Men, if you tell your wife not to see someone (a man) and they do any way, would you say she's unfaithful?
Let’s say you told your wife or girlfriend not to speak or see someone (a man) and you gave your reasons why you don’t want her to be speaking to this man, but she goes and does all this any way behind your back. Would you consider this cheating? If not, what would this be considered to you? How would you feel and/ or how would react or think you would react (if you found out on your own/by someone else or if she told you)?
Please let me know anything you want to say about this. It’s okay if it doesn’t answer the questions above. Any comments related to this matter are accepted and appreciated.
It would be a big help. I need a man’s point of view to know the amount of trouble I’m in or what I should be expecting if he finds out. Or just how you all feel about it.
Thank you so much!
xox,
Pixie
P.S. I know I already post this question, but I had it under the category Singles & Dating (accident). I only got two answers and would like more than that to really help me out.
Women are more than welcome to give their opinion on this subject matter, as well. =)
I happen to really like this man and enjoy spending time with him. I always seem to have the urge to see or speak to him. I can’t help it!
Why he told me not to see him:
He told me not to see him because this guy has wanted to ‘get with me’ for a while now. We happen to be friends, but a couple of months ago, he told my husband that he wants to be with me. He may have also said that he ‘won’t rest’ until he manages to sleep with me. That probably sounds really bad, but it’s not really… Him and my husband have had prior conflicts before this.
What gives my husband the RIGHT to tell me who I can and cannot see? I know he told my husband that he won’t rest until he sleeps with me, but him telling me to cut off contact with this guy just shows that he DOES NOT trust me. I’ve never done anything for him to think that I’d turn around and have sex with another guy. I am NOT my husband property.
Apparently this is more serious than I thought, judging by some of the comments. =S
Related Information:
Tagged with: amp • Cheating • conflicts • Dating • girlfriend • M 105 • point of view • sleep • spending time • subject matter • two answers • urge
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Ok you may have gotten yourself in some big trouble. You may not have been cheating but how is he supposed to know. He asked you to do one thing and you were not honorable enough to consider and respect his wishes. Unfaithful…maybe, untrustworthy…definately is seeing this man worth creating doubt in your marriage
She’d definitely be losing more and more trust continuously seeing him. It could be a kind of cheating, if say, you’re spending more time talking with him than you do your husband. One thing I know for sure, the guy sure sounds like poison for your relationship.
Oh is that all? I thought he was just your friend and not just HIS ENEMY. Why don’t you go ahead and just sleep with him and get ready for the divorce.
Why did he tell you not to see this guy. Do you have past with this person? I presonaly cannot imagine ever telling my girlfriend to not have a friend that is male. If that is all it is, a friendship. Unless you are actually considering, or are having a relationship with this guy I don’t think it would be considered cheating. But once again why did your husband tell you not to see the guy?
Well if the dude actually told your husband that he wants to sleep with you and wont rest until he does then I can’t blame your husband. I’m surprised he didn’t kick the dude’s a_ _ right then and there. And if that is the case then I would say yes, whiel if you have not actually had sex the dude wants to, and you know it so then you are probably l;iking the fact that this man wants you and that is probably why you keep going around him. Maybe you want him. If that is case quit violating your husbands trust, and think of the pain you are or will be causing him. And if you just can’t stay away from this dude then the best might just be to make break from your husband. Your husband would probably be better off in the long run.
i would feel hurt…. thats betraying trust, even if its not cheating.
i would be very upset.
My first reaction is what are you doing with another man? Your married!!! You took the vows. Honor your husband. He obviously does not approve of your seeing this other person and for you to sneak around behind his back shows you do not respect him at all.
How do you think affairs start?!? If you were with me and did this I would loose all trust in you as I think most guys would.
How can you be so deceitful to someone you promised to Love & Respect??
It is cheating. you do not have to be having sex to be cheating. if you are spending time with some one other than your husband that should be spent with him then it is cheating. Basically if you have to lie about it then you are cheating. If it was not wrong then you would not have to worry about being dishonest. How would you feel if you told him not to talk to a female "friend", but then he went behind your back to see her??? this is the double standard that most people have today. You are in a relationship where his opinions and feelings should be just as important as yours. that means if what you are doing is lying and sneaking around then you are putting him last or just not caring at all. this is the kind of thing that could cost you your marriage. You have to ask yourself "why is it more important to see this other guy than to be faithfull and honest to my husband?".
as far as how I would react to finding out that depends on if i found out from her or from some one else. she would have a better chance of me listening if it came from her than from some one else. something very similar happened to me and my wife not too long ago and it came very close to a divorce.
Wife vs girlfriend affects how important this is. A wife would be more serious, since the potential consequences are more serious.
You don’t say anything about the reasons given. I wish you would. They might be unreasonable, or might be very reasonable. This determines the badness to some extent. As long as he’s not trying to isolate you from all your guy friends I would give some consideration to his request. It also depends on your intentions. Did you sneak because you thought your SO’s request was unreasonable, or because you were thinking about doing something Bad? The latter would be pretty dangerous territory.
The sneaking around itself is dishonest, definitely not good. It is not cheating per se unless something physical happened. Were you two alone for a period of time? Have you given your man reason to distrust you before now?
It’d be better if she told me than to find out some other way, especially if she intended not to do it again, in which case I would probably forgive after a little while. Or maybe your guy is overly jealous and you two just need to come to a different understanding. If I found out on my own, I’d be pretty pissed, and would think you had something to hide.
Addendum: after reading your additional info:
That ‘s a really good reason. You need to stop seeing this guy. Period. Turn this around. What would happen if he were doing this to you? How would you feel? And please don’t give that !@#$ing weak "I can’t help it" excuse. What a damn cop-out. If your man said that to you, you would probably threaten to cut off his balls so that he could start "helping it."
not really till you get caught seems he thinks you have or are going to out.smart him ok
Well, I’m in the same boat as Husband who gave his wife a similiar ultimatum. Yes you are in big trouble!!! But let me explain my feelings on why he asked you not to see him. He could have said 100 things, but instead of focusing on the past, he forgave you in a way. Maybe he wasn’t sure, maybe he belived you, maybe his only concern is that he loves you and your continued involvement with this other guy is bothering him. He’s right to be bothered as you would be. He has a right to be concerned.
But most importantly he didn’t tell focus on the past. He wants a better future for the two of you and can’t do this without your cooperation. Evidently you agreed. Which is very good, as refusing would have been a terrible message. Imagine saying, (forget about the past) just stop seeing or doing certain things with this girl, and having your husband say, no, I’ll do what I want and you better learn to live with it.
So you agreed to stop. But now that he shared with you what he expects, he’s considering this moment as a type of probation, or a test, as test to see if you can honor his wishes, and if you don’t he’ll take that as a sign that you are cheating (maybe), but definetly that you don’t care about his wishes on such an important issue. He’ll see your actions as a message, "let me do what I want, because I’d rather be with that guy than you". Cheating, screwing, kissing, just talking, none of it matters, only the message you send back.
Yes he will likely divorce you because he has been desperate or sensative enough to give you a chance to prove you love him more than this other guy and you made a choice that he will read as "loud and clear". I’ll check back to see if you have any special questions for me…
If you love your husband and you want your relationship to work, go ahead and romance him and make up with him because I’m sure there are other issues going on. You know what he likes. If he pushes you away just give him time as he may have many hurt feelings. Should you tell him about seeing this guy? Maybe, I don’t know for sure. It probably doesn’t matter how he learns about this, but if there is a good explanation that you can explain you can get your evidence and talk to him about it.
I’d try a short vacation, and if he doesn’t want to come just say, "we’ll I’m going to X location for Y reason", and book a trip for two, he’ll come. Make sure it’s refundable in case something surprising happens.
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You asked what gives your husband the right to decide what you do, and more importantly is his wish a sign that he does not trust you?
Well, you’re husband asked, told or pleaded, but the point is that he communicated a wish on a very serious issue that makes him feel uncomfortable. He is probably thinking, like I did that if you had a choice between a "friend" who means "nothing special to you", and your "husband" whom you "love and honor", then you should feel comfortable not seeing him. So this is like a test, and maybe this is a ultimatum.
As for trust, he’s not asking you not to see him because he doesn’t trust you. He’s asking you to make a choice. He may not be sure if your cheating, and there is probably a voice inside that says you are not. Maybe inside he’s sure you’re not cheating. But the problem is that this is bothering him, and making him feel bad (or jealous, or insecure), and he simply wants to remove this problem by asking you to stop seeing a person whom you claim is merely a friend.
Should you do what he wants? Well, in a marriage sometimes you both should listen to eachother on key topics. This is a sensative situation, and unless he’s always telling you who you can and cannot see, then if it happens once and he’s been good enough to explain why he feels uncomfortable, then you should listen. But hey, the point is that you didn’t!!! You can try listening now and hope that he doesn’t find out!
So right now you’re cocern is what will he do. Well if in a similar situation I would perceive your decision to choose this guy over me as a message that you don’t love me. I would think: "even if she’s not cheating with him, it doesn’t matte. All the worst that she would risk and throw away her marriage to me for a friend when I took the time to explain how I felt". So no matter what he thinks about you cheating, it really doesn’t matter, he’s just thinking that you don’t care about his feelings (at the least).
What would I do. Well this isn’t you’re only problem, but it’s the only one I know of. So I would, as the husband, consider all the problems we’re having, and add this as another slap in my face on my list of reasons to leave you. Men who take the time to communicate feelings, tend to focus when they are insulted like this, so chances are he’s been seriosly making a plan. He will also strongly consider positives you do. Do you show him love, affection, or do anything good to him? Are you trying to save your relationship he will ask himself or are you indifferent towards him? This decision couples with the answers to these other questions will help him make a decision.
no she is horny unsatisfiable female.
It’s cheating. And he’s perfectly justified in being upset over it. There does not have to be anything overtly sexual for her behavior to be considered unacceptable.
It sounds like you don’t have a lot of respect for your husband. At this point you are already putting another man in front of your husband, not necessarily by going against your husbands wishes but by wanting to and seeing another man whom you said intends to sleep with you. YOU have already put yourself in a situation that will more than likely end with problems between you and your husband, and if you continue down this road you will probably end up cheating on your husband. "But it feels good to get all of this attention from this man." Get over it and make the right choice for the right reasons.
Yes, this sounds like you are being unfaithful, or at least that’s where it is heading.
Marriage is about fidelity. You are spending time with a man who stated intention is to get in your pants. You are already cheating on your husband, you just haven’t finished the deed (Yet!)
What’s worse, you’ve talked to your husband and he told you where he stands on the issue. In stead of being honest with him, you saw this guy behind his back. There is only one reason for you to see this other guy, and that’s to cheat on your husband.
If I was your husband and I found out, I’d throw you out whether you actually slept with the other guy or not. Trust is the most important issue in a marriage and you just broke it. After that, there isn’t anything left to build on.
The answer to your question is yes, you are in a lot of trouble.
I think you should respect his wises, its not about \’controlling\’ you, or \’owning\’ you. Its hurting him to see you being friends with the guy that CLEARLY wants to sleep with you, its not even about suspicion. You maybe just enjoy the thought of the guy wanting to do that, giving you confidence in yourself, but its very selfish. If you love your husband, stop hurting him.