How do I prevent an N from worming her way back into my life?
She is using my weak spot, Nicky my guinea pig. She has vegetables for him. She’s never visited before and now that I am breaking free, she wants to come over. I wrote her thank you, but we have veggies here. I won’t call her because she is soooo very good and sweet and caring when her husband is there and can hear her and I come off looking like the bad guy.
She doesn’t like e-mail because if she goes off, there’s proof in black and white. She ignored me while I was in a crisis and she knew it. Grew cold and contemptuous to me. Upon reading N literature, I had a refresher course. Why did I not see all the red flags? But once I realized she was an N, I had flashbacks of stuff she did or said that was like an N slide show. I actually lied, told her my husband was on his way back from another state, so she wouldn’t come over here. Now I feel guilty about that and how I’m down on her level. Don’t want to get her angry, just don’t want contact any more.
Advice please! – Bunny
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Tagged with: e mail • flashbacks • guinea pig • literature • proof • red flags • refresher course • Slide Show • vegetables • weak spot
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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Tell her directly and privately that you no longer wish to have a relationship with her and enumerate the reasons. Don’t worry if others who do not see through her outward facade don’t understand your rationale-stand your ground and be honest and direct with her. Don’t allow her responses (which will likely be twisted distortions of what you said or defensive comments designed to avoid assuming any accountability for her behavior) throw you off track and avoid any debate over the "motivation" for her behavior. Remember that when she argues that she didn’t mean things the way you’re taking them that it doesn’t matter what her "intent" was, the effect still remains distressing to you and that is why you need to end the relationship. Narcissists are good at projecting blame, so don’t allow her to make you doubt your decision. You and only you know how you feel and what is and isn’t healthy for you. Be direct-not so much for her benefit as it is unlikely to change her-but rather for your own sake as it allows you to be consistent with your own values and not be dragged down to her level. Good Luck!
maybe i don’t get it but what is an N
N=Narcissistic????
whats an N? negative?
Exactly what are you talking about???