My wife had an emotional affair she is still in love with him we been back together for 3months now and she?
doesnt seem to be gettinh any better i am sticking by her cause i love her so dam much and she is sticking by me aswell and she has been totally honest to me i dont know what to do let her go to be with him or try and fix our marrige up the problem is this guy she loves is 26years old and she is 46 not that age matters but he was a family friend to us for 8years and he knew my wife was going through menopause and she was so vunable at the time and he took advange of this and i am dam angry if i see him i rip him apart for what hes done to my family and now she still has deep feelings for him how long does it take for her to get her love back for me we been together for 30years and its worth saveing she agress but her heart is over ruling her head please help you guys i am a husband that loves this woman to death if i have to let her go i will but i want to try and avoid that and is it best to move from where we live and start fresh i know if she goes she make a big mistake in her life
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Tagged with: age matters • big mistake • deep feelings • emotional affair • family friend • heart • love • marrige • menopause • saveing
Filed under: How To Get Him Back
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fight for your wife dont let some other man have your 30 years worth of work. that guy is only 26 and she is 46. those feelings she has for him are just lust feelings and she is confussed and mixed up. dont let him brake up your marriage he was not there when your wife was going through whatever she was you were there. no dont rip him up it would just be another enjoyable challenge for him. focus more on your wife and be a good husband to her. i tell you adventually that 26 year old guy is going to mess up and your wife is going to finally see that is was not worth it. maybe that man does things to your wife that you dont do and that is what she likes. it is just lust believe me and she is your wife not his. dont let her go, after that man show her the real him she will snap out of that "love" spell she thinks she is in. good look and hold on!
First, I don’t think he is worth a fight and possibly getting in trouble with the law. Second, if your wife is still in love with him then you need to leave. Once a person is out of love, there is nothing to make them stay and happy. No matter how long of time you give her, if its done, its done. Move on with your life. She doesn’t deserve you.
Hun menopause and mid life crisis are an excuse.
and she knows that…come on..and i think you do to..im 42 going on 43 and not even close to menopause yet and i know better
if it were me i would sit with him face to face…tell him look i love my wife very much..we have 30 years together… i been through it all and now it is time for you to leave us alone..I would has him WHY he is doing this to your family??
I would also tell your wife how much you love her over and over again..spice up the marriage..take her on a vacation and romance her to piecesssss…act 21 again with her…
she needs to be shown you are better then him…
and your right age does not matter…Im in an age gap relationship however SHE is YOUR wife NOT his.
but if it were me I would tell him look we need to talk..
Speaking as a couples therapist, affairs are merely a symptom of something else. What is the meaning of the affair? What needs is she getting met by this other man? What does she like about him? Discussing these issues openly and honestly will help get the ball rolling. It is not easy, and it will hurt, but this needs to occur first for any potential reconciliation.
The question is: Can you two communicate rationally and negotiate your needs? If so, then there is hope. Couples therapy is always an option, too.
Hang in there!
More free relationship advice from a couples therapist:
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com
Moving is a good idea. Cut your ties with this homewrecker. You could take up new pursuits and make it a great adventure together.
She can get over this man by not entertaining thoughts of him in her head. She should realize that he was a person who had bad motives and he won’t change either. He will always be a man who tries to seduce another man’s wife.
Hang it there and she will come to value your love more than ever.
I guess you could say that I had an emotional affair. I had a colleague that lived literally across the country. One day, we started talking about non-work related topics and it made me feel good to have someone actually listen to what I had to say for a change. My husband loved me (and still does) but he was going through some of his own issues at the time and became very introverted and inattentive. I guess at that point, I was starved for attention. This co-worker and I ended up talking on the phone all the time. My husband knew and after a point became a little irritated. We eventually stopped our conversations and everything is fine. I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe you need to find out why all of this is going on and see if you can fix it. Maybe she was just feeling left out and lonely. Can’t hurt to sit down and really lay it all out on the table.
I remember the last time you had ask me a question my answer was to seek the aid of a Professional Phychiatries so he can analyze your problem more intensively. Your problem had affected your marriage so deeply already.
Now she still has deep feelings for him .
In the situation that she is in, it is natural for her and to anyone for that matter to feel the same way she felt. The happenings is still fresh in her memory. She still has deep feelings for him. There is nothing wrong for this as long as she prevent her self from having sexual contact with him again.
Try to understand her. She is not like a radio wherein if you would like to listen to the music you just turn it on then instantly it give you a sound and if you want it silent then turn if off then it stop in just a second.. Sorry human is not like that. She need time to heal from those memories that hurt her marriage or your marriage.
how long does it take for her to get her love back for me?.
As in your present situation can you not see the love she had for you ? I suggest that you open and see from the eyes of your heart. All this effort she had put to prepare what she did with your marriage is already a very great sign of her love for you. So be with her give her your unmeasurable understanding for effort she put into the present situation in order that your marriage can stand again. Stop finding faults. Stop your negative feeling. It is a very good killer to all the initiative in the reconstructing of your marriage. Start contributing something that can make it easy in the rebuilding of your ruin marriage.
Remember that your marriage is ruined already so that you can always find many distasteful to your eyes.
Be thankful that she is honest with you.
Each individual has different time of healing. This is the very reason why i suggested to you two to find a church so that the church community can also help you and your wife, your marriage in healing the wounds from the memories of the trials that shook your marriage.
As I said to you before it is better to let God be a part in solving your problems. Remember that there is nothing impossible for Him that He would not do if you would just ask Him.
God loves you
God bless
To me emotional affairs are worse than physical affairs.
The wounds are deeper.
She was honest with you though…?
That counts for something, i am sure she loves you.
You need to change something in your lifes. Find that spark for her again.
You have had 30 years of marriage. That my friend is worth fighting for. That of course if she regrets it. IF she could take away those feelings. AND if you FORGIVE her.
I myself am not as strong as you, i would leave her.
But is seems you have determination to make it work.
If you are willing to move, that mite work. Better yet, the dreaded word, seek proffesional help.
I wish you the best, in whatever you choose to do
The best thing for her to do if she is committed to saving your marriage is to end ALL contact with this young man. Withdraw herself from the fantasy completely. She may miss the way the ‘affair’ made her feel more than the other man. Continuing any contact, ‘friendship’ just delays the withdrawal from this fog filled state.
Look into counseling, it may take trying more than one counselor to find a good one.
Most likely, there is no future for her with this young man. Even if they did get together, the odds are against it working out. The affair didn’t have to deal with any ‘real life’ issues, it existed in a responsibility free state, no bills to pay, no household to deal with etc. Once she gets past missing the fantasy, she will start to see the whole thing more clearly.
Moving will not solve the problem, but it may help you deal with some emotional triggers if the other man is in area. Some people remove furniture, redecorate houses, get ride of cars, etc… because they were apart of the affair and trigger emotional responses, especially for the betrayed spouse!
Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/
A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/
Some marriage weekend programs:
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html
My wife recently cheated on me as well. She said it was unemotional, but she had sex with him on more than one occasion. I think it’s emotional and she’s just afraid she’ll hurt me. I say this because, She is at her parents where he is at. She was visiting there. He lives in the area. I taked her into coming home, but she sounds so unsure. She says she is but without confidence. I can’t sleep, I’m angry and I don’t know what to do. I’m on all these sites just looking for answers. She’ll be leaving in 4 days to come home. I just keep thinknig someone is going to change her mind. I know it’s possible for a woman to love more than one man, I just think she might love him more. Life sucks…