Husbands and boyfriends: How do you deal with your jealousy with wives and girlfriends?
I was a jealous boyfriend. Now, I am a jealous husband. My wife had breast cancer, with both breasts removed. This happened several years ago and after the mastectomies, she refused for years to have breast implants. There is a new man working in her department that is divorced. His ex-wife had breast implants done by this cosmetic surgeon. Now my wife has made an appointment with this same doctor. She says she wants to make herself more attractive for me, but my jealous suspicions seem to be that she wants to impress her coworker. They started eating lunch together as part of a group from the office. With summer vacations and people out of the office, I have found out through my wife that these two are having lunch exclusively every day, either in the office cafe or other lunch places outside the office.
A college buddy of mine, who’s wife did leave him for another man, told me that once his wife started going to lunch outside the office with guys, guys would take her to other places in their cars besides restaurants during lunchtime. I was told it was a bad sign and to watch out.
In the past, I have broken up with girlfriends that I suspected were interested in other men and I felt they were cheating on me although I had no concrete proof. Other women have broken up with me saying that I was too controlling.
My wife only has a half hour for her lunch and her co worker has an hour. She has told me that other people were fired because they were repeatedly late coming back from lunch. I told her I don’t think it’s a good idea for her to go off with this guy for lunch because if she’s late too often she could get fired.
At the place where my wife works they have a strict policy on alcohol use and being under the influence of alcohol in the work place. Two co workers at her office were fired when a manager noticed they were acting strangely after lunch, had two police man called to the work place, administered a breathalyzer and they were both fired. Last week, my wife does not drink, and when we were at a restaurant for dinner, she noticed a wine on the list and said that she tried some of that at lunch earlier that day. Her friend was having a glass of wine and recommended that she try it because it tasted like fruity grape juice.
"So, you had a glass of wine during your lunch break from work?"
Yeah, it was just one glass.
"Do you remember what happened to Susie and Jim when the drank at lunchtime?"
Sure. But they were really being stupid about it. I only had one glass. Can’t get drunk from just one old little glass of wine.
"Do you really want to take that chance? You shouldn’t be drinking during the day. I thought you didn’t drink."
"I don’t. But that wine Kenny had me try didn’t taste like wine at all."
It wouldn’t surprise me if Kenny didn’t slip a roofie in my wife’s drink from the way she was acting that night.
To make things more complex, I was laid off from my employer two years ago and I am working my own business in addition to working a second job in sales, so I am covered under my wife’s health insurance policy.
When I question my wife about this co worker, my wife gets angry and threatens to leave me saying "good luck paying for your own health insurance. Individual plans cost a fortune."
I have been uneasy with any man that my wife enjoys his company. When I was a kid, most wives stayed at home with children and the men worked. Today, many wives are working, and with the recession on, many husbands are not working or are working their own businesses because most companies are simply not hiring anymore.
Does your wife have lunch and socialize with other men at work? Does your wife have other male friends? How do you deal with this as a husband? (The same questions also apply to boyfriends with girlfriends).
My wife says that she and her co worker friend are just "Platonic" and there is nothing sexual or romantic in their friendship. Personally, I think the whole notion of a Platonic relationship between a man and a woman is a load of bull.
Women can answer also although I am primarily looking for men’s opinions on this matter.
Related Information:
Tagged with: appointment • boyfriends • breast cancer • breast implants • Breasts • breathalyzer • co worker • co workers • cosmetic surgeon • coworker • Girlfriends • half hour • Impress • jealous boyfriend • jealous husband • jealousy • lunch places • lunchtime • mastectomies • new man • Office 97 • police man • strict policy • summer vacations • suspicions • Wives And Girlfriends • Wives Girlfriends
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
from a woman’s perspective i would never do such things with another man being that i am married.. i would never be caught alone with another guy.. i wouldn’t put myself out there like that or give reasons for others to think low of me..
she’s probably feeling the feelings of a young girl again and is blinded by that.. she’s actin a fool and shaming herself for playing you this way yet has the guts to threaten you off her health insurance, that’s pathetic..
you should look into being single real soon cause that’s where it seems to be headed..
does she even realize why the other wife divorced him.. who knows but i’m just saying.. if he’s willing to be up on another man’s woman then he obviously has no respect for her either, that’s common sense..
I stopped reading when you mentioned that they were eating lunch together exclusively. This would be a major red flag for me. They usually first begin to tell each other how their spouse is not treating them right, then one thing leads to another. I would ask her not to go to lunch alone with him. If she loves you then she should respect that.
I don’t have jealousy towards her.
Jealousy is ALWAYS about FEAR AND INSECURITY which causes bad self worth which causes JEALOUSY and other bad things in a relationship.
Fix your bad self worth and all will mostlikely work out………
Self Worth
http://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=self+worth&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
After reading all that I can only say you need to get into some marriage counseling with your wife. You are obsessive and controlling.
She also should be a bit more respectful of your feelings with regards to lunching with co workers but honestly in her shoes I would probably do the same as a way of not letting myself be controlled by your irrational issues.
I am not a husband but I do have some advice for you speaking as a woman. Tell your wife that you love her and that your jealousy and suspicions are really just the outward expression of your fear of losing the most important person in your life. If your wife loves you and you go to her to communicate openly and honestly then I am sure she will respect you for it and treat you respectfully. I hope you find the answers you are looking for… good luck!
I agree with you on this one, your wife should not be having lunch especially everyday with a male co-worker and I do not care what excuse she gives to you. Why not turn the tables on her and mention you had lunch with a female co-worker and see where it goes from there. Your wife sounds disrespectful of your feelings and to me if anything concerned my husband and made him feel uncomfortable my loyalty and foremost concern would be my husband. You wife is not doing this and instead casually says they are just platonic. Then she threatens you with health insurance. You cannot allow her to control you with that threat. So my advice to you is to give her an ultimatum and follow through. Sometimes people need a wake up call in order to get back on the right path. Good luck to you!
She shared a very personal thing w/ him that he was able to help out w/ using the experience of his wife. I would imagine this bonded them in a way.
I’m sorry I’m answering this from a woman’s point of view, but I really think you need it: Your wife has been through a lot. It is and should be important to her to feel still able to attract the opposite sex. You are reaping the benefits anyway.
She’s trying to have fun and she’s adult enough to know the difference between a glass of wine and a few, getting her fired. You’re telling her things she already knows and it comes across as nagging.
The fact that you’re out of work may be a reason for your jealousy, or I may be completely wrong. Even in the most financially sound relationship, there is always tension when the supposed breadwinner (an unfair assignment given to all men) is spending time at home more than usual.
It’s not that many wives are worker, we’re supposed to all be working.
If you think the idea of men and women having a platonic relationship is "bull", then she should have been worried about you all this time and not the other way around. I have to go out on lunches w/ male co-workers all the time (I hate the female ones anyway, who never have anything worthwhile to say in the first place), and I know how to control myself either way. Give your wife some credit, please!
I mean no offense, but your jealous is very off-putting and it ruined my marriage as well. It’s not fair that she’s getting blamed for something she hasn’t even done!
Well I’m a woman so you can take it for what it’s worth. I don’t think your concerns are unwarranted. It’s really not appropriate for her to be eating lunch every day with a man and alone. "Just friends" is one of the biggest lies in the English language. Even if there is nothing sexual going on what are they talking about every day??? My guess is personal stuff that will lead to an emotional affair which is only one step away from a physical one. People who have never been in your shoes will thumb me down for what I’m about to say, but if it were me I would do a little spying. If there is nothing going on you will be able to tell from body language. If there is then you snagged it before it got out of control. Her resistance to stop doing something that so clearly bothers you is disrespectful to you and sends a bigger warning. How would she feel if you were doing it to her?
I also stopped reading when you said they are eating lunch together all the time. This is justified jealousy. You are loosing her.
Would it be cool if you were wining and dining a women and talking to her about her breast? about her cancer? about cosmetic surgery? I don’t think she’d like that much.
It’s not like it’s a long time friend, this is someone new she’s flirting with.
If I’m going out socially with a women, I go out of my way to make certain my wife if OK with it. Even when it’s my childhood friends.
There’s nothing sexual… today, but this is how it starts.
She is becoming more attached to him every day and less to you and she is choosing to do this. If she keeps at it, one day it will be sexual.
Stop framing things to her in terms of what she should or shouldn’t do and put it in terms of what you think, accept, want, and feel.
To top it off when he brings it up she tells him I’m ready to divorce you, good luck fending for yourself.
You know I wasn’t going to go here, but looking under the surface… it’s here. You need to become the primary bread winner again; I think she resents the situation.
It looks like: she feels you don’t care about her so much as what she is doing for you. You didn’t care that she was drunk with another man so much as that she would get fired for it.
That tells her your priority is her job not her devotion.
That hurt her, so her reactivity goes high and she hurts you back – ‘FU get your own damn insurance’.
Marriage Counseling. Good luck.
I have had to learn to trust my husband. Jealousy will always be an issue with me…I will always let my imagination get the best of me on occasion and wonder if he is cheating on me, but I have learned to stop the mental images and scenarios when they first pop up and just TRUST him. When I start wigging out about some girl he is working with, or someone that is checking him out, I go back and re-read one of the emails that we have sent back and forth when we first set down the rules of our relationship. He knows the limits, and he promises to honor them. What can I do but trust that he does? If I am doing everything that I can every day to make sure that he is happy, feels loved, and sexually satisfied, there is nothing else I can do but trust that he wont stray.
RED FLAG… my husband was "having daily lunch" with his co-worker and guess what happened???