How can i get out of this situation..i feel very ….?
Funny saying it because last year i tried every trick in the book to save my marriage which was once healthy and everything i ever wanted…My husband hide few things about his ex and i found out later…they are in touch due to the child they have…I felt so betrayed but still i tried to over look ..Then he refused to have baby with me and week later went on to meet his child in another city..
I was with him through thick and thin….i have good job so i help financially…but my life is stuck in one place.
being with him for 10 years and now aproaching 31 i am to scared to leave.
PS for last 2 years since his secret is exposed we are fighting and few times he hit me and stuff…last fight got ugly decided to leave and thanked god we have no babies.
Now i have this great big plans…to start over and finish studies and save money..But sometimes feel like i wont be able to do it…or regret later that i left him.Though i dont feel same for him anymore…i feel shut down.
How can i take step of leaving my marital home and start all over…i feel so lost.
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Tagged with: 10 years • babies • Funny Saying • god • good job • job • last fight • marriage • money • stuck in one • trick in the book
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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The first step would to be to make sure you keep in contact with your family and friends who you will need to support you through as you make these rather large steps in creating a new life for yourself. If they don’t know what has been going on, it may be a good time to pick someone you truely trust to talk to about everything. Friends will want to help you, because they love and care about you. This s something you should not go through alone
Remeber as well that it’s not going to be easy but you will find a way through. No matter how hard it gets at times, keep your eyes on what your goals are….getting out of an abusive relatonship, finish your studies and save money! Sometimes it may feel like one step forward and two steps back, so its important to set your goals and remember them.
If you are concerned about your safety in leaving the relationship there are agencies that can help you make a safe exit from your home, or if you feel you can leave safely but may need protection in the future it could be a good idea to apply for a restraining order through the courts.
Work out where you are going to live to start with, wether it be with family or friends or if you are financial enough, into a hotel. If he is being physically abusive you may also qualify to enter into a womans refuge initially, where you will be able to access support and assistance from their qualified staff to help you rebuild your life.
Also consider seeking some counselling or therapy after your break and move as, sometimes even when we feel like we are coping with things it can sneak up on you and having an impartial ear to listen to what you a thinking and feeling can often give you new perspective on your issues.
Good luck, and remember you are brave and strong!
smother him with a pillow while he’s sleeping.
read Star wars Darth Bane. Best book ever. Solved all my problems.
WOMEN WHO ARE TOO COWARDLY TO LEAVE AND MAKE EXCUSES DESERVE THE TREATMENT THEY GET FROM THEIR SPOUSE
There’s picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and moving on, but there’s never ever forgetting. Sorry, dear, but that’s what they call baggage.
You’re next relationship you’ll be worried about lies and him having kids and that’s NORMAL!!!
As we live life, we take along our experiences with us.
well you wont know if u can make it until u try ….. life is short and if being with him is making you unhappy then just go and think how different your life will be…….how better it would be
Goodluck
I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting to be in his child’s life, hitting you was WAY out of line so be secure that you’ve done the right thing!
My advice would be to leave as soon as possible while you still can. You even said it yourself you tried to save your marriage but that didn’t work out did it? He betrayed you once..he will keep doing it over and over again. He is hitting you? That’s spousal abuse…that’s not healthy. So you can be able to move on and start over on your own it just takes time and motivation, stay positive and you will live a happy, fulfilling life without your husband holding you back.
He hit you. You need to leave. Don’t consider having children with him. Don’t think it’s going to get better. Leave now and consider yourself lucky that nothing worse happened. You’ll be all the wiser next time around.
You weren’t specific about the information he kept from you, but the physical violence is a sign that you probably need to move on.
The logistics of leaving are easy… find a new home… save your money… and go. It may sound a little strange, but treat it like moving away from your parents home for the first time. What kinds of things would you do to get ready for the move?
Read-up on divorce laws in your state. I handled my own, and there was a child involved. Keep it amicable the best you can, because contested divorces (and property settlements) can take a long time to resolve.
It sounds like the work you really need to do is emotional. At age 38, I can tell you that wasting time and putting it off will leave regrets down the road. Don’t waste precious years of your life in limbo.
If you want to stay, consider counseling. If you want to leave, GET MOVING.
Good luck to you. I know it’s hard, but dig deep and make a decision.
If he and his ex split up, which the obviously have, then wouldn’t it make sense that he would be hesitant about having another child? At least he’s involved with that child. It’s not right that he lied to you. But sometimes, people lie because they are afraid. It sounds like he may have lied to you because he was afraid of exactly what happened happening. You say that you’ve stood by him, yet you plan on leaving. You are mad at him for meeting his child? You may have been there, but you haven’t BEEN there for him. Being there, and nagging him, harassing him, belittling him are not the same as being supportive, compassionate, understanding, forgiving. It sounds as if you both have a lot of growing up to do. Nothing is going to get better until you stop holding his past against him. If you feel shut down, then maybe you should seek counseling to help you deal with your emotions, or rather, then lack of them. I can only hope that you two can figure out something that will work for you both.
you can do it you don’t need a man to make you complete. any abuse it not acceptable. most people do the "impossible" when they are scare. fear gives people courage
As one who has done it (and had to leave my children behind because he and crooked laws took them even though I was in school and working too, and he wasn’t), you just do it. I had to live in my car at times, but I got through it and got my degree. Get some courage somewhere girl. You need it.