we were together over 13 years since i was 17. we were married 11 of them. I come from a broken home my mother is married to an alcoholic that was abusive to her. My grandmother took me away from her when i was 10. but every time they would get into it. We would go get her and help her get away from him and then she would go back. This went on even until I was married with my own kids and own problems. Finally when i was 23 she moved in with us and i told her if she went back that I would never help her again because i couldn’t take it anymore. She went back less than 3 months later.
Well my relationship started at a time in my life that i was headed down the wrong path and at 17 i had my heart broken to many times falling for the wrong guys.
then me and my ex started dating and we were in separable. We married just a little over a year dating i got pregnant. Had my first son at 19. My ex always had a temper and would blow up even before we got married. he was really jealous. i couldn’t go do stuff with my friends unless he came.
He didn’t start drinking till after we got married. i was 7 months along.
We lived right down the road from his parents. So i got really close to them. Some verbal abuse and his drinking got worse over time he would push or just threaten me.
Time went on we had another son and it would get so bad that i would l leave and get away even if i had to sleep in my car. i debated on leaving for years. but he has a good paying job and anytime anything would happen i would go buy me something.
It wasn’t always bad we had a lot of good times too. I love him more than anything he was my world. His family was the family i never had.
But when things would happen no one ever knew cause i would pretend we were a perfect family because that’s all i ever wanted. then 3 years ago my dreams came true we found some land built us a new house.
but during the time of building our new house he had started hanging around a guy that is a drug head and theif.
He would lie to me and go pick the guy up without my knowledge and put himself insituations that were he could have been killed.
Of course we would fight and pushing and shoving got worse with the verbal and emotional abuse. I would catch him in lies over and over.
one time went swimming with this guy with my kids after dark in a creek. He would never answer the phone and come to find out he was skinny dipping with 2 girls. But i stuck in there was getting my big new house.
Time we on the lies the fighting the drinking got worse. Finally after not even living in the new house i gave up. I found out he was selling pills and just hanging out with losers that don’t work and were single. i just started to hate him. So 6 more months went by just getting worse. I was going crazy cause I loved him so much and was begging him to change. Pick me or his drug loser friends. So finally Christmas morning in 2007 i refused to go to his family because of the fighting morning. I told his mother that i couldn’t handle the drinking anymore. Two nights later we went out with friends for drinks and met another man.
well now it’s been 1 1/2 later. I’ve divorced him. but i keep going back in forth between my ex husband and ex boyfriend. I love them both in different ways, they have both now physically and mentally abused me. But my ex boyfriend has went to counseling and still talks to a pastor. My ex still drinks as always and even now has started cussing my kids. But I still Love him!!! i wish everything could work but i can’t take the lies and the verbal and physical abuse. i want to go back now! but not even 2 weeks ago he choked me till i almost past out!
he doesn’t spend much time with my kids but he is trying.
My ex boyfriends worships the ground i walk on!! He loves my kids and they love him. What should i do go back to there dad? Get back with my ex boyfriend. Just confused please HELP!!!
Plus all my so called friends love my ex husband since they know as the great couple lol but they go back and tell him what i’m doing. so i have no friends to turn to… thanks


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