My Boyfriend of 4 months is unsure if he wants to be in a relationship!?
I met my boyfriend back in august through a mutual friend. The mutual happens to be my cousins wife, and my best friend who only wants the best for me. She has known my boyfriend for 20 plus years. They grew up together in a very very small town. Theyre families are very close. My best friend had NOTHING but great things to say about him and how much she thought we would click. AND WE DID!. We remained friends and talked as friends through the phone, text email occasionally.. He had a gf when I met him. But like I said, we were just friends. He texted me around thanksgiving and wanted to say Hi, and see how I was. He told me he had ended his relationship, he found pictures of her with another guy on her computer. And she had also stole money from him. WE started talking daily on the phone, for hours a day. We quickly realized how much we had in common. He then asked (after about two weeks) if he could take me out. I agreed. He sent me a text on his way over saying "I just left, Im on my way, I cant wait. I feel like a little kid waiting for santa to come. I cant wait to spend time with you" This is one of the most amazing men I have ever in my life met. He makes me laugh uncontrolably, he makes me smile just by saying the cutest things, I am for the first time in my 15 years of dating / relationships that I have truly been HAPPY. It is the best feeling ever. BUT. I have been cheated on by every guy I have had a relationship with. So for the last four years I have basicly been just random dating. Hang out a few times, have dinner or drinks, and then I really don’t talk to the guy again. I very quickly lose interest in a man, at max it takes a month or so. I have NEVER once felt like I am losing interest with this guy. He gives me my space, and I give him his. I got to a point where I realized how much I liked him and loved being with him and loved just being happy with someone. I knew it was time to run, or jump. I discussed this with him. He said " I wont let you run, Just jump." He then two days later surprised me with a trip away for the weekend. Full of laughs, shopping, great dining to a fabulous place. He said he needed us to get back on the same page. Things were GREAT. Then following weekend he planned a big ice fishing trip.. Which he knew for me was a BIG STEP. Im not the out doors type. IM always dressed very professional. In heals and dress clothes. I braved it, and like a trooper loved every minute of the 7 hours ice fishing trip he put so m uch into. And I never once complained. It was doing something he enjoyed that made me love it. A few days later out of no where he said "I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship, I feel like I jumped into this so quick. I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship. I care about you so much, but I just got out of a relationship and was hurt. I don’t think im ready for it again" we ended up talking on the phone later, I told him he needed to make sure that was what he wanted. I asked him why he has to build up this wall with me. He said he didn’t know. Basicly over time, we continued to talk on the phone daily.. As if he NEVER said that to me. We did NOT discuss "us" or our relationship for the whole week. Any time I brought it up he said "do we have to talk about this right now, everything is fine" He asked me to dinner that weekend. So I drove over to his apartment (40 miles away) I had dinner with him. We got back to his apartment and I said I was leaving.. Dinner went great, aside from the fact that he could see I was distant due to my mind going a million miles a minute on the way there. He begged me not to leave, he couldn’t believe I drove out there just for dinner and wasn’t going to stay. We finally discussed us and our relationship… He said he is happy, and he just wanted to take it one day at a time.. so we had been. for another month and a half.. NOW AGAIN.. here we are.. He doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship.. WHAT IS HE DOING? WHAT SHOULD I DO
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Tagged with: 4 months • best friend • cousins • dating relationships • drinks • Friends • gf • just friends • little kid • Met • money • mutual friend • relationship • thanksgiving • theyre
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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The best thing to do (probably very hard though) is to not think about what you guys are doing, just enjoy it. Take it as it comes and I am almost 100% sure, if everything you explained about the way you are together is true, then you will end up together in the end.
You have to understand that he has just come out of a relationship and is obviously not entirely over her and need to give him time.
Just do what you are doing, don’t ask him what you are doing and when the time is right I am sure he will talk to you.
Act just as you are now, it will work out if it is meant to be. I think if you keep asking him about it he will run away… just be patient!
Hope it all works out!
I think that you should take it "one day at a time" as he suggested. he was clearly hurt very badly in the previous relationship, and is guarding himself from that feeling, not from you as a person. if he truly did not want a relationship at all, he would not continue to see you. stop overanalyzing the situation, and just let it be.