My wife left me yesterday. I have been destroyed?
I came home from work and my wife of 19 years was gone. She didn’t take much except some clothes and a few things. She left a lengthy note which was dated a few weeks ago telling me that she’s in love with someone else and is pregnant with his child. She says she’s sorry but she hasn’t loved me for years and it’s all been a show until the girls grew up. She says she’s not coming back and I’ll get divorce papers in the mail. I called her work and her boss said she gave her notice a couple of weeks ago and she’s been gone for a week.
I feel like I’m going to throw up. Our twin 18 year old girls are away at college and don’t know she’s gone yet. I don’t know what to say to them.
I feel like just driving off a bridge. I feel like drinking until I pass out. I feel like emptying my bank account and spending it on hookers or just trying to pick up some girl at a bar and screw her. I just want to feel something good. I can barely feel anything except agony.
I did virtually nothing at work today but fight back tears and hope nobody came by my desk or talked to me.
I don’t know why this happened. I loved her to death. She was everything to me. We laughed and spent wonderful time together. We almost never fought, we talked, flirted, went out dancing just like we did 20 years ago and had a wonderful time… all the time. She always had a huge smile, ran to me when I came home, and did everything I thought a loving wife did.
How could I ever love again? I can’t tell the difference between someone who loves me and someone who doesn’t. Can one of you ladies in here explain to me how someone could masquerade as a loving wife for so many years and never give me a clue that she was unhappy? Why wouldn’t she just tell me she wasn’t happy and then maybe I could have fixed whatever was wrong.
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Tagged with: 100 Girls • 18 year old girls • 19 years • agony • boss • bridge • clothes • clue • desk • divorce papers • hasn • hookers • love • loving wife • mail • masquerade • smile • wonderful time
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain.
All I’ve got is, sometimes people do hurtful things to people. And when they do–especially when the person inflicting the pain is someone you loved and trusted–it seems like the whole world’s gone crazy. You sound like a nice guy. I hope you can get support from your friends and family. You’ll get through this, but it sounds really tough right now.
You deserve happiness. Good luck.
nah
ur good
just find a hot foreign woman
Man this sort of thing sucks but it happens to people – thats life.
It might not be easy but you got to hang in there at least for the sake of your daughters.
There are decent women but as to whether you will be lucky enough to find one I don’t know.
but you have to hang in there nonetheless and face it like a man.
First of all, know that IT’LL GET BETTER! Alot of us guys have had our hearts ripped out & our lives thrown askew. But it gets better.
I’m guessing you’re around 40 yrs old, give or take a few. Take a few months–or maybe a year to get over the shock & the pain. It’ll hurt, but it’s part of the growth process.
Then try to figure out what you want from life. Make goals, career goals, life goals. Do you want to get more education?? Do you want to travel?? A new career? Now’s the time, you’ve got nothing holding you down.
As far as women go–stay away from them for now–you’re a wreck. After 6 months or so, start going out..have some fun. As a still fairly young, handsome & successful guy, you, my freind, are at the top of the chain! You’ll have your pick of women.
Anyways, best of luck & take care.
Take some time off work and get really drunk for the day. Recover and go back to work and do well. After 6 months or so, look for a woman who is about 10-14 years younger than you for a relationship. You then have to decide if you want to get married again. I would not.
Come on man, there’s more to this story than her just leaving you all of a sudden. You must have known she was unhappy, no-one is that blind.
I’m so sorry this happened.
No, you are NOT destroyed, even though it feels like it now.
Call your daughters, or get in touch with them in some way, and simply tell them that their mother has left you. Agree with them if they offer to come home and be with you for a while. Call in to work, and get a few days off.
Take care of yourself and remember that, even though they’re at college, your daughters still need you. Doing anything bad to yourself would crush them — which they do not deserve (this will be rough enough for them).
If you need to, call a suicide hot-line, or find a grief counselor.
Sorry, I have no idea why your wife was dishonest with you. I truly do not understand why she did what she did.
Edited to add: Actually, step ONE should be to call your best friend, or a sibling, or anyone else not of the household. Then do the other stuff I said.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you. I truly feel sorry for your situation–no one deserves to be treated in this manner.
Just know that as much as it hurts now, it will get better over time. The first year is the most difficult. Some of the other posters have offered you very good advice. I have nothing to add to it except please, call the crisis line should you feel like harming yourself or, better yet, visit your family doctor–perhaps you may need some medical intervention of some kind and s/he may be able to provide it. All the best–just remember, this too shall pass. <HUGS>
Head to mother Russia or somewhere in Eastern Europe for 1 year, and find yourself a wife that is hotter than your old one. Send your old hag wife a post card of you and the new wife.
Dear anonomous,
It sounds like you have had a rough time. However i can tell you this… your wife may hve loved you but you didnt \"spice\" things up enough for her.
I think that some of the advice here is binigne and EXTREAMELY childish, however this is whtt you should do in this order…
1. contact a family member on your side of the family and discuss with him/her about thr problem you are having.
2. contact both of your 18 year old daughters and let them know what is happening at home tell them that their schooling is more important than your grief and that you will be alright.
3. call your boss and tell him/her that you are having problems at home, that you are going through a divorce and that you need a week off [if needed be plead with him for at least 3 days].
4. go and do something for 1 day with your friends that you/friends normaly enjoy doing [ie. boating, racing, hunting, fishing] and keep a phone with you for contact with your family.
once you are back in town and are fealing a little bit better clean house. Buy a storage shed and CAREFULLY move every thing that she owns into it things that you accociat her with put in there if it mens the WHOLE house ak a family member/friend [if in town] if you van come over and stay with him/her for a few days/weeks but try your best not to impose on them.
By tis time you should have a cleared head and not have thought about her for days
Other than this i have no other imput on yur situation just DO NOT THINK NEGITEVLY this is a must and if you wander donw the devils highway… spit in his face do not give in to him.
Able Korrington