What should you do if you realize you do not love your husband after 10 years of marriage?
My husband’s three years younger to me & average looking. I never found him attractive, witty or intelligent but somehow liked him as a person before we got married. I am quite attractive but a shy person. He would make me feel protected and loved. I guess that’s the reason I got married to him.
After a year of marriage we started having disputes and he would end up hitting me. I will not say he’s totally at fault as I can be very rude when I’m angry but I still feel no one should hit a woman. Things in the bedroom were also never so great. After 2 years of marriage I was attracted to another guy and was very disturbed as I felt there was something missing in my marriage. I never let anything happen between us as I can’t imagine myself cheating my husband. Again last year I had a huge crush on a guy I met just twice and I think he felt the same way. I decided never to meet that person again because of the attraction between us.
We have a child now and my husband is doing quite well in his career. I think I dont love my husband anymore and wonder if I ever did love him. Dont feel like going to a councellor. How can someone else make me fall in love with my husband. I dont see any way out? Pls help!
P.S : The other guy was attractive, witty, polite..but I do understand that I just met him twice & he must be at his best behaviour.. So, I have forgotten about this other guy.. I wish I could fall in love with my husband (for my child’s sake) inspite of the fact that he has hit me several times..but dont know how..i did get married to him because I liked him.. even though I did’nt find him attractive..
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Tagged with: 10 years • amp • best behaviour • cheating husband • councellor • inspite • love • marriage • sake • several times • shy person
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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forget about this other guy honey…he’ll just use you for your @ss.
If you leave your husband, you will be all alone in 2 years……having lost everything.
You don’t "feel" like going to a counselor?
Perhaps it could help.
For the sake of your child, please try.
No one feels "in love" all the time.
Sometimes there are moments when marriage is hard work.
If he truly abuses you than you may need to leave for the sake of you and your child.
But the other guy is definelty not the answer.
grow up and leave…
Im torn on this cause of the fact that he as hit you. Normally i would say just leave. If your husband can disrespect you like that, then whats the point…..
If it wasn’t for the hitting part i would give you advice how to fall back in love. It is possible.
Stay….or leave.
There are no other options and if you even think there possibly may be, you’re wrong.
Pshit or get off the pot.
You feel you deserve better, but let me say this….
Are your attractions for this other man, purely physical?
It seems the spark has when out…
There has be a reason you fell in love with your husband to begin with…
Is that still there? Somewhere….
~ You marry someone to be happy and enjoy your relationship together… ~
You cannot "make" yourself to love someone, the butterflies and sparkles comes with the good moments and memories, and it seems there is none in your marriage, pointing that he hits you what I do believe is pretty bad and I do not understand how you can share your life with someone who dare to do something so low….
There is always a way out ! Do you see yourself living with this man for the rest of your life ??? Is that what you want ??? What kind of "family picture" are you giving to your son, a Dad that is allow to bit his Mother ???
well that leaves you an option i mean yall have a kis so hes always going to be in your life even when if you guys decide split up i think a divorce would be best fro this situation.
sounds like your caught up in negative thinking stop and think about all the good things you have with your husband you do have a child to think about if you have been with this man for 10yrs you love him in some way that is obvious, is he still hitting? that shouldn’t be happening at all but again you said its not all him so leaves it leaves it unclear if so just go, if not you need to figure out how to work this out you sound as tho you have morals and take your marriage seriously are you sure your not just having a down time life has alot of ups and downs, also make a list of things you dont like and see if you can fix any and then make up your mind oh and make a list of good and bad for yourself also maybe you ll look at this different?
You sound like you don’t know yourself well. You are looking to outside sources to bring you happiness and joy, comfort, protection etc. Focus on yourself right now. Drop the other guy. Forget him. You’ve made choices and you must deal. You chose to get married to someone you didn’t really love. You chose to have a child with someone you didn’t really love. You shouldn’t just pick up and leave now that you’ve finally realized you made mistakes. It takes two to fight. You must now decide if you want peace or if you want to be right or punish your husband for things that he did in the past.
I recommend reading You Can Heal Your Life or watch the DVD by Louise Hay. That is a good start. You may want counseling for yourself first and then with your husband. You are in control of you honey. You can convince yourself you are in love or that you are not in love. It is all within you.
Why did you bring a kid into this mess if you did not love your husband!!!! You do need help because your decision making is horrible!!!!
1. you married a man you didn’t really love
2. you had a baby by him way after you knew you didn’t love him
Kids like mothers who want their father around!!!
What a tangled web you have weaved. You probably shouldn’t have married him in the first place! Why don’t you start by being honest with him? You sound very immature. Now there’s an innocent child involved and you now owe it to him/her to try to make this marriage work. You don’t "feel like" going to a counselor?? That shows your immaturity. As Dr. Laura says on her radio show, "act as if, and the feelings will come." Act like you’re still in love with him. Be considerate, be a friend, be loving and kind and affectionate, think of his needs before your own, and see what transpires.
Good luck. I wish you well.
Nobody can make you fall in love with your husband… Do whats best for yourself and your child.Has he hit you after that one time? Do you want your children seeing you miserable forever? If you do not leave him and continue to be with him you are being unfair, does he know how you feel? Try talking about it, you might feel better… Don’t string your husband along if you are not interested. You both deserve to be happy; find someone who makes you happy and let your husband find someone who will love him.
what do you mean you dont see a way out. does your house have a door? what are you even doing there with him?
Love is an action verb and you’re not loving your husband so there’s little doubt that he is not loving you either.
Emotion follows action not the other way around.
You want change so the onus of change is on you – start loving your husband and then ask him to change for the better as well. It starts with a conversation where you both finally tell each other I’m not happy but I want to be and want to be with you.
You have to take control and live your own life – no one can do it for you.
Get the book(s) in the source if you don’t want to try counseling.
I had this same problem a couple of years ago! My now ex-husband was never my ‘dream man’, and in retrospect, I realized I married him because he made me feel safe. I knew I was missing out on something out there, like actual passion!
There were some other factors in our relationship that don’t apply to your situation (he became a drug addict and was constantly lying to me, not to mention bankrupting our business behind my back!), but I completely identify with feeling like something was missing from the start!
So, after waffling about the situation (we had a child together too), I finally got up the nerve to leave him. It was the best decision I ever made. Sure it was tough financially, and very scary at first, but I’m now married to my soul mate. He is awesome (funny, smart, kind, gorgeous), and I’m finally experiencing that passionate love I thought I could never have! Don’t keep living in hell when you know you’re miserable – happiness is possible!
Tell your husband you’d like to explore swinging, an open marriage, or threesomes, that way you get to keep your husband while enjoying the other men at the same time.
Best I can do for you since you don’t feel like going for counseling.
I think you are 9 years too late!
You are bang on the buck when you said abuse of any kind is bad, but why now?
You should have moved out 9 years ago when you had your youth, no child and lot more life left.
Of course these are things that can corrected by a divorce, but you divorce now, you will end up a statistic, your husband; a free man to marry and your child; a emotional wreck for life.
Personal experience tells me that you will end up alone in less than 2 years.
Attraction to other men was but natural because you weren’t getting what you expected out of your marriage.
Learn to appreciate the good things in your marriage; like your healthy child (in a world that has millions of children who are born less fortunate), your husband and your marriage (which could have crumbled but stayed for 10 whole years) and in the midst of a financial crisis like now, you are still financially secure and stable. In other words, look at the glass that is half full with lot more space to fill.
Please don’t be impulsive
Counseling will help a lot, only if the both of you are receptive and yielding.
You will need to accept Jesus in your souls.
Marriage requires a lot of work, which is why they call ‘making love’ instead of just sex. You will need to make love work every single morning.
You sound like a good girl. Seeing that you lasted 10 years together is a tribute to ur character. What do you like about him the most? focus on those qualities, and help him develop them more.