Can you ever love your husband again after you have hated him for so long?
2 weeks before my wedding my husband told me he didn’t want to marry me (had to go through with it cause of the $$ and people involved). I have went through emotional abuse, drinking, physical violence, controlling issues, and sexual issues with this man. There was absolutely nothing right in our relationship. I finally decided I wanted a divorce and I walked out. Had finally gotten enough self esteem that I didn’t need him and that I could make it on my own. I have a good job and can financially support myself. For temporary – I went to my parents house to live and my dad has cirrohsis…and after all he has been through I came home to him and my mom fighting because he was drinking again. I moved out young because of this problem and I ran from it again because I didn’t want to be there so I went back to my husband. I don’t love my husband at all. But he promised that he would start taking meds and change the way he treated me. Things have changed a little but I still have so much hatred built up for him for the things he has done to me. I met a guy on a work trip back a few months ago and we talk every now and then. We both really like each other but he lives pretty far from me. I get butterflies when I think about talkin to him. I fell out of love with my husband so long ago because he never treated me like he cared one bit and now I feel so stupid for sittin around and letting it happen. I want my life back! I am 25 yrs old and a really good person. I just want to be happy. My husband is trying to manipulate me into staying and saying I can fall back into love with him. I have been goin to therapy to try to get all this figured out but personal experience or opinions would be appreciated.
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Tagged with: butterflies • Cirrohsis • dad • divorce • Emotional Abuse • good job • good person • hatred • job • love • meds • mom • parents • personal experience • physical violence • relationship • self esteem • sexual issues • work trip
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Hi from France ♫
I don’t understand ! After to have say us all the bad things he done to you, how can asked this question ? It is obvious you must forget him ! You don’t even should ask this in fact, it’s so obvious …
I wish you the best,
Catherine ♥
If you’re going through emotional and physical abuse with a husband who isn’t fully committed and has additional issues my question to you is why would you even want to consider spending another moment with him? He’s been given his chance and continually blows it. You can’t change a person nor will therapy help when you could so easily leave him and not even have him notice within a year. Forget your husband, forget the new man and clean off your slate of men until you don’t feel you have to have a man around to feel complete. It sounds like it’s time to take care of yourself and live your own life alone making peace with the one person you’ve forgotten to take care of…yourself.
Find someone else before you drive yourself insane
I didn’t read your details, but I just wanted you to know that love is the same as hate. They are the same emotion at opposite ends of the spectrum. That considered, I would say it is possible for you to love him again. He probably just needs to make amends for whatever he did to hurt you so badly.
Listen to your instincts and move on…
This is what you get for marrying because of "$$ and people" instead of for the right reasons. Well, you made your bed, now you have to lie in it.
My recommendation to you is to stop going from person to person to help you. Figure out how to support yourself without any other person’s help, and spend some serious time proving to yourself that you can. Thereafter, you will be able to deal with your husband from a position of equality.
You really shouldn’t try to make yourself fall back in love with someone you are no longer in love with. It’s not fair to do that to your self because you can’t just let him jerk you around. He is manipulating you and it sounds like you have found new love in someone else.
No Kids + Still Young = Move On
Do not waste another day of your life with this guy.
Get your own place and never look back.
Its time to get out. I wouldn’t use that other man as a reason though, get out on your own for awhile and then once you get a divorce you can start dating again.
I know the feeling of having a cold heart, and what it is like to have someone jump start it, but leave on your own terms and for all the right reasons.
Nah, no way! Resentment always messes things up in the end.
Divorce him before he drives you insane.
A relationship of convenience is never good and you will most likely keep driving yourself mad whilst you are with him..Get a life on your own and don’t look back………..
There is so much here … first yes you can fall in love with him, however, you first have to ask some hard questions … how did you contribute to this situation. From the beginning why didn’t you call off the wedding, what other behaviors did you have which gave him power in the relationship. Second place to look is family of origin, is he like your father?
Going back into a failed relationship makes no sense unless you look at what caused the it to fail and acknowledging that both participate in the failure, through action and inaction.
Just leave his butt. Get yourself a job and learn to support yourself. Living in misery is the choice you’ve made for yourself. There are other options available to you. This other guy is just a distraction. Put it away and get your life straight before pursuing anyone else. And definitely don’t end up a cheat, then you’re no better than the man you say you hate.
Get a divorce. Your young, you still have time to become happy!
Love and hate are very closely related. You can stop hating someone and so you can start loving again. Having said hat you have to look at pros and cons does the good outweigh the bad? Can he change and has he, is the potential good, good enough? Can you forgive truly? If not,time to go.
You didn’t have to go through with it, but you did anyway. He told you he didn’t want to marry you….yet you still didn’t let him off the hook. You married a man that didn’t want to be with you, and then were shocked that he didn’t treat you right after the wedding?
He would have felt miserable and stuck. He should of had the balls to walk out too though.
Your being very one sided about this. You both knew what the deal was, yet you both married anyway. You both were miserable. Simple.
Now you have to fix it. Fix it by stop blaming him. Own your part in it. You can’t be a victim for the rest of your life. Even if you only allowed him to treat you that way…you still played a big part in it.
Continue to work so you can always support yourself. Don’t rely on others, that how you end up feeling stuck and needing others to pick up the pieces.
Stop talking to the other guy. How are you meant to fix your marriage when your talking to a man that your interested in? You are playing a very big part in destroying your marriage you just haven’t accepted that yet.
Yes you can fix it. Cut the other guy off. Learn to be independent. And look honestly at the part you played in this all turning to sh*t. When you can do that not only will a lot of the resentment lift, you will be able to learn from your mistakes and adjust your life and your behavior to avoid such unhealthy situations. Best of luck
After reading your post, I find myself wondering if you hate the man or if you hate the pain that he has caused you. I ask this because it seems strange to me that you would stay with someone that you hate. There is a fine line between love and hate . Although I can sympathize with the pain he has caused you, you must take some responsibility in the demise of your marriage. there is no way I would marry a man who did so only because of money and the embarrassment it would cause to others. That was your first mistake. Also, you can sit back and sink into self pity all that you want but the truth is life is what you make it. You have a mind and you need to use it. If you truly hate this man then leave him and move on. Stop the pity party because I can tell you right now, your life has been no more difficult than mine has been and until you defend yourself and take the responsibility for your own mistakes, you will not be happy whether you leave him or not.
Wow TC! This message so moved and inspired me! It was meant for me and I accept it and claim it as mine through the love and faithfulness of our wonderful Lord and Savior!