to enjoy and share life. Being in love is about intimacy and for intimacy you have to touch and have fun and share life. Is there some major dream that both of you have that you have never made happen? An exotic trip or unique adventure? Make those happen together and you may find you really haven’t lost what you once had, it just got buried beneath every day life.
its too late
if a person has told you the way they felt its there feeliongs you can’t change it at all it happens let it go to many people out there to be worried about one female. She has told you thats that move it along bigger and better things in life to short of time on this earth make it count….
Baby,she’s just upset and very angry for some strange reason,but trust me, she’s still in love with you in every way and even more so,since she has gotten bold enough to say that,just to see you reaction.Why does she still live there?I would be out if I didn’t love my Husband anymore.That’s why I seriously doubt it,if she’s serious!!
A VERY big portion of the equasion would be her heart and willingness to want to try again. Does she have that "Grass is Greener"mentality? Does she seem very interested in the prospect of other men and new horizons? Or is she simply in a rut and needs some rejuvination from you to spark it again? I think you need to answer those questions first. If it’s a possative outcome..then perhaps you should strongly consider a second honeymoon. A cruise is a very cost efficient and romantically strengthening option. Good luck.
I am in the same boat as you are. I have learned it takes 2 and I cannot "make" anyone feel or do anything that they do not want to. I just try to continue to be nice, faithful, and have a little patience. It is the patience thing that is the hardest part for me.
I go through times where I think "forget this" and want to just get a divorce but then there are times when I do not feel that way.
Will she go on a vacation with you? Suggest returning to where you went on your honeymoon.
I can tottaly relate to your situation!I feel the same way about my husband.We have been together since we were teenagers!I’m 30 now&he’s 35!We still Love eachother.But I feel like we’re not ‘in’ love anymore.He says we still are.But it just doesn’t seem like it to me.To get me to fall back into love with him.We would have to have as much sex with me as when we first started out "ALOT" too,lol!He would have to touch me like he once did!And Come up behind me and hold me,etc!We have two children,now.So finding time for one another is difficult,but NOT Impossible!However,at least you two still feel love for one another!Even if your not "in" love like you use to be!I think all love changes over time.I mean after your with someone for so many years!I have been with him 4 about 17 yrs!And we’ve talked about this Alot.And although I don’t feel like we’re ‘in’ love anymore!I still love him.And really can’t imagine my life without him!We have seperated before,though.At one time for almost a year.And man did I miss him,during that time.That’s when I realized we were still ‘in’ love!Abscense often does make the heart grow fonder.But I am not saying to split up.Because there is a chance that your love may be reVived.You both have to work on that though!It can’t be one-sided!It really takes two.Maybe try to buy her some flowers,or perfume.Have some romantic evenings together.Without the kids!(if you have children!)Help her around the house.Make dinner for her.Surprize her,and take her on a Vacation!Just for the two of you!And fix up a room with a buch of flowers,candles and wine(or champagne)! I am telling you these things,only because if my husband did these things!I would definately be falling back in love with him!Be romantic.And by all means eXplore new possiblities SeXually,as well!It depends on what she is into of course But,perhaps incorporate some toys into your lovemaking,etc!Try different positions,or more oral seX!O-well I think that’s enough lol.Gesh,I ‘wish’ my husband could read this!Then He would know what to do for me,to spicen up our marriage and,rekindle the flame so to speak!And make me love him more so than I already do!I have to admit that being a "Normal" married couple can sometimes be frustrating and Boring!!Live a little!Well,I hope you can save your marriage!And if not at least you can say you tried!right?Good-Luck to you!Please leave us know how it goes K?Thank-You!
take a break …change your living situations and start dating each other again
LISTEN to Agirl, she knows what she is talking about.
GOD IS YOUR HOPE HE CAN RESTORE ANY MARRIAGE AND CHANGE YOUR WIFES HEART
you need to talk to her, and really listen. it might kill you to really know what she is thinking and feeling, but if you love her, you should listen with out interrupting. or getting mad at her for the way she feels. ask her questions, and see where she lost the love. try to find out what you can do to get that love back. don’t expect her to have good answers right away, some times women need to think on it awhile. just leave the door open, let her know that you value her opinion, and that you love her no matter what. sometimes its coming from an out side source. like a best friend giving her bad advice. or a secret crush your wife might have. the grass always looks greener on the other side. that green grass might be souring your own pasture.
if she is thinking at someone else, you have the least chances to have her inloved with you. if that’s the case, you should deal with this, since love is not an act of will, it just happens… or not.
First, think back to when you were dating, what made her fall in love with you the first time? Try sending her flowers or an unexpected card. Do the things together that you did back then. All relationships take work, especially the ones that last forever. Do you remember the first time you kissed her? Tell her about your memories, call her during the day just to say I love you, was thinking about you and wanted to say hello. Good luck! I have been married 17 almost 18 years and it takes work, go on a date just the two of you, hire a babysitter, take her somewhere special that you went to while you were dating.
WOW, you know honestly a lot of these women are right for ex: Agirl and few others who can relate. I myself can relate. No I am not blaming this on the men, sometimes the man feels this way about the woman. But anyhow, I have only been married 4 months and already I feel that we are an old boring married couple and I am so used to my daily routine and comfortable with it. I wont bother to repeat too much but follow the advice of the other women – things to do for your wife just as if you were dating. Sometimes we get so comfortable with each other that we forget to do the little things. Believe me, we notice. For instantce, my husband and I, I feel I am not in love anymore. I do love him, care for him, can’t completely imagine my life without him, I enjoy my day to day routine and life at home. But we never do anything anymore. He doesn’t do things as if we are dating, doesn’t offer for us to go out to dinner, do something romantic, doesn’t open doors for me (hell he’ll open the door but walk in first) without even realizing, he doesn’t surprise me with anything … when we spent our first Valentines together (we were only married 2 months) he didn’t even do anything for me. Granted honestly we were completely broke from paying bills and just getting married so we literally didn’t have one single dollar to our names. But I was at work and saw all the men bring roses and flowers and candy for their wives during lunch time. My husband didn’t do crap – he could have picked a damn flower or wrote me a letter or drew me something, anything would have been fine. But no, it was just another day and I was came home very upset and frustrated with him. I cried and I explained to him my feelings and he said "well we don’t have any money, but we get paid tomorrow we can do something then" .. that wasn’t the point … valentines day would be over … christmas , we didn’t do anything either since we just got married and bought a new car .. he said the car was our present to each other … now my mind is going to my ex only because we were together for a long time and yet he always was romantic and managed to do "the little things" for me and always noticed little things about me too. I took him for granted and dumped him for my now husband. Now I am bitter towards my husband because of arguments and cruel things he’s said. Just because my husband doesn’t drink and go out every night like other men doesn’t mean I should think of myself as lucky. I love him but I am just bored with it. I just realized that I don’t even bother to kiss him anymore or hold hands like we used to – I just don’t feel it because I am angry inside and each day he does this it gets worse. Please, romance is what your wife is looking for – the idea of "falling in love" again with someone else is probably in her mind. Although, because she stil loves you and is comfortable with her daily life with you, she probably is hesitant on leaving .. hoping maybe things will get better or she is really just accepting it and is kind of numb .. like me. Let her know that you now understand this and from now on do all you can to get that fire back. It is very possible. That way you wont regret anything if you do divorce or seperate – you’ll know you did everything in your power and wont have too much hurt or regret. Good luck – keep is updated.
How old is she, maybe she is going through the change of life. If she is then this could last a few years. It’s sad but true many couples divorce because the wife is going through this time. Go and talk to a counselor it might help
Time will heal itself. And in that time, you have alot to do. You need to make her feel like she is the only one in the room, at all times. Make her fall in love with you all over again. I know that I enjoy talking to my husband. We talk about what we did way back when, and believe me it makes you all warm inside. Just remember, there was something that she saw in you when she married you, you have to find that and rekindle that flame, and once you get it burning again, don’t let it stop. She must mean very much to you, show her. just a thought: Rent a good chic flick(for her) watch it with her, maybe something you all seen together a long time ago, its amazing what feelings go through a woman when watching those movies. I hope all works out for you. I hope this helps, may God bless you and your marriage.
the last answer by AGIRL says it all buddy . i am myself just exactly in the same boat as hers too .it seems as if mirror images of 2 lives .im sure ur wife feels the same way as us ..and u ..just quite like OUR HUSBANDS ..fail to understand that where did u go wrong ? for u like a normal hub did every possible thing for the fa,mily ..rt ? but probably while doing that ..u just forgot to SHOW UR LOVE towards her .Mind it..i never said u didnt love her..but maybe u never SHOWED it enuff. EXPRESSIONS n small little GESTURES are very imp. in life to rekindle that love all over again . besides the innumerous tips already given to u ..i’d add is ..just BE with her ,maybe just standby her side in kitchen , hold the dryer for her etc make her feel special ..not bcoz she’s a tycoon or sumthing..but bcoz of all the million women in this world ..only SHE is ur wife ,,and none other ! Unfortunately ..i cant make my own husband understand these little things as we have no communication between us ..we r 2 people with different wavelengths ,we dont have any problems if u ask as such ..no malice ..but still i feel its dragging .im stuck coz of the commitment . sumtimes i wish to dare to stand for a divorce too ,just like ur wife ..but then i know he’ll be shattered by that ..just as u are today . just as "agirl" aptly said..there is love ..but there is no love ..A love which is taken for granted is actually no love at all . im much glad that u are at least awaken by ur wife’s decision n wish to make an effort to sort it out .Trust me ..unless she’s into another serious relationship elsewhere ..she’ll not just forget divorce but also love u even more than before if u SHOWED ur love for her !
I just now read "confused as hell"’s answer n it really made me wonder that how cud men be so alike in their behaviour in all corners of world ! my hub is JUUUST like that too . he wudnt even give me a b;day card ..n upon demanding wud say its not required to say it in writing .Also he says..its really not necessary to say "i love u " because its very much understood . now who wud tell him..that its NOT UNDERSTOOD ..and we as women wish to hear it as many times a day as possible .It genuinely makes one feel nice .Now my boyfriend says it a 1000 times to me and wudnt be long if i actually got serious abt him …unless my hub woke up ..
Sounds like you have come to a crossroads, you really need to sit down with her and ask her what she wants and needs. Ask her if she sees a future for the two of you. ask her about counseling. or seeking help. Communication is the only thing that can save the two of you, she is slipping through your fingers and all you can do is watch so it seems. but I would talk to her and once you have tried your best and explored all avenues then, ask her if she thinks it best if the two of you divorce? get a reaction.
Hang in there and now more than ever be as open and honest as possible. I know it is hard to put your heart on your sleeve and you feel like your talking to a brick wall but, dont lose hope ….Yet!
I have only been my mine hubby 2 years. But for a while I fell out of love. He never did nothing for me, he never complimented me, he always wanted sex so I never kissed him bc I knew he would want it. He took me for granted. I would bend over backwards for him doing all the housework while he sits there. He could never take iniative either he wouldn’t do anything unless I told him. Recently he stated thinking outside the box. He was coming home from work knew I would be hungry and just bought me some food or knew I was low on cigs so he bought me some. You know just little things. Then he began to tell me how nice I look. And I started working until 9 o clock at night. He knew I didn’t feel like coming home and cleaning so he cleaned while I was at work so I could lay down when I got home. Also, instead of laying down at night and saying "so what’s up what you wanna do" he knows kisses me and teases me to where Im actually in the mood for sex. 2 years I have no had a sex drive and now it is crazy. I think about him all day like we just got together. It feels new again. And he actually did all this without me saying anything he just sensed that something was wrong. So do those things for your wife.
Sweetie, I think you deserve the term! Woh, you are still in love with this woman, this is very obvious. But I hate to say it, she is crazy about someone else. Trust me.. I don’t want to break it to you, but you are apparently doing so many things right. The problem is she can’t get him out of her mind. The reason why she rejects you so much, is because it’s not him who is giving her the affection. Unless you are willing to wait for this passion/lust/illusion (it can be any and all of these things) to go away, then you must move on for yourself. If kids are what is holding you back, I completely respect your reasons for staying. Kids should always come first, I don’t care what anyone says; as long as you don’t expose them to your problems of course. Good luck to you!