How do you recover from a psychologically abusive relationship?
I know that I should be glad to get out of this relationship & someone who will love me with no strings attached, instead of trying to make me feel like I owe him for his participation in our relationship. And I am glad for that. But after 4.5 years, it’s hard to lose someone that’s always been there. He put me through a lot of BS. And I want to leave. I’m sure it’ll be over within the next month or so. But at this point, I don’t have any friends here. I have no one else to talk to, and while I resent him for rubbing it in my face, and for passive-aggressively trying to keep me isolated…the truth is I feel like I’ll have no one. Even though I’m completely financially/residentially independent, I feel like I won’t be able to make ends meet. But it’s weird, because if he broke with me, I’d be fine with it. I’d find a way to cope.
I feel like an empty shell of myself. How can I recover, and how can I build myself up so that this won’t be such a difficult decision to make?
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Tagged with: abusive relationship • amp • bs • difficult decision • empty shell • love • participation • relationship • truth
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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u feel as if u need him because he has kept u emotionally dependent on him for years, and its hard to loose even someone who hasn’t been that good to u in the first place. but your self worth doesn’t come from him, or the relationship, your self worth comes from how god feels about u. when u seek god and find him u will see that u have alot of self worth. u can recover by going to a self help therapy group, where others like yourself will be there to uplift u and show u the way out of this. it does take time even if it was an abusive thing to get past it, u will find yourself missing him even though he doesn’t deserve your love. if u are financially okay and can pay your bills and maintain your house, your one of the lucky ones. he robbed u of your self worth and it will take some time to get it back, understand that its not your fault he treated u as he did, the problem was somewhere within his own heart and soul. pray to the lord and he will put the right helpers in your life so u will be able to move on. good luck.
therapy and time.
a good therapist.
If you have money and a home, I don’t see why your even thinking you need him!!!
I raised 4 kids alone, no home to call ours, and pennyless jobs…………..we made it!! I can’t feel sorry for those who have things.
But the psychological abuse stays with you along time, if you don’t get therapy. I know, been there done that!!
be patient and find yourself a good therapist. You will make it through
You have been listening to him for to long, you are brainwashed! That is what it was for me too. Just remember, you have one true friend that will always be there for you–and it is yourself!!
You need to start making plans for yourself, find things to look forward to and don’t listen to that petty little voice that he put inside your head, keep telling it to go away!!
You need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy to get back on the right track. Move back near family and friends and get into therapy.
Yeah find an extremely positive guy to replace him if you know for a fact you are leaving him. The obvious one is the counseling/therapy/battered women’s groups. You might think you cant without him or someone else don’t be co dependent. You already have the stable job and home so. RELAX Take a deep breath and make a list with a therapist of your short term goals to get over the abuse and the codependency.
Guess what?, what you really need, believe ot or not, take a personal defense class!!!! really, it helps to release all that frustation and oppresion feeling you had for years!!!, go to the gym and hit that sucker with your gloves on!!! you have no idea of the feeling!! it’s great!!! do it, my friend…you will kill 2 birds with one stone: 1.- you will build your confidence in yourself by knowing how to kick as-s, always!!! and 2.- you are getting your frustations all out in a very healthy way and at the same time you are getting inshape!!!!!!!!!!!!! what else do you want?????
Therapy, nah!….what do these people know about how you really feel??? take it all out!!!!
Do it and check yourself in 6 months period!!! you will see the magic………………….
You’re already alone but you’ll be losing a major headache when you finally leave him. You can make it on your own, millions of women do. But you won’t stay alone forever. Don’t let him hold you down any longer. If you have to stay with him until you’re on your feet, and you absolutely have no other choice, stay focused so you can get out of there asap.
I used to be in the same kind of relationship with someone for 3 years. Somehow, I loved him even though he put me through so much…I don’t know how. Anyway, I told myself that it was type to stop hurting myself, because by staying with him that was EXACTLY what I was doing. I was putting up with all of his hateful words, and mind-numbing games and I decided I could no longer continue to let him do that to me. So, I broke up with him, shut off all possible communication with him and burned any pictures, letters, and presents associated with him. Then, I sat down and wrote a fake letter to him, telling him how much I hated him for putting me through so much. It felt so good to let out all my anger and hurt. It was really hard to let go, at first, but eventually I moved on and met other people. I think you need to realize that you’re better than this…and that you need to help yourself by finding someone else who will appreciate you.
You’ve already begun, you let someone know how you feel.
I’m your friend. I am answering your questions. I was once in your shoes (20+yrs) I know how hard it is to think of yourself ALONE.Guess what it will be much better than the abuse.
Do you have any children?
Have you sought counseling?It helped me.
Support groups?
Sounds like the biggest hurdle would be the financial aspect, and fortunately, you’ve got that covered. Many women have nothing to fall back on that way and it makes the situation that much harder. So, you’re off to a good start. As for feeling lonely and isolated, that will just take some time and determination on your part. We all get attached to things that are familiar to us, but it sounds like you are aware that this was/is an abusive relationship and that you deserve better.
The best way to make friends is to be one. But you have to pick and choose carefully where and what environment would be the healthiest for you at this point. Volunteering doesn’t cost any money, and it could put you in touch with other types of people who, instead of wanting to sit around feeling sorry for themselves, turn their attitude around and help someone else. Only you know what opportunities are available in your area. If you like physical activity, find a YMCA or other type of group that does things you enjoy. Just stay positive and remind yourself constantly that you are moving forward with every aspect of your life. Things will fall into place. Best wishes.