What are logical reasons for taking my soon to be ex husband back?
After 10 years of being together he started lying, cheating, stealing from me, not bringing money home. He was a substance abuser and at times verbally abusive. We have been apart for 3 years and now I can finally afford to get the divorce…he has "found" God and wants to come back to make things right. He is trying to get on his feet. We have 3 children that need him and really miss him. I know he has a good heart but i am afraid to take that chance. It is extremely financially hard to take care of the kids on my own. He claims that he needs to be with us to live to his potential. I am lonely but I think that he should try to thrive on his own before I even consider taking him back. Is this wrong? right now all he brings to the table is our history (prior to him doing wrong) and that he is the father of my children.
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Tagged with: 10 years • 3 years • bringing money home • divorce • father of my children • god • good heart • heart • Logical Reasons • money • quot • substance abuser
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You are right. He should be standing on his own two feet.
That "needs to be with you to live to his potential", is a good story line, but it does not always prove to be true. If he has found God, is he now saving his money? Has he put any away in a bank account? Has he been generous with money to help you and the children, without the judge having to tell him to do so. He should bring a new attitude to the table, with asking you to go to counciling. He should have to prove himself. Dear, he has had three years alone to try to get on his feet. And I know you are lonely, but be very carefull. Most substance abusers do not stop. And no matter how hard it is financially, to take care of the children on your own, if you take him back and history repeats itself, you will be so unhappy. It has taken you three years to get where you are now. Be very carefull you do not end up in that same situation again.
Tell him to get a job and keep it for a year, then you’ll talk about getting back together. Trying to get on his feet ain’t gonna cut it. He needs to prove he’s straight.
You are absolutely right on in your thoughts that he should try to thrive on his own before you’ll take him back. Taking him back is a recipe for trouble. It doesn’t mean that the kids don’t get to see him. But make him show you he has it together first before you sign on for another 10 years – he might pleasantly surprise you but he could also just be looking for a free ride.
I wouldn’t take him back at all. He’s probably just making excuses saying that he’s found God because he’s probably having financial difficulties living on his own. If you are having a hard time financially with the children, take him to court for child support.
A Marriage Counsleor might help…….
How are you going to find out if he will take care of you if haven’t even seen him take good care of himself? If you have been living without him for 3 years, why would you take him back now? He should be independent, I think that will help alleviate some of your fears if you see him doing well for himself. He just needs you right now.
you asked for a logical reason – here it is – temporary insanity.
You are 100% right that he needs to PROVE he has changed BEFORE being allowed back into your, and your children’s lives full time. He needs to spend a year, clean, in therapy and on his own. If he can do that then "think" about letting him back in…slowly. One slip – it’s over.
i agree he should thrive on his own first. you both should also try to start back at square one and he should try to date you first. that way you can see any changes he has made before committing to it. he should win you back, the way he won you in the first place.
You’re right. Have him get on his own two feet first. You shouldn’t be supporting dead weight regardless of how much he claims he needs you. He needs to get off his butt and get a job.
you have three good reason your kids you own it to them and yourself you know you want to give him another chance so do it good luck
make him Court u all over again,, as if he just met u…
and see where his heart really lies..
don’t jump back into the frying pan so quickly,,, kids or no kids..
what is best for them.. is to take it slow.. and be sure it is gonna work this time
the best prediction of future behavior.. is past behavior..
good, so he found God.. great….
then he knows that sometimes he must forgive himself
and that penance sometimes means just because you found God does not mean your life will be back in order as you think it could be
to that end
DO NOT take him back
LONELINESS is a poor EXCUSE for entering into a BAD relationship
children may need him, but then that’s called visitation isn’t it?
if you go back for the monetary angle then you have no self respect and anything bad that comes from it will be YOUR fault since you focused on the money aspect ( for security ) rather than emotional security
children do well of course with 2 HAPPY and well ADJUSTED parents
but not 2 miserable ones, in that case they are better off divorced
if he get angry over the thought of a divorce.. and child support, alimony and what not…. then you have seen his true side and that marks hims as a manipulative man ( and he is one since "finding" God and saying that he needs to be with you to succeed…)