what can i do to gain trust/ stop this hurt after fiance/girfriend cheated?
alot of you know my situation from my last posts…..and i love all you guys because you all give such helpful advice….therefor im coming to you guys again. background is my fiance cheated on me and afterwards said she was sorry and came back, then left again sayign she couldnt stay away from new guy, and wanted to be friends and live with me even while dating the guy she cheated on me with (because her college is right beside my apartment, otherwise would have to drive 1 1/2 a day both ways) i allowed this for a while but then decided she had to go because it just hurt too much to see sher everyday but not be with her and know shes with him. so i made her move out again. that lasted all of 2 days till she asked to come back, and promised things with this guy was over and it was just me and her (which is what i want most of all, shes my life and i cant see myself going on without her. she stayed at the apartment till friday then went back up home to visit her mom, saturday came around and she texted me and said we had to split up again because she shouldnt be with anyone while she decided. she ended up having sex with him the next day (up until then it was always fooling around, which doesnt make it right, but ive explained to her that intercourse to me took it to a whole nother level and i could forgive the folling around, but if she crossed that line its over forever) she crossed that line, so in my mind it was over for good and i had the worst hurt yet of the entire month, (this whole thing started jan 1st.) because i really felt it was over and i had lost her forever.
then tuesday came around, and she almost wrecked driving those 11/2 hours to school because of the bad weather…so she asked if she could stay at the apartment tuesday night because she had to be at school wednesday. i couldnt see myself saying no…the roads were horrible, and what if i did say no because she had sex with him and it was over and something happened where she wrecked. so i let her stay.
things seemed to just sparkle between us that night….and she eventually told me that it was just the thrill of the hunt and that even though i said if she crossed that line it would be over forever, she had to sleep with him just to kinda "conquer the quest" and that the moment it was over, she knew she could move on from him. i explained the situation that i was in, how if i were to take her back i would always fear for her leaving again, that i would be setting myself up for another heart break, that if i let her get away with it that she would never learn that every action has a consequence.
im sorry this is so long, so ill get to my question. i love this girl more than anything, and i cant handle the pain of losing her..so when she promised me he was out of her life for good, and that she would do anything to make me know she was back forever, and that she wanted to grow old with me and have kids…i allowed her to come back. the problem lies in me trying to trust in her.
a part of me thinks shes just coming back to me to be in the apartment so she can be close to school, which ends in may. i fear that she is playing me and come may she will be gone again, with a degree that i supported her throughout getting, and im going to be hurt all over again. i know im probably the dumbest guy out there, and i know there is gonna be alot of answers that say "dude leave once a cheater always a cheater" but what im asking is maybe some advice from people who have been cheated on, and tookl that person back, on things i can do to trust her and not have this hurtful feeling inside of me everytime she is off work, or everytime her cell phone gets a text, etc. i want to be able to sit at work shile she is off and not fear she is going up there with him and having a laugh about how i thinks shes with me but its just so she doesnt have to drive. its been 5 days now…and ive been able to work when shes aty school and off when she is off so i can know where she is….but eventually that isnt going to be the case…..please help someone. i HAVE to keep her in my life i need her, but if i cant trust her and am always worried im going to go insane with the inner battle my mind is going through. please help!
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Tagged with: apartment • bad weather • fiance • folling • having sex • intercourse • love • mom • tuesday night
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
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She is not to be trusted. She is selfish and only using you. I know that hurts, but it is true.
You will never be able to trust her or look at her the same. Right now you cannot think straight. You have been emotionally yanked around.
I hope you can walk away from her for good because she has nothing to offer to you. She is only saying what she knows you want to hear so she can get her way and have things convenient for her.
When my fiance was young, he married a woman who pretty much did the same thing and after they had a child together she started cheating on him again with the same guy and then up and left him with a tiny baby. She married the other guy and had the happy life with 2 new children while my fiance had to deal with all her crap and pain she caused him. My fiance has to deal with it every day of his life and it is upsetting because of all the kids step-brother/sister involved. It is a mess. He has forgiven her, but all this could have been avoided if he had not been the nice guy and booted her out to begin with.
Walk away…yes, it will hurt, but haven’t you already been through enough?
This girl is using you! I am so sorry that she is doing this to you and it is not right. But you need to kick her out and move on. She is just going to keep walking all over you because you are a nice guy and she is going to just keep taking advantage of it. Get her out of your life and start fresh. Break ups are hard and its not going to be easy but you will find the person that is right for you and you’ll be happy that you through this girl to the curb. I really hope you make the right decision. Good Luck!
bleeeeeeeech. there now i am done throwing up at your pathetic story.
since i already told you to read doc love at askmen.com and you obviously did not cause you are still taking back this disgusting skank who is using you for all she can get you for, " sparkling that night?" well, at this point you get whatever anguish you deserve. so for however long it lasts before she takes off again, sparkle away, you fool. i know she has no respect for you and at this point i dont either.
Its females like that, who give women a bad rap. I hope you find the strength to realize that when someone loves you, they don’t hurt you as she has done. More than that, you don’t need her, you only want to possess her affections. What would you say if it were your best friend telling you this story? Or your mom or sister telling you how cruel their boyfriend has been to them. Take yourself out of it and look at the situation as a whole. There is no magic action that will make you trust her, trust is something that is earned. I am sorry for your pain and dealing with the infidelity of someone you love. Kick her ass to the curb.
Okay, this is coming from a girl’s point of view so maybe this will help you.
I know you need her in your life and you love her and everything, but really… if there isn’t trust, there’s no point. It’s just going to hurt you in the long run. You don’t need to worry if your girlfriend is going to cheat on you or not your whole life.
It sounds like to me that she is using you for your apartment. I hate to say that, but it sounds like it to me. I think you should stay with her, but tell her you need your own space for a little while and that she can’t stay at your apartment for a little while. See how she reacts and then see how it goes from there.
You need to watch out for yourself. I’m sure there are a lot of other girls out there that will treat you a lot better. I know you don’t want someone to say ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ but honestly.. that’s the truth.
My friend was dating someone that cheated on her and she let it go and went back to him after he wanted her to be with him again. This went on back and forth for a while and she wasn’t the same person she was before all of this happened. It really tore her up and she didn’t want to do anything because she was so upset. She ended up being strong and not taking him back and it was actually a lot better for her. She found out that while she was with him, he still cheated on her even though he "promised" her he wouldn’t anymore.
You can’t just keep taking her back and letting her walk all over you (which she is doing).
I know you feel like you HAVE to have her in your life, but what is she doing for you besides stressing you out? Don’t fool yourself, my dear. She may love you and you may love her but this relationship is toxic. Tell her that all this is too much for you to handle right now and you need to take a break. Then cut her out of your life for two months. No calls, not talking, not text nothing. She’s a big girl. She didn’t have to drive in that snowstorm and she could have gone to a hotel or a friends place to get off the road. As long as you let her use you, she’ll keep it up. As long as you are with her, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering if she’s being faithful and even is she is, your mistrust will hurt the relationship. See how you feel after not being around her for two months (it’s only 8 weeks!!! You can do it!!!) Sometimes some distance clears the head and makes the situation clearer. If you still want to be with her after that and she wants to be with you, get back together with her, but KNOW that she may always be unfaithful and you may have to share her. Harsh, I’m sorry, but true. She may keep coming back the "thrill of the hunt" will probably always be her first priority. Good luck.
this girl is the lowest form of sleeze.
she is using you. and she knows that no matter what she does you will take her back with open arms.
get away from her.
i know the pain of a heartache. ive suffered the worst one.
but you can move one. and you seem like such a great guy you can do so so so much better than this girl. and you deserve better.
there is no love where there is no trust.