The second part, where you try to stuff your backpack (responsibilities) down with you… somehow you try to remain more alert and responsible, but you cannot "immerse" yourself in this "trip" when you do that.

You think of this activity as cleansing (thus the shower) but it really isn’t. You are trying to reach the "cleansing agent" (maybe it’s God, or some form of catharsis or spiritual cleansing) but instead you are only aroused. This could represent emotional arousal. You never get the thing you are really after, but you again engage in behavior in which you "lose yourself" and in this case, you have an audience.

What are you doing where you "lose yourself" in front of someone. You are putting something that perhaps should be very private (or not done at all) on display in front of someone else, and they are not happy to be included in this very personal activity with you.

Is this occult behavior? Drugs? Too much public confession (perhaps online? on webcam?) You are revealing too much to someone, somewhere. This person is not your husband, who might be open to a deeper level of intimacy. It is someone who really doesn’t want to see you that "naked", "transparent" or out of control.

Pray for wisdom. Remember, some things are for only the most intimate relationships and the most private places. Other things are best not done at all. Prayerfully consider this.

God bless you and give you wisdom.

Fairelight

lol

those are nothing once i dreamt that i was stuck in a lake full of jello in a ape suit…then some horny dog ate all the jello and started humping me O_o

yea i know