How would you react if your husband talked about his ex-wife like this in front of you (to his son)?
I have just met my husbands son (aged 25) for the first time, as he lives abroad and is visiting us on holiday.
While we were out with a group of friends he started talking to his son about his ex-wife (son’s mother) saying he hoped the son realises why he divorced the mother, and said part of it was that she only wanted sex every few months and then it had to be quick, and that he hoped she has changed and that she finds someone else (they have been divorced 4 years) – we have been married two years. The son told him it’s his life and that he shouldnt look back. (wise advise) Hubby said you need to look back to understand what went wrong. It made me feel strange he was talking like this to his son with me within earshot. I heard everything, but pretended I didnt. I am now uncomfortable that he is regretting leaving his ex and trying to get news about her from the son, seeing if she has changed, if she’s seeing anyone, etc….. What do you think – how should I handle this?
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Tagged with: Earshot • Ex Wife • hubby • Husband Wife • realises • Sex 101 • Son Mother
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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My perception is his Son is finally at an age where your Husband feels comfortable enough to let him know the jest of why things didn’t work out with his Mom… and to express that he wishes her (His Ex Wife) no ill will…
I don’t think he is regretting that the marriage ended, but more so may have felt over the years that his Son had received incorrect information from his Mother as to why the marriage ended.
It doesn’t seem from what you’ve said that they have kept in close contact (Your Hubby and his Ex) and to me… again… it seems that your Husband was looking for some understanding from his Son in letting him know there are 2 sides to every story….Not something you can (or should do) when your Children are little… his Son is now an adult and the Father/Son relationship has matured.
If nothing else… my guess is his Son probably felt a little more uncomfortable hearing this from his Dad then you did in over-hearing it.
Tell him strait out that you don’t appreciate him having conversations with anyone about his past [EX]. Tell him that the past is the past, and he doesn’t need to be bringing up old shit anymore. Good luck!
If he said it within earshot, I imagine he wasn’t hiding anything from you. But it is possible that he cares for her without the romantic feelings attached and just wants the best for her. I’ve seen this happens between divorced couples; they care for each other w/o the sexual feelings.
Maybe you should have a heart-to-heart with him…
With the way you have phrased it here, it doesn’t seem like he is regretting his choice, just concerned for her. He apparently was with her for a long time and she is the mother of his son, so he will always care about her. What’s more, as his current wife you might try to feel relieved that he doesn’t feel nothing towards her, it shows that even after a divorce he still cares about what happens to her – which means that he is loyal and not cold. It is somewhat awkward that he was talking to his son about sex with his mother, but the son is an adult so I guess that’s okay… Anyway, he chose to end that relationship and no matter how much he might care or worry about her, he made that decision and chose you, so try not to worry.
He never said he regretted leaving his ex…or asked for info on her. You are being jealous and paranoid. She exists, they were married, why wouldn’t he want her to find somebody? He found you, right? You are looking for something that was not there.
he could just be curious. maybe even just to see if his life is better than his exwifes. maybe an ego booster. talk to your husband to see if he does have feelings for his exwife and also ask him if he ever heard that she has changed her ways and was a good person would he ever go back to her. just be blunt with him, if he’s a good man he’ll be honest even if its at the cost of hurting your feelings. also you might think that he feels like the only thing he can talk to his son about is his mother. maybe he doesnt feel like there’s more to talk about and that his exwife is a common ground. or maybe he wanted to talk about his mom to make his son feel more comfortable about him having a new wife. i wouldnt assume the worst but i would defiantly talk to him about it
I think you are acting like you are very insecure with your marriage. A marriage is two people and when it ends it is 50% his fault and 50% her fault. I feel bad for the son. It was not very mature of his Father to do that to him. I think the son handled it in a very mature way. Because you only see the son once in a while and the ex lives far away, I would just let this go in one ear and out the other. However, I would let your husband know that you felt he was wrong in saying what he did to his son about his mother. That you felt he was being very unfair to his son. The son loves his Mother and his Dad needs to remember that.
Not everything is about you! This is clearly not about you and it was clearly something that he and his son needed to talk about. Your husband was simply trying to impart some wisdom to his child and perhaps seeking some type of forgiveness from him at the same time.
IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. STOP FEELING INSECURE.
I honestly don’t think it’s appropriate for your husband to be talking to his son about the sex life he had with his mother. I’m not a prude at all, have always been open with my now grown children about sex, but my sex life with their father (my ex) is off limits. You don’t have to handle it, it’s done. Me, I would have told my husband how inappropriate it was. In the meantime I talk to my children about their father (we’ve been divorced for 23 years), and my husband talks to his children, in my presence, about their mother. Both my ex and his ex are still a part of the kids’ lives and it’s nothing to feel uncomfortable about.