How can I repair the damage I've done, and what can I do to get him back?
My boyfriend of over three years broke up with me in September. Although we had been very happy together for the most part, I became sort of the girlfriend from hell when college started and got strangely controlling. I demanded he transfer to my school and visit me in the city every weekend. I don’t know what I was thinking, but in the process of a few weeks, he lost every last feeling for me. He said he just couldn’t handle me anymore, despite everything we’d been through. Here is the weird part: We are best friends. But it’s obviously getting awkward because I still have strong feelings for him. In the beginning, he said that he thought we would probably get back together. But I made the mistake of pushing things… a lot. Constantly. You know the part where you are supposed to give your ex time and space? I didn’t. I’ve pushed him away so much by now, I’m afraid I’ve messed things up forever. I’ll call him and pick fights. I’ve been dwelling on the breakup for longer than I should. When we hang out, I still hang on him as if we were together. He clams up and looks away. For months, he said he wasn’t "sexually" attracted to me. But last week, for the first time since September, we hooked up. A few days later, he told me that it was selfish of him to do that, because he felt no emotional connection with me. I said I was alright with us just hooking up, but he said that would be wrong to lead me on. I guess he could be right about that… but still, all this time I thought he wasn’t attracted to me. I’ve tried everything, but I’ve gone too far. The calls, the persistent nagging. He’s sick of me giving him the "gah-gah" eyes. And these days, all I do is cry and sob when we hang out. I’m reminded of how much we loved each other. I know none of you people know me, but please believe me when I say we were that unique breed of couple that just… I can’t explain it. Sometimes, the bond is so deep, you just know it’s meant to be. I haven’t followed any of the steps to get my ex back. I believe that we will get back together, but I know that everything I’m doing is wrong. I know that if I could just act normal and not psychotic he would be able to see me as a girl worth dating. I need advice. Decent advice… and maybe a few prayers. I never wanted to become that kind of ex-girl… the one that never let go. The saddest part is, he still wants to be my best friend- but just my best friend- and according to him, never, ever my boyfriend again. Is there hope? What can I do???
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Tagged with: best friends • clams • emotional connection • feelings • few days • gah gah • girlfriend • hell • mistake • time and space
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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In my opinion, you know what to do. Quit doing what you have been doing. You know you are just making it worse.
I have never understood how a boy and girl can be best friends. It rarely works out. One usually has more feelings than the other and ends up getting hurt. And to try to be best friends with an ex-boyfriend is even worse!
When I was young, a girl would never think of having a boy for a best friend. We had best girlfriends who we could talk to and who would understand us. The boys were more acquaintances than friends, unless they were a boyfriend.
If he says he will never ever be your boyfriend again, why are you hurting yourself by sticking around? You want more and he doesn’t. Stop this best friend stuff, and stay away from him. Get a girlfriend you can confide in.
Stay away from this boy. Don’t call him, and don’t text him. There is a slim chance that he just may miss you so much that he will want to try again. But don’t count on it. Get on with your life, and let him see that you have changed. If he should come back, you will need to act differently than you have been. And if he doesn’t come back, then let it go and try to be the best person you can be.
I know it’s not easy when you care a lot about a person, but I think most people have been through similar situations, and we all lived through it. You will, too. Good luck.
wow… i think that you need to relax and take things slightly slower. he is obviously a bit confused – when u hooked up together. Maybe he was emotionally overwraught and was secretly as upset as you are/were. and that woz his only way of expressing himself. just give each other time to breathe. it always helps!