How do you overcome jealousy of your fiance's ex-wife?
They were married twice. She cheated all the time. He took her back all the time. He finally left for good about 4 years ago, but still took care of her emotionally and financially until about 3 months before we met, which was October 2004. We are engaged to be married 10/14/06. They have 3 kids. She calls asking for favors all the time, i.e. can I borrow your truck to move some stuff, got some materials I need for my biology class, etc. I see red when she calls. My fiance says I am insecure and he has no desire to have any type of rel’ship other than co-parent. Yet he also says it is the right thing to do, ie. be nice to all people even those who have done you wrong. I am so jealous of their past. This (me?) is ruining my happiness with the best man I’ve ever known and I need to know how to get over this. Thanks for any advice. Oh, I believe I am jealous of her looks. She’s thinner than me, longer hair. I am very successful, grounded, faithful, kind. She puts self 1st.
Related Information:
Tagged with: best man • biology class • Desire • Ex Wife • fiance • happiness • jealousy
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
I agree with a lot of what was already said but hopefully I can shed somemore insight or add something else. Sadly, when two people have children that confirms that they will always be connected in some way. You can’t eliminate her, even though I know you’d like to. You deserve a chance at true and lasting happiness and you should get it. Don’t let insecurities and jealousy stand in the way. Try imagining things from his side too… she cheated on him. HIM. Repeatedly. Imagine how he got through that? Do you think there is any chance he would cheat on you now, because of that? If you honestly can’t get over the fact that she’s involved in what will be your life together, maybe you have your answer. That’s really tough too cause you have already planned out your future with this man. You have goals and dreams set. Not to mention probably some attatchment to the children. But if you can’t shake how something makes you feel and it’s in a bad way, you need to step away to see what is right in front of you.
I agree that you may want to seek premarital counceling or at least some self counceling without him to see if you can get more help getting past this. I can only imagine that it stems from self insecurity on a larger level and you really need to work on yourself before you take on a marriage.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you… I know that you probably thought that everything was gonna be great! Things will get easier..better…it’s all worth it.
All jealousy stems from our own insecurities. In order to overcome your jealousies, you have to be more secure in yourself and your relationship with this man. He is always going to have a "relationship" with this other woman – they have 3 kids together. If you can’t deal with this simple fact, get out now!
But it sounds as if he is a good guy and that it would be a mistake to do so. She may be "thinner than you" and have "longer hair", but she is NOT the one your man wants – its YOU, the kinder, more faithful, grounded of the two!!! Have faith in yourself and your man – all will work out ok!
Well first of all it is better for every one involved and you can atleast act civil when in her presence. You need to realize that when marrying him you are marrying in to his whole life which involves his past. You are doing nobody any favors by playing the jealous new wife. Another point is the quickest way to make enemies of your soon to be stepchildren is to hate/insult/not tolerate their mother. You fiance has taken the mature approach and realized that just because they didn’t work out that women is still the mother of his children. If you are as insecure as you say then you need to take a long look at your potential marriage because the ex wife and kids aren’t going anywhere. You need to be honest with yourself and evaluate whether you can handle all the baggage that comes with your potential marriage. This man obviously loves you or you wouldn’t be engaged. Give him the benefit of the doubt and as harsh as this sounds grow up. If he wanted to be with her he would be. If you can’t get past the friendly relationship that they have then you really need to rethink this marriage and maybe look in to finding someone who doesn’t come with so much baggage. Realizing that the problem is yours is half the battle but just remember things are not going to change from the way they are right now. If anything things will get worse. Take a look inside yourself and figure out if you can deal. If not get out and don’t subject yourself to a life that is only going to feed on your insecurities.
boy what a long question and it seems you know the answetr yourself
You may be a bit insecure but he needs to realize that it’s over with them. Sure they can remain friends but he needs to know what too much is. Just make sure, her stuff isn’t getting in the way of you two. Like, I let her use the car so we can’t go to the movies like we wanted to or I’m going to her house to visit. So, not cool
My advice to you is to get pre-marital counciling. While the other girls are right about his children and ex-wife not going anywhere, I think that it is understandable and normal to be jealous. Him and his ex-wife share something, and you want to be rid of her because of all of the pain that she brought to your fiance. I think that is understandable. You two (Fiance) need to talk through your feelings, he can’t just pass your insecurities and tell you to get over them, you need to work as a team to enlighten eachother on how to deal with the issue that affects both of you.
Another reason that you might be jealous is not necessarily a self esteem issue, but deals with the feeling that she is still important to him. In your mind, if she is still important, you are not number one, which leads you to believe she is still competition.
Whatever you feel, don’t put yourself down about it. Talk to your fiance, he is there to support you, like you for him. You two are the ones that need to find a solution, not the silly people on this board.
Whatever you do, get pre-marital couciling. Sounds like he could have used it before, and it wouldn’t hurt you now, it would only help.
sounds like you are a much better person than she is in the inside, look if your fiance is the man you love so much then he wouldn’t cheat on you or leave you for his ex-wife maybe you should talk to him let him know exactly how you feel and why you feel that way, about the jealousy thing don’t worry personality is way more important than looks
One thing you have to realize is that they have three kids she is going to be in your life whether you like it or not. You need to determine know if you can put up with her being there. You are getting married in four months so you need to decide if you can deal with it mature manner. If you don’t think you can deal with it it is probably best to get out know because this is going to be a bone of contention in your marriage which could possibly lead to divorce. They have a past you are going to have to come to terms with it if you want to be with this guy. It has been almost two years and you still can’t go over it. Is this how you want to live your life?
You need to deal with your insecurities and realize that if he wanted to be with her he’d be with her right now instead of marrying you.