how do i fall back in love with my husband after he has lied to me?
i desperatley want to know how to find that spark my husband and I once had, he lied to me about texting a friend of mine which was innocent on his side because all he asked her was where was she, i saw the text..but she thought it was more and accused him of wanting to sleep with her..later my friends and I found out she was the one who actually had the crush on him and tried to break us up so she could have him.., i accept that he made a mistake but i cant move on not knowing if he will ever lie to me again..and i hate myself for allowing this person to come between my partner and I. I feel sick and want to vomit thinking if she ever tried to make a move on him and he never has told me, basically im having a hard time believing whats true and whats not??? i know i could never know if it would happen but i really really want to go back to the way we were, free spirits in love and happy around our kids..I need to stop bringing it up, and he is sooo over hearing it and doesnt want to deal with it anymore, but i feel like IM the one picking up the pieces of whats happend…
most importantly need to learn to forgive..how can someone do that!
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Tagged with: cant move • free spirits • happend • hard time • love • mistake • picking up the pieces • sleep • Vomit
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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What bothers me is the excuses you are making for him. He lied. It was not innocent or he would of been up front. If one of his friends texted you, you would of told him before replying right? He owes you to prove himself to you now. It takes years to build trust but seconds to destroy it. It is tearing your heart apart. its his job to fix this, he broke it, not you. So now he needs to make you believe he is sorry, make you trust him , and give you reasons. Its up to him sweetie. You cant take that on yourself. But he is right too, if you decided to forgive then its up to you to quit throwing it in his face. Its going to take time to heal. If it torments you, test him. Think of a way. your smart.
Rent the movie fireproof. Watch it together. Talk about it.
explore these websites:
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com
http://www.signs-of-a-cheater.com
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php
good luck hon. Youll figure it all out and youlll be ok. Its going to take time. Time that depends alot on how hard he is willing to work too.
Start a date night once a week too. It doesnt have to cost money….it can be as simple as going for walks together.
the only way you can do is you have to do therapits and i am not sure if you can be learned to love him its very hard once you cannot trust them.
It’s very hard to do. Early in our relationship my husband lied about a lot of things, most of them insignificant little things but it still bothered me because the fact was he LIED. You need to reflect on how things were before and decide if you want to try and get back to that point. It sounds like you should; I totally identify with the fact that you feel betrayed and confused, I’ve been there. But you need to step back and evaluate the situation…truth is he could’ve lied about something worse. I think if he actually had been doing something worse you would’ve found out about it by now. Have a heart to heart with him and let him know you realize that he’s "over it" but you’re having a hard time, can he understand that, will he help you move past it? Good luck!
You need to go to counseling and get it all out on the table and learn how to deal with the problem so it doesn’t continue to eat you up and mess up your relationship.
You need to forgive, get over it or something. But, if you fell out of love with him because he lied to you, then you probably didn’t love him to begin with. One lie shouldn’t have made you fall out of love.
Well, first I don’t think you are trying to fall back in love with him, you are trying to find out how to trust him again. I think deep down you know he may have been a little bit more at fault than you are admitting to. I can tell by what is not said. He didn’t just text her to ask where she was for no reason. I think you need to ask yourself whats really true and if you knew could you get over it and move on. Then drop it if you want it to work. You will never trust him again, and he can’t earn that trust back as long as you keep bringing it up. You have to truly forgive and move forward.
Try couples counsoling, it really helps if you both want to work on the relationship.