if your boyfriend has a daughter w/his ex wife…?
and he wont tell her about you, who are now his new girl friend of 6 months because he’s afraid she’ll get psycho on him and not let him see his daughter who is only 5. How long can one let this go one before it becomes an issue? I cannot meet his daughter so when she’s over at his house after school sometimes during the week or home on the holidays i can’t be around. I know a child is the most precious thing but is it fair that one has such huge limitations and boundaries in a relationship? I wish we could all spend that time together but with the ex and the child not even knowing I exist I feel overwhelmed sometimes. No, I dont think he’s hiding me because he has hope he’s going to get back with his ex. I truly belive it’s all about his daughter. Please note, this is a serious question. So if you young kids could refrain from answering it would be nice as you probably will not be able to relate. I do hope there are grown ups that read this because I need unbiased opinions. Thanks!
Related Information:
Tagged with: Boundaries • Ex Wife • girl friend • holidays • home on the holidays • New Girl Friend • precious thing • psycho • relationship • ups • young kids
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
I am an "ex" and we have a son together. We agreed to wait to introduce a gf or bf until at minimum 6 months. That’s for him, I will wait until I know my bf will be a permanent part of my life.
My ex has used ME as an excuse (I don’t mind) to NOT introduce our son…saying I’m a total b*&^ch and won’t allow it!! Not true, I have just asked him to be careful and consider our son before introducing his gf…he has a history of only dating women for two years and then ending it. Something I would rather our son didn’t watch over his lifetime…but I can only ask him and discuss these things with him, but as long as he doesn’t put our son in danger, he is free to do what he wants when it is their time together.
Well, just thought I’d give you another perspective!!
His ex cannot keep his daughter away from him unless he does dangerous things around her. Tell him you would like to spend time with his daughter and if his ex tries anything, he can go to court and fight it. If he is not doing anything dangerous, he will win.
I’ve dated men before who had exwives (and I’m 21)so I know how complicated that can be,give him 6 more months if theres no changes address the problem head on.Because if his ex just dosen’t wanna move on she needs to be addressed as well that the marriage is over and to move on.He can EASILY go to court if she withholds the child just because she’s jealous!
Hope that helped
Child come first. If this is what he needs to do right now to be able to see his daughter, then you need to respect that no matter how much it hurts you.
You have to decide whether or not this relationship is worth it for you to go through this.
Eventually, he will have to talk to his ex about you. But, give it time. Try talking to him about it. Maybe he can set up a time where you can meet his ex so that she can get to know you and find out that your not a threat to her child.
If you think that he’s worth it, then give it time. At least you know that you’re with a good man who cares for his child and wants to continue being a big part of her life even though he’s not with her mother. Those men are rare.
Tough call. Please try and be patient. She is only five and really needs her Daddy. I feel bad for your bf to be stuck in such a spot. Suggest he try and sound her out about having a girlfriend. Like wouldn’t it be nice if Daddy had a special friend. Also as an ex-wife and parent to children from divorce I truly believe that he has an obligation to spend one on one time with his daughter. That means leaving you out sometimes
ok,i’m 46 and i think maybe he needs to speak to a lawyer usually 1st consultation is free then when in family court they wil appoint a free lawyer.you both cannot live like this it’s not fair to anyone including the child.are both of u going to live like this til shes 18?have him speak to a attorney. good luck to both of you. happy holidays
I would end this before you get in too deep.
If you can’t meet his daughter, and you’ve invested six months into this relationship, a limit has already be placed on it. Neither of you has any control over his ex going psycho. If he has this attitude about he meeting you now, it will only get worse as she gets older. Will he continue to insist that you not meet? How can you possibly consider a long term relationship with this issue hanging over your heads? And, do you want to get involved with someone who is guaranteed to have drama in his life, over and above the usual things that life brings?
I married a man with two daughters who were 14 and 16 when we married. We had a lot of things working in our favor, namely the fact that they lived 1500 miles away. We’ve moved back to his home state, and things are cool. But…we’re done paying child support; the girls have their own lives; the ex can’t do anything but be pissed that we’re so happy. This will not be the case for you.
If you’ve had a good heart-to-heart with him and have explained how you feel, then the decision is yours. He’s made it clear how he feels and what his priorties are. You can respect the decision he’s made, but you don’t have to be a part of it. I would probably move on.
My ex-husband lied to me but that was mainly because we had an arrangement not to expose our daughter to someone that we were dating until it became serious and he had become serious with this girl fairly quick and I guess refrained from telling me because he was still trying to keep me on the side. I didn’t mind that he was serious with someone so much as his lying to me about it and I assumed that it couldn’t be that serious if he’s trying to cheat on her with me (although we were married and he cheated on me so perhaps this is serious for him…lol..) Is the ex really going to go crazy if she finds out that he u as a gf? That’s pretty lame and immature but I think he should be honest about it to her too. Perhaps he doesn’t want you and his daughter to meet yet because it is too soon and if that’s the case you should respect that. If he’s serious about you he should tell the ex but if he’s not ready yet, the daughter doesn’t have to know and I’m sure though it will only be a matter of time until he does allow you to meet. Just give him some time 6 months isn’t that long and what matters most right now is the wellbeing of that lil girl. Good luck to you and I would suggest talking to him about being more mature and telling his ex because one of them needs to be mature in this and it sounds ridiculous to sit around hiding it bc if she finds out on her own, she’s probably going to be a lot more pissed. Take care:)
A couple things could be going on. One is that your boyfriend might be afraid that his daughter will get attached to you and then you and he will break up and his daughter will be hurt. Second, is there anything about you that could be a problem such as a criminal record or sustance use/abuse? That’s the only situation where I could imagine his ex having any legal right to have any say over who he dates. I think you should have a talk with your boyfriend and tell him how this makes you feel. Also ask him why he thinks his ex will "go psycho" if she finds out about you. Is she still carrying a torch for him or is she so angry with him that she can’t stand the idea of him being happy? In either case she’d have a hard time getting a judge to agree with her about denying visitation. Good luck to you.
My husband has a 12 year old son. I met my husband 6 months after the baby was born. My husband would pickup his child for visitation and bring him to our home for the weekend, the ex had no idea because he was a baby and couldn’t be grilled for information. After she found out that he had moved on and was not going to marry her she went ballistic. She wouldn’t let my husband take the baby. If he wanted visitation he haad to go to her house. Everytime she saw him she would try to sleep with him or ask him for money. Neither of which he wanted anything to do with. So he stopped visitation. I know that’s not what you’re looking for in this situation.
With the holidays upon us I think it’s hte perfect time for your boyfriend to introduce you to his daughter. Even if he uses the dreadful "friend" tagline, at least it’s progress. Does the ex know that he has moved into a relationship? Good luck. Getting invloved with men who have children with other women is so difficult. They really do think they own these men and hold them by the nuts. It’s unfortunate because it’s the children that suffer.
Suggest to your boyfriend that the three of you go see a family movie the next time he gets visitation. It’s not one on one and there are cute movies out now. P.S. it’s been 12 yeras and the ex has loosened up a bit but she’s still a raging lunatic. We’re married with 2 almost three children now.
First of all you need to consider if you really want the relationship. I mean really what kind of female is she to keep a child from seeing her father because he has a gf. That is really immature. How long can it go on? As long as he wants it to. You need to talk with him and explain how this affects you. Give him some suggestions and put some things in his ear and maybe he can decide on something to do. If he wants to leave things the way they are then maybe he is not so serious therefore he does not think of it as that big of an issue. I understand him wanting to do whatever it takes to see his daughter, but a MAN would not let someone have such a hold on him if there is nothing there other than the daughter. The courts can give him every bit of visitations with the mother knowing about you and all. I am not telling you to intefere with this situation. Remember to stay in your place and speak to your man and dont be upset if he does not want you to meet his daughter because that takes time, but atleast the child’s mother could know he is dating. That has absolutely nothing to do with her.
he should be completly honest with her.
kids at that age are more excepting, if he wants you to have any sort of relationship with her then now is the best time for you two to meet.
i understand he probably thinks hes sheltering her feelings, but hiding things from her is wrong and it will hurt her more.
anyway the truth will have to come out at sometime so why not now by him before somone els tells them then thing could be a lot worse.
my partner has a 14 year old son with his ex wife,the wife hates me and tries to turn the son against us but because we were completly honest with him from the begining he understands and is happy about it.
The longer you leave it the worse it will get (and for your relationship too)
If he doesn’t have one he needs to get court documented visitation rights. This will mandate when he sees his daughter. Then even if she has a problem with you she can not withhold his daughter from him because he will have a court order and it doesn’t matter who he has around his daughter during the time she is with him. Mom has no say so during his time (unless of course he was taking the daughter around someone who could harm her).
If he doesn’t want to do this, it does sound like he is trying to keep things kosher with his ex for other reasons then just seeing his daughter. Maybe they are still seeing each other on the side???
I had a friend who never introduced any guy she was seeing to her sons until she was engaged to be married. She felt that before such a time it was not right to have her sons meet one person then two days later another. When she and you now husband were ready to commit to each other that’s when it was time.
Maybe the bf doesn’t want to say not until i know i want to spent the rest of my life with you.
first of all, when people become seperated it is normal for them to date others. it doesn’t make sense that she could take the daughter away simply for dating. there is probably another reason. is he still involved with his ex wife? is he not ready to introduce his daughter to another women? perhaps he does not want his daugther to get attached to you and then you break up? is the x simply jealous and will make life difficult for him?
at six monthes you have a lot of time invested in this relationship. perhaps its time to think about where this is headed. can you continue to hide from the daughter… I doubt it. it’s not fair to you and is obviously hurting you. your bf should see this and want to do something about it, if he is serious about you.
also, it is important for you to spend time with the daughter IF you are going to be in the fathers life for the long run. I think it’s time you had a talk and see what he wants out of this relationship with you. if he is looking for something more serious then it is time for you to meet the daugther and you may have to force the issue with him.
Well…
I am in a situation that will probably blow all of you away. I am the girlfriend to a wonderful man of 10yrs. Yes! I am engaged but not married yet.
My bf has a son and a daughther with his ex-wife. Keep in mind that his ex-wife and him were appart about 17 yrs ago. Therefore I had nothing to do with them and their seperation.
When I got to know my bf, his son was living with him, so it was fortunate for me to get to know his kid. Great kid!! His child who is now 20 yrs old and moved on with his life, adores me to death.
His daugther has been with his ex-wife, inwhich I have seen once since I have been with him. My bf visited them twice if that, considering his ex-wife made it difficult for him to see her because I came into the picture.
Even today as I am typing this now…I am still called a B*t*h and I am trash who will never get involved with their daughter, even though their daugther is 16 yrs old and she has me on her facebook and we talked a handful of times – more then her own father. The ex-wife is not aware of it.
I had a hard time when it came to his daugther cause when he did go to visit I had to stay home. I was upset but I thought of the child. Now till this day his daughter was suppose to come down march break 2010, and because I live with him and have a child with him now who is 2yrs old, his ex-wife decided all of a sudden that their daughter was not coming because of me. Why? I don\’t know!
Therefore for me, it is a constant battle, but I love him dearly and I am not going to have her disrupt my life that she left almost two decades ago.
So, my point is in all this is that if you feel that your man is worth it, and if his ex is a true b*t*h, then your in it for the long hull, but be strong cause in the end, you will win cause you stayed out of it and eventually the kid will want to see why daddy is so happy with you like his kids are with me. In my case, his daughter is starting to ask questions and is wanting to come see us and the new baby.
The ex-wife after leaving him might I add, is now mind struck cause she can\’t beleive that we have been together longer than their marriage. So now she is trying to get under my skin to make me weak, because she wants him back, and that is the words that came out of their son, who infact thinks his own mother is sick mentally (on pills)and her own son has defended me againest her. She is ruining it for herself and I am not lifting a finger.
Now that is what you call sticking with it, and damn well taking it till the end. 10 yrs of battle and 2 more years till the daughter is 18 and then no more control of the ex-wife….kiss bye bye B+tch.
I hope this helps
THE OTHER WOMAN