Can my wife fall back in love with me?
We been married for 10 years and have a 10 year old daugter who has been the glue the whole time since Ive been a stressed out bitter self reichous jerk who brought many hurtful words to my wife for a long time now.
I have just had an epiphany and am madly in love with her again and can see all of my mistakes and for 3 weeks now have fixed them all except for the anxiety and insecurity of loosing her which is effecting me in every aspect of my life now but, I am now a changed man and at least my daughter will benefit for the rest of her life. She is alrady got plans to leave soon as she has enough savings to go and despite all my efforts to be romantic or just to make her feel special she kinda just rolls her eyes when I try most of the time. I have been the most respectful and fun Ive ever been to her and I think she is enjoying it.
Im not trying to find a way to have sex with her I just want to stand proudly becide her with her love till I die!
Any advice will be apriciated
Related Information:
Tagged with: 10 years • anxiety • Benefit • daugter • glue • hurtful words • insecurity • jerk • long time • love • trying to find a way • whole time
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
Talk to her and tell her what you have just told us. Suggest marriage counseling and if she is willing she may see a real change through this. However you cannot expect to undo 0 years of damage in 3 weeks. I give you credit for making a change. If she is unwilling to go to counseling go yourself to help with the anxiety. Unfortunately if she chooses to leave she will leave if she chooses to stay she will expect the change to be permanent. Good luck.
I can not help you ,
but keep trying , I am in the same boat.
Only time will heal, she may think that this is just something else that you are going through and cant seem to think that you are real right now, I would keep telling her how you feel, explain to her what you went through and maybe she will be able to accept you for what you are now, not what you have been.
Tell her if you wrong her again that she can leave you freely. Until then ask her to stay and try to fall in love with you again. The insecurity and anxiety you feel is a good thing. It will keep you from being that bitter jerk.
I think you need to be in counseling to get all this on a more even level. You are up and down. She is looking for a constant middle road. You may have changed, but she needs to know that will stay constant and that will take time.
You need to be in counseling to help you keep it on this level ground or you will get impatient and then the jerk will start coming out again.
first off loose the insecurity. that is really unattractive. women whether they have been with you for 10 years or 10 min like a man that is strong it shows stability. i dont think you are headed for devastation you do have a common ground and that is your little girl. if you want her for the rest of her life it has to be done by showing her not telling her. think back to what made her fall in love with you in the beginning and try to do the same and for Pete’s sake dont ask her figure it out. do anything and everything you can and if it has been 10 years then it will take more than 3 weeks to fix. be patient and dont push her she will come around to you.
Keep doing what you are doing. Also read this book "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner Davis..It will give you more ideas and insights. I really wish you luck and be constant. It’s hard, but it can be done. I have done it!
Anything is possible. You might win lotto one day too.
my husband has thrown words which no wife will want to hear. I say i hate him etc.. but i still accept him back.
Its love.
Just dont repeat your mistakes. And by you saying I am sorry even once to her for all that you have said and done will make a big difference.
I wish you all the best.
Can she fall back in love with you? Absolutely. Is she willing to risk her heart again? That is something only she can answer. Honestly, if you were a complete jerk for 10 years it probrably is a bit much to expect her to see the new you after only 3 weeks.
Talk to her, tell her that you realize that you have been a jerk for all this time, but that you want to make it work and you are willing to change (walk the walk, not just talk the talk). Actions speak more than words in this case, but you have to let her know that you are trying.
However, I have to give you the no bs answer here: It is probrably too late for anything right now, the best you can hope for is it to work out down the road, but what you have to prepare yourself for is that she has been hurt so bad, that she wants nothing to do with you. Sorry and best of luck.
If you have been hurtful to her for a long time you cant expect her to believe that you have changed all in the space of a few weeks… even if you actually have. She will no doubt have a lot of pent up resentment.
If you are serious maybe just give it time. You also need to acknowledge and deal with the reasons as to why you said those things to her because if you do win her back or even if you get into a new relationship you will slip back into old patterns when stressful situations arise.
You could also suggest something to her like couples counseling. Good luck, I hope you work it out!
Anything is possible with time. If you have been behaving this way for a long time then it will take more than 3 weeks to change yourself and your relationship. I applaud that you have seen the error of your ways and begun the change, but perhaps your wife needs more time to see that change within you. Maybe you could bring in a third party (a professional) who you can both go and talk to – that way you can show her that you are serious about the changes you are making, and you can both talk through the problems you have had in the past. She obviously has not forgotten the way you have behanved to her in the past, and it will take longer than three weeks to undo all the hurt she obviously feels. Give her time! Good luck!
You’re a complete mess and your wife knows it. Don’t be surprised if she’s not enjoying the "new and improved" you as much as you think she is.
While I applaud your effort to try and be a better man, it may be that it is too little too late in her eyes. The only thing that I can say is to keep trying and keep being a better person. She may or may not decide that she loves you and wants to stay. If she doesn’t, then as much as you love her and as much as you do not want to, you will have to let her go. Maybe a seperation will make her have a change of heart and she will want to rekindle the love that she and you had.
Well it took 10 years for it to get like this. You can just be good for three weeks and fix it. Just keep trying. Pretty soon she may see that you are for real and come around. Good Luck.
The question you have to ask yourself is, "am I doing this to save my marriage?" People go to the extremes when the fear of losing someone comes into play… She loves what you are expressing. However, she knows all too well that this can change without a moments notice. Sometimes, it’s just too late. The heart cannot take anymore. I agree with the person who said, let her go… The best way to see if she will fall back in love with you is to give her space, then ask her on a date. Take the baby steps just like back in the beginning. If you are worthy of her love she will watch your actions…
My now exhusband was exactly like you. We had been married 15.5 yrs 2 kids…Unfortunately, (while separated) I said, "date me", he took this as if we were dating although he never called, never took me out, never made any attempt to date me. My counselor was stunned that I made this statement, & couldn’t wait for my visits to see what the progress was. After 2 wks of NOTHING, I said I was finished. My husband was "shocked" he was so mad at me, he said, "I was busy! I didn’t have time to call you or take you out…" Imagine my counselor’s surprise. He was like, here is this man’s one opportunity to get back what he said was the most important thing in his life, his marriage. His one chance, & he did nothing?? WOW! I think he then understood on a different level the selfishness of some people.
You can change, only if you really want to. But you cannot do it for anyone but yourself! Regardless of whether you all work out or not, at least you will go forward in your life "a-new"!
She might fall back in love with you but it might be too late. If she decides to leave, you should let her go, she might return after seeing what life is like. If you have put her through a lot then it might have killed her inside and she might need to have a separation to see how she feels about you and if she wants to work things out. My first husband was not emotionally attached to me. He was my high school sweet heart and a year after our second child, 10 years into our relationship I decided to leave him, that is when he decided to change. We went to counselors and he decided to join a church. It changed him but I wasn’t into the church lifestyle, so I filed for the divorce. Now he is a changed man but I don’t regret leaving him, the in the 10 yrs we grew apart and it was too late for us. Let her have her space now and see what happens. It could also me a new start for you.
Keep doing what you are doing. You need to have a deep conversation where you beg her for forgiveness, and ask her to give you another chance. It is a good sign that she is enjoying your changed behavior and is maybe afraid you will revert to your old ways. Staying together would be better for your daughter. Making love more can also deepen your relationship. Good luck!
My husband cheated on me and i am in the same boat but mutually backwards, I asked for him back on christmas eve and he has said nothing since. I’m not sure i want him back i just dont want our kids to grow up and be that way. To think its ok to do that to people and get away with it. I feel your pain in the words you wrote. I know that pain. I just wish we didn’t have to screw things up all the time. I’m not even the one who cheated but i know i’ve made some mistakes. The only advice i can give you is if she don’t want you back now she might later. My x is engaged, i have limited time. But you could have years. Take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want. Then nomatter what it is go for it, and dont stop unless she files a restraining order,lol. if that dont work, back off a bit and when you stop let her know that you will wait and that you love her but it hurts too much to be shut down so much, she may miss the attention and suddenly want you back. If that don’t work, work one over on her friends and family to make you look like your really sincere, that will make it harder for her to say no, especially when it comes to blood relatives. Last but not least,,,, DONT USE YOUR DAUGHTER!!!! look online for the rules of divorcing with children and follow them, you will regret it if you don’t. I’m sure my x will someday, he plays dirty withy the kids all the time. Good luck and i’ll be praying for you
hmmmmm…so typical in relationships. We always take for granted what we have, until we think we are losing it. Did you ever stop to think that she probably wouldn’t even consider leaving if you had treated her throughout your marriage as you are right now?
My advice to you is to woo your wife as you did when you first met. Tell her you see your mistakes and that you are a changed man. Apologize for all the years of neglect and ask for her forgiveness, but don’t push her. Give her time. Ask her to postpone your separation for 3 or 6 months (whatever she will agree to). Tell her that if she stays just a little longer you will prove to her that things will be different and show her what the rest of her life with you will be like. What is 6 more months in a 10 year marriage? Romance is the key to a happy relationship. It keeps the fire alive. Get the book " 1001 ways to be romantic". It has great ideas in it to show the one you love how much you care. There are soooooooooooo many ‘little’ things you can do to say I love you…..open doors for her, leave a note on her pillow, in her car, or in a drawer; leave a single rose with a note for her to find, fix dinner once a week, help with the chores, have a ‘date’ night each week, take her on vacation at least once a year (a cruise?), write her a song, write her a poem, etc. Don’t bombard her with overtures and gestures every single day it would lessen the sincerity and specialness of what you are trying to do…..just make her your 1# priority by loving her, respecting her, and appreciating who she is and what she has done for you.
It will take ALOT of time to win her back. She is probably resentful and hurt, but if she still loves you…there is hope.
I am glad you have finally seen the light. Life is soooo busy and chaotic that we sometimes lose sight of what is really important to us. I truly wish you the best in your marriage.
Good luck and God bless!!!
Wow! Will you marry me? Just kidding, anyway, I think it,s so amazing how you have made such a huge change, you sound like a great guy, & If I can figure this out without ever meeting you or spending anytime with you, Im sure your wife is very much aware of what a good man you are, & in turn she most likely wont want to lose a good thing, but do understand, women are weird, I know this first hand, as I am a woman with many friends & have been thru two marriages, so with that said, I feel I can tell ya that somtimes women would prefer to be the dominate ones in the relationship, your wife is rolling her eyes only because she is disgusted & angry with you , chances are high that she has played the co-dependent to you for many years now, & thats where she is most comfortable, so you need to find your place somewhere in the middle, stop being so nice, dont be mean, but dont follow her around like a lost puppy, women like a man to be a man, so just be patient & dont over do it, believe me, she knows you love her, now is the time to give her sometime to understand her place in the marriage, do be respectful & do be nice, but dont go overboard as she may see this as weak, you know its weird, but I,ve seen friends of mine who are smart, educated, pretty, goodhearted & fun, who could get any man they want & what do they do? They hook up with the bad-boy type? So be a little of both, be a bad-boy but also be respectful, & I think that you will find your wife coming around again. I WIsh You The Best !
My friend, the thing you need to realize is that you cannot make someone fall in love with you again, in the same way you cannot force someone to fall in love with you in the first place. The following are things you can do though to maximize your chances
1) Despite your hurt, realize you do not NEED your wife. You may now be in love with her again, but that is an emotion. People die and their partners grieve but they still survive. We may feel miserable without our loved one, but we do not NEED them for survival. I say this only to get you in the right frame of mind. If you detach yourself a bit, you will not seem desperate. Even if you are not doing anything obvious, if you are walking around feeling this stressed out, you come across as needy, and this cuts off attraction, even in long term relationships.
2) For one final time, say to your wife calmly, without crying or looking desperate "I am sorry for the hurt I have caused you, and I mean it". Do not keep saying you are sorry beyond that, and do not act like a puppy. Be a sincere partner, and help her if you can with things, but also do not overcompensate to make up for wrong doings. That too puts you in a bad light. All you can do is once and for all express your regret, and then leave it. You can do no more. If you do everything she asks then you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.
3) Go on with your life and act happy. Find your own interests. Be cheerful with her and joke. Do not show yourself to be miserable. The more strong and confident you appear, the more attractive you will become again.
The bottom line is that if she is not happy and has already set in her mind to end things, there is nothing you can do about it.
Your job is to show her a strong man who is willing to work things out. However, do not worry about the things you cannot control. You cannot control her heart. Just roll with it, and do what I have said above. Good luck.
This has been going on for 10 years and you just realized this when you’re about to lose her? Maybe she does still love you but has been so hurt by your words and the damage that they have caused that she can no longer allow herself to let her guard down. Maybe you robbed her of the person she once was before all the hurtful words you’ve said and she’s finally grown courage and self respect for herself and will not allow herself to crawl back into that shell you caused her to hide in. You should be changing because you want to for yourself and not for her. I’m sure she’s having a hard time believing that the person you have been for 10 years has all of a sudden become a new person. Make those changes and be consistent and maybe she’ll come back to you one day. If she doesn’t, then learn from those mistakes and be a better person for your next relationship. You’ll never experience a true and loving relationship with anyone unless you have trust, love and respect to offer. You have a lot of damage to your wife and your daughter to undo. By your daughter growing up in this environment she sees this as "normal" and will carry this into her relationships with men as she grows up. This isn’t something that you can accomplish on your own…get some professional help. Sometimes men see asking for help as a weakness…but I see ignoring the fact that you need it as a weakness.