What's the magic number???
I have a son son who is eleven months old. I missed out on alot in pregnancy and birth due to his extreme prematurity. I *think* I would like to have more children, but I’m scared about another preemie. I also worry that I would be having another child to try to "make up" for what we missed. So I have weighed the pros and cons of having more children very hard. I always thought I wanted lots of kids…but…being a mom is hard work and I want to make sure I do it right everytime, and I can’t be a SAHM forever, I went to college to work doing what I love. I worry about my son being an only child too…is that fair to him??? Oh geeze..I’m rambling again. My question is, in your opinion, what is the perfect number of children to have? Please don’t answer unless you are willing to say why you think your answer is correct, a simple number doesn’t help me process this. Thanks all.
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Tagged with: alot • extreme prematurity • Magic 97 • Magic Number • mom • perfect number • preemie • pregnancy • pregnancy and birth • pros and cons • sahm • Simpl • worry
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I had one pre-termer, and I thought that was it. The experience was nothing compared to yours — but I didn’t want to go through that again.
And then Thing 2 fell from the sky and into my womb.
And it turns out that two kids, for me, is perfect. I’m a single SAHM at the moment, and I can say for certain that both my and my older son’s lives are better for having a second child in the house. I have a lovely little family.
BUT … I was also very happy with my (formerly) one and only and was perfectly content to raise an only child (although I did have a lot of the same questions you did, including those feelings of having "missed out" on part of my pregnancy). I am certain now, too, that my body isn’t made to carry babies to term, and I won’t take that risk ever again.
Anyway. None of us can tell you what to do. Obviously, you’re thinking about this pretty deeply, and that’s good. The questions I would ask are: Do you know why your son came so early, and is it something you may be able to prevent or better prepare for? Are you willing and able to provide that level of care for a second infant if you have to? Do you want another baby because you need to fix something in yourself, or because you think it’s best for your family? How much longer are you willing to sacrifice your own goals and aspirations for those of your children? (I know that sounds awful, but you are both a mom and a successful woman. It’s OK to think of your own needs once in a while — especially if you think you might come to resent your kids if you don’t follow your own dreams.) How might your son handle a sibling?
And remember — we can plan and plan and plan, but sometimes, we simply wind up with whatever it is that we never knew was exactly what we always wanted.
My husband and I feel that two children is the right number for us, and they will be 18 months apart. We have been living very minimally in order for me to be a stay at home mom, and we plan for me to resume my career when the children are in school. That is why it made sense to have them close together. Also we hope they will be playmates (and eventually good friends as adults).
If money were not an issue, I would like to have two children close together now, and then have two more children in another 10 years. This way they all have playmates and we get to have two "shifts" of baby years.
i think 2 is a good number of kids.
my mom and me and my older bro…i think when someone has 3 children you cant spend enough time with all of them…dont get me wrong with the moms who have more then 2 children im just saying as an opinion…but when you have 2 you and the father can spend time with each of the children and not have any left out….
totally up to you, some people are ready to have kids and be a mom some arent I have one and thats plenty for us, I work full time as a nurse in post partum /peds so I can say no more , we took care of it,
can you afford another one?
are the risks health wise for you good?
sahm moms are awesome but is it what you want and your husband to do to raise another child. do you want a sibling for your son. there are risks in having a child premature but then there is a chance that you wont and he will be on time and healthy as well. I dont think there are no perect numbers because some women have 13 and some have 3 and they are just as happy and the one like me who have only 1.
For me, 3. I’m not entirely sure why, and we may not make it there (we just have 1 right now), but it’s what feels right for me.
My uncle-in-law also tells everybody that you should have at least 3, and I’ll give you his reasoning… An only has too much pressure, if you have 2 then if (God forbid) something were to happen to one of them, the other would feel all alone, so 3 or more… it’s logical, in its own special little way. He also says it’s 1 for mom, 1 for dad, and another for good measure. Course, he has 6 or 7 kids, so… But he was an only child.
Anyways, you said something about rambling?
For me…its one child. I felt like my brother was "favored" growing up, and still do ( we are 25 and 27). I never wanted my daughter to feel that way. Plus…I can give her more of my time, and more of my self since I dont have to try and share myself with another child. I am completely fulfilled with just one child. I am sure others are not. But i think its a personal choice too. For me…its just one. Good luck to you hon.
well for me what i say is good is 2-3 i have 1 son and i would love to have 1 more…but no one on here can really tell you how many is a good amount cause everyone is different! i say do what you think is good, if you want another baby go for it:) theres no rush either give it time until you mind is made up:)
and i know what you mean when you say you feel like you missed out on the pregnancy my son was also premature! and i was loving being pregnant surprisingly!
I think the magic number is different for everyone. Some people are happy with one, and others with five. I have never met anyone who regretted having multiple children, and I’ve also met plenty of parents who are perfectly happy with one.
It sounds like you’re developing a good list of pros and cons.
The pros (so far) would be that you seem to desire more children, you would get to have a more positive pregnancy and birth experience, and your son would have a sibling to grow up with.
The cons (so far) are the fear of having another difficult pregnancy and birth, the amount of work involved in raising children, and your desire to have your own life again (which is a perfectly valid desire!!).
Your son is still very young, and I don’t think you should stress too much over this decision just yet. Give your body and soul a chance to completely heal from your first birth experience, parenting will get easier as your child gets older, and you may discover your life feels complete with just your son, or you may find that the desire for more children gets stronger. Either way, don’t let people pressure you into making a decision (cause I’m sure you know how everyone likes to tell you what you should be doing with your life!!). In the end, whatever choice you make will undoubtedly by the one that is best for your family.
I think 2 kids are enough. I have two boys and tied the tubes i’m happy with my 2 boys. I don’t know how any people can have over 2 kids.
I also think 2 is a good number if you don’t want to stay at home forever. Being an only child might have its advantages but your could would be missing out on a lot without siblings. I heard that it’s good to have the 2nd kid when the 1st one is at least 3 yrs, that way he is more capable of understanding the "we" concept, sharing, etc. It also gets a lot easier once your child is closer to 3, as he can and eager to do a lot by himself.
I’m sort of an only child. My mom got married when I was 10 and I ended up with 2 step brothers but they were 16 & 21 at the time and never felt like family. My mom gave birth to my half-sister when I was 12. I moved out of her house at 15. So we aren’t that close but we are working on it. My dad was moved in with a woman when I was 17, he eventually married her and is now divorcing her. She has two They were 15 and 12 when I was 17? We aren’t close though I am starting to keep in touch with one.
In my experience it is nice to have a sibling (the two step brothers together, and the two step-sisters together). Also I see my husband and his brother. My sister grew up with a large but mostly not there family. But for all that I think a big family is really nice and works well.
On the other hand I have two (26 month old and a 5 month old) and its HARD, very, very hard. But the original plan was at least 4.
In my experience 3 doesn’t work, at all! One is always left out, one is always the "bad" one or "dumb" one. I’ve yet to meet adults or older kids from a family with three that are planning on having more than one because they aren’t a fan of siblings. So its either 2 or 4! Hahahaha
Does that help in the slightest?
Well honestly I think that about 3 years would be okay. That would give you a chance to spend a lot of alone time with your child. (I have 9 mo old twins and this is my strategy) and also you wouldnt have a lot of young babies in the house. Your son and next child would be at a nice gap so that theyre not so far apart that when they get older they can’t communicate (my husband and his sister are 12 years apart) but he can help you out and feel like the older brother and actually hang out when they get older. The problem with a lot of older children is that when they have younger siblings they feel that they are being abandoned and that the younger child is getting more attention. That 3 year gap allows your son to know that he got personal attention for at least 3 years before the other baby came along. Just try to curb the jealousy that is bound to come early by letting your son know that he is your helper when it comes to the new baby. I hope that helps and thats just my opinion.
I think the perfect number of children is 2. You have 2 hands – one hand to hold each child, 2 breasts one breast to feed each child (if you choose to feed your first for longer) & 2 parents (hopefully) to more easily divide the attention for each child.
I think 6. I am a 21 year old mommy to a lovely 2 month old and am already ready to have more. Iol i’ll prolly change my mind when my son gets to his terrible 2′s and i have a little baby on the way, but as of right now i really want a big family. I saw a family with 13 children and one on the way and i thought it was so amazing because you see each kid past the 5th and think…wow if it weren’t for such dedicaated parents these kids wouldn’t even be here today. its amazing…the best gift in the world is the gift of life…a big family is great, but if its not for you its not for you. do what is right for YOUR family. hope this helped!
For my Husband & I it was always going to be 5.
We love big families, love kids, and couldn’t imagine it any other way. Now with 4 biological children of our own, and our Godson in our custody, we are thinking about number 6.
In saying this, my good friend A is only having 1 child, because that works for her & her Hubby.
Everyone is different, that is what makes a special.
There will never be a right number for everyone.
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I have three girls, and due to complications during the birth of the third, I cannot have any more. I always wanted 4 or 5, but it looks like 3 is going to be our magic number. I would never want an only child, because so much is life is learning how to deal with people, and who better to teach you that than a sibling?
The first two are 19 months apart, almost to the day. Truthfully, having them that close was awful for the first year. I had a young toddler and an infant. I was exhausted. But, after that first year, it got so much easier, and quickly. Now, those two are best friends, and really get along well (except when they’re fighting and trying to kill each other).
The plan was then to give an extra year between #2 and #3, and then have #4 quickly after #3 (having been through the horrors before, we knew we could handle it, since #2 was pretty much Linda Blair in the Exorcist, with the screaming and vomiting and all that). So, #3 is 2 years and 8 months younger than #2. The way it works out though #1 gets to start school this year, #2 goes in 2010, and #3 goes in 2012. I’ve always worked full time. We currently have a nanny, but she’s leaving us in June. Its what works for us.