How can I improve this letter to the man my wife is having an affair with?
I know that you are having an affair with my wife XXXXX. I love her very much and I want to save my marriage and keep my family together. Your relationship with XXXXX is NOT okay. This affair is coming in between us and making it impossible to heal our marriage. Please respect our marriage and end all contact with XXXXX immediately and forever.
If you so much as make any contact with XXXXX, either directly or indirectly, or if XXXXX even finds out about this e-mail, I will not only get LOUD about the affair, I will take LEGAL ACTION against you for alienation of affection. By-the-by (Note: by-the-by is a jab at "the other guy", who uses this phrase all the time) XXXXX does talk to me about everything, no matter how private the information, or how secretive you would ask her to be. Even if she tries to hide something, I can read her like a book. I’ve only been with her every day for almost 10 years.
If you contact her, I will know about it. Period. I already know stuff that you spoke with her about, as well as many of the things that you had discussed with her or did with her when she was at your house last Wednesday. I’m also aware of your dinner at XXXXXXX XXXXXX, and many details of your e-mail exchanges that she forwarded to me. I know of the secrets you shared with her about your mental condition, and XXXXX came to me crying when she told me about your time with her last Wednesday, and she has many times since said she is having doubts about our separation. For such a smart guy with a heart that is so susceptible and vulnerable to prolonged periods of agonizing darkness, you sure didn’t think.
If you now think you can pass a note to her under the table and expect her to keep a secret & not tell me, go ahead and throw the dice. It’s not just the XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX I can contact. I can also contact the director of the XXXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX (his father), her family, your co-workers, etc… I’ll put a big huge spotlight on it, and my family & hers will treat it like a regular intervention.
If she decides to quit her job in order to avoid humiliation, that will be on your head, along with everything else.
If I go public, my claims and evidence will validate an already-existing rumor mill, and it will make things very uncomfortable for you both.
Just stop. Cold turkey. There is no reason for this to get any uglier for either of you. I care about Sarah, and she has a lot to lose, but I have a lot to gain and little to lose if this doesn’t end right here, right now, and forever.
I gave ten years of my young adult life to this marriage; I will make it my life’s mission to save it.
As to why I would want to be with my wife still:
Because she is the mother of my son, I love her, and even if she isn’t committed, I am. I DO have my limits, but they have not been reached yet. I am a very patient and forgiving person.
I am aware of the law in my state, and have read the compiled statutes. This is not blackmail, intimidation, or harassment. I do speak with my wife about it. She is in the fog of a new/exciting relationship and won’t end it herself. She also doesn’t think I will go as far as I will to make it end, and I’m not going to tell her if I don’t have to. My best course of action is to untangle them inconspicuously.
I’ve done much research before deciding this course of action. I just need to know if the letter is ok. Please and thank you.
Please… enough with the middle-brow advice and the suggestions that I divorce my wife. I AM being a MAN; a MAN doesn’t pack up and leave when stuff goes south. I’m not a coward; I’m not afraid that this will happen again. I am aware of the problems in my marriage, I am working toward making improvements in my life and in our relationship… I don’t need advice in that category, thank you.
Confronting the OTHER man face-to-face will not make me any more of a man than will sending him a letter. I feel my words are strong enough; meeting him face-to-face will only be seen as a threat and may end up with me being arrested. I have thought, researched, pondered, meditated, and considered WHAT I REALLY WANT, and HOW TO GO ABOUT GETTING IT. Once again, I am just asking for feedback on the letter.
Actually, she HAS forwarded me emails from him.
Here is some information for those curious about why I’m even bothering doing what I plan on doing:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-Your-Spouse-Caught-Up-in-an-Affair?–Stop-it-Now!&id=1869007
http://www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com/getinformed/articles/endingaffair.html
I don’t live in California. I live in Illinois.
Related Information:
Tagged with: 10 years • affection • Alienation • alienation of affection • amp • co workers • darkness • doubts • e mail • having an affair • heart • jab • love • mail exchanges • marriage • Phrase • prolonged periods • relationship • smart guy • spotlight • xxxxx • xxxxxx
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Great letter, I say send it as is. I hope everything works out for you and your wife, and that you heal your marriage. It’s gonna be tough.
it’s from YOUR heart make it your own you don’t need us. Good luck
You forgot to XXXX her name out at the end.. But anyways..Thats good.. I like it. But my question is, Why would you be with your wife after she’s doing this?
I think you should talk to your wife she is cheating too hello the other guy is just the other guy!!
Shouldn’t you be talking to your wife about this? This is something you need to work out with her. The letter sounds somewhat threatening and comtains stuff that the police may consider blackmail.
Forget the letter….Petition for divorce and find someone who will love you. The other alternative is maybe to sit back and ask yourself as to why your wife is having an affair?…What is she missing in your relationship?…What are you not doing to cause her to find comfort in another man’s bed…If you believe that you have done all you can….Like I said…Petition for Divorce…
Remember it takes two to tango…… It takes two to make a marriage and one to break it…
I think your letter is great. He sounds like a pretty important guy with a reputation to uphold, so I think your threats were very warranted and necessary.
I hope your wife agrees to counseling. Good luck to you both. May God bless your efforts to save your marriage!
Wow.. That is to the point. You love her very much. I just hope that she is worth it.
I think you are wasting your time. This letter is not necessary if your woman cuts off all contact with this man. If she isn’t willing to do that, then SHE is the problem, not him. Sure, he’s a total jerk for trying to be with a woman who is already taken by another man, but it’s your wife who is the cheater and the one who needs to be on the chopping block. You are taking out your frustrations on the wrong person.
If you insist on focusing on him, then a letter is really lame. You should be a man and confront this jerk face to face.
As a long time married person myself there is one huge thing you have not addressed………….her joy in cruelty. She knows you know. She makes sure you know. She shows you her emails and such. This is a woman that likes creating turmoil and gets great satisfaction out of it. You sir are being played like a toy. I do hope you have no children because, mark my words this will not be the last time she will do this. I have met many people with these same attributes in my line of work.
The only thing I have ever seen work is to tell her you will be pursuing someone that has more respect for their relationships and stop giving her the attention she craves…….which is your fighting for her.
There is an old saying
if you love something set it free
if it comes back it yours
set it free
pretty good, yes it is o.k.
now, you and her or at least you alone need to make an appt. to speak with a pastor, only Godly wisdom can change things around for good.
good therapy but don’t send it… you give him power when you do things like this…..
anyway, its your wife having the affair, your not married to this guy but your blaming him for the whole thing. your wife said for better or worse… and yes so did you… however, if you want to keep your wife listen up.
Stop being a doormat… she doesn’t respect you… she is carrying on because she can… once you put a stop to be a doormat and stand up for yourself, watch the change.
start being the guy she fell in love with… probably in shape… cared about his appearance…. had his own things to do sports… etc…. so get back in shape, play sports or join a team…. maybe even a cheaters support group…. let her have her affair, don’t bother here… she will suddenly wonder what is up…. see your changes and in a month or so be groveling for you to come home… but don’t rush… take your time.
if you do this…. I guarantee your wife will come back and end the affair but be firm…. flat out say you aren’t tolerating this and don’t call her.. only about the child.. leave all emotional upheaval be…
and… you don’t fool me… your reading her email, she isn’t telling you al this stuff… if you send this email to this guy he will show it to her and your wife will lose even more respect… it makes you look weak.
be strong and be that man you once were.. stop the insanity!
I think the letter would be best addressed to your wife. I know you said you have tried talking to her, but I don’t think you should start engaging the other person just because you think she isn’t hearing you. Honestly, I’m just glad you said "Sarah."
From a persuasive writing perspective alone–it is very effective.
Good luck.
I’m sorry mate but you have to end it NOW. Tell all his relations, bosses and anyone else that knows him. Then ask for a divorce on the grounds of adultery.
She obviously has no respect for you so get rid. It doesn’t matter what you feel just now she is a cheat and will do it again. You owe it to yourself. I’m not going to say what i would do to her but you need to let her know she isn’t getting away with this and remember everything is 50/50.
Good luck and its true what they say….. time is a great healer.
I think it sounds really good, and from the heart. It takes a real man to stand up and do what you are. I hope that the 2 of you are able to work it out. Good luck to you and your family. Now get him the letter quickly lol.
I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and admire your determination for doing all you can to save your marriage..
As harsh as it may sound, I think you and your wife need serious marriage counselling asap to try and save the marriage.
It really sounds like she is confused and being pressured both ways, as she still sees him yet you tells you (of course being her husband).
With the letter, it is good to get it out of your system (in writing) but I hate to sound negative as I have my doubts he will take notice it may even encourage him more as all the years you both have together and the fact you have a child mean absolutely nothing to this guy…he is in it for what he can get.
To meet him face to face, I am sure you would probably punch his lights out…so that would be a no go.
I think here, your wife needs to be firm and cease all contact herself and make him understand that she means it. Otherwise, this will just drag on and on as she will slip up again.
I honestly wish you all the best and hope it works out for you and the family.
God Bless
Throw away the letter. He will read the first line and throw it away. He may not ever say to her you wrote,but just don’t send it. If you want your wife back then you best be talking to her,not him
i love the way you are standing up and fighting for your wife, i wish my husband found for me
goodluck. she will be glad u did this
i understand what you are saying in the letter, and i understand what you want from him, you’re wife, life and marriage, but the fact of the matter is is that she cheated on you, and all vows that she made are null and void. I myself wouldn’t be able to trust her after such a betrayal, and i would be worried about not only my health, but the health of any children that i had with her.
i wish you good luck, but i don’t have a lot of faith in someone who would so blithely destroy a relationship of 10 years.
EVERY BODY BLAMES THE OTHER PERSON….
Kinda wordy.
The shorter the letter, the better. How about:
"Stop F****** my wife!"
In viewing your profile it appears that you live in CA? If so, you must not have researched the law too much. CA has abolished alienation of affection lawsuits, as have most states. Adultery is not a crime in CA and it is not grounds for divorce. You have no legal leg to stand on. However, your letter will give this man all the ammunition he needs to obtain a restraining order against you. And yes, if you follow through on any of these threats, you may very well find yourself facing harassment charges.
My impression of the letter – you sound immature, childish, and a little crazy. You can’t force your wife to be faithful, to love you, or care about your marriage.
I think all your letter will do is serve as entertainment for this man. I can assure you he knows you don’t think the affair is ok, and he doesn’t care (as obviously your wife doesn’t), I can also assure you that he doesn’t respect your marriage (as obviously your wife doesn’t) and you requesting that he do so will not make it happen, and so on and so forth.
My advice – throw it away. And then deal *with your wife*.
I personally would not send the letter. I believe this will only make things worse for everyone involved. Your wife is the one that has to stop this affair, not you. She is the one that has to want to cut off all contact with him. Sending a letter is not going to do it.
well i think the letter is fine i just hope you know what your doing…best of luck youll need it!
i think you are just a loser and no you can’t get another woman. I have had lot’s you worthless losers get mad because i am doing your wife but the reality is you are not being a equal partner and so you are mad because she no longer is happy with the way it is and someone else like myself makes them happy and not just from a sexual perspective. You need to grow up and start treating her right or someone else will be coming alone and you will be right yet another letter to some other guy. Take some responsibility you need to apologize to her and change your ways.
i read the letter as a sarcastic account of an imaginary example of cheating. when i read the comments i found myself confused. can really there be such an idiot husband? can really there be people on earth who both believe in the content of this letter and give advices regarding how to get his bitch back? i am really confused. do we really live in the same world with you?