Am I in a healthy relationship, or should I break up with him?
I love my boyfriend very much. He is sweet to me and treats me so great. Sometimes I feel though that it is fake. Like he doesn’t know how to deal with me other than being sugary sweet. We have been together since the end of our senior year of high school, almost 4 years ago. He isn’t motivated towards life really though, and he often lets an immature side of him take over. He gets MAD about the silliest things sometimes, and it really really gets on my nerves.
I am an outdoor person who grew up in the country and he is from a big suburb. The older we get, the more apparent these things are. He isn’t interested in spending the day at the lake and I always want to go. We don’t share as many common interests as we used to. He likes to listen to old rock and roll, and I like that too, but if I bring any electronic music home, he never wants to listen to it or if we do, he picks it apart because it isn’t hard enough. He is a great musician and dreams of making that his career, but he doesn’t take any active steps towards it.
He has a warrant for not having insurance or registration or inspection and couldn’t pay the ticket. His parents offered to pay it all for him in exchange for him coming out and helping them fix up their new house, and he won’t do it. I have to cart him around everywhere. If I really cared about him deep inside, wouldn’t I feel more patience for him? I am confused as to why I get mad about these things. I try to help him, but he won’t fully accept it. I guess he is lazy?
He and I have lived together the whole time we have been together. There have been a couple of times were he betrayed my trust with a couple of other girls in the beginning of our relationship, and I simply can’t let that go. I don’t think he actually like slept with them, but there was still emotional cheating and him sneaking behind my back that hurt me so badly.
When we argue or have serious talks, sometimes I bring those times up because they still eat away at me inside and he gets mad at me and says that I am bringing up old stuff that isn’t relevant anymore. That it is old news. It shouldn’t matter anymore because so much time has passed.
He doesn’t know this, but I thought that if I did what he did to me behind his back, that I would feel even and better about it. I don’t. Now I feel like I have ruined the relationship on my end, and he has no idea I flirted over text with an ex for a while. The ex and I met up, but I just didn’t want to take it further in real life, so I didn’t.
Can I have a normal relationship with him ever again now that we both have emotionally betrayed each other? He is so perfect for me in so many ways, but I feel like there is a silent black cloud lingering overhead constantly. We’re only 21. Should I end this relationship and start from scratch with another man? Should I try to stick it out with my boyfriend and see if time indeed does heal wounds?
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Tagged with: common interests • dreams • electronic music • emotional cheating • girls • Healthy Break • Healthy Relationship • insurance • love • musician • nerves • outdoor person • parents • patience • relationship • rock and roll • senior year • suburb • warrant • whole time
Filed under: Breaking Up Tips
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You just answered your own question: "and I simply can’t let that go" . There is no way you are going to forget or forgive what he has done to you and that is simply going to hurt you all over again every time to get reminded of it. So either, you have to LET IT GO and start all over again, OR just know that you can never let it go and you should move on. However you also need to think about the fact that he has done it in the past and nothing can stop him from doing them again. You know what they say, once a cheater always a cheater. So the decision is yours….
Ok lets see first of all if you want it to work you have to let go of the past (trust me been there done that) if you said you forgive him for it and keep bringing it up then you will never get anywhere secondly i have a brother like this my brother has 5 tickets 3 warrants, does not like to work cant hold a steady job, rely’s on everyone else for money and he hasnt changed he has had those tickets for 3 years now and nothing he does not care to have them taken care of so I would put my foot down either he straighten up or you need to move on and find someone to compliment you not someone who you have absolutely nothing in common with. trust me there are so many more ppl out there
Relationships shouldn’t be that frustrating and you already have a list in your mind of what you would like for yourself and what you can comfortably tolerate. With that all on the table I think you would be wise to move on. Good luck
You say he is "perfect for you in so many ways" yet you do not list or mention any of them.
It seems like you do have a long list of his negatives.
It sounds to me like you need to move on.
Besides do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you have been with since you were 17? I personally would not.
You need to get out there and date and experiment.
Wow, that is a lot to deal with. I think your biggest issues though in terms of this relationship continuing is his lack of work and refusal to at least compromise on doing stuff that you enjoy but he doesn’t. A real relationship is about compromise. Not that you compromise who you are but you compromise so that both sides can have happiness. Just because someone is right for you in many ways doesn’t mean they are the love of your life and the one you you are going to be with forever. I don’t think the emotional betrayal would be as big a deal if there weren’t all these other issues. I think you need to look at your life with him and ask yourself if this is the life you want to live for the next 30 years or more.
You have made no Vows yet. Leave him and be gone. Time to move on. Should you choose to stay, it will only get worse.
Acknowledge when it’s not right…leave and leave fast.
Your sexual body parts has done nothing to make this guy better so how can you? Answer me that?
yeah! you’re perfect for each other if you plan to become lazy, dependant and selfish.
Boyfriends are disposable. Four years is too long already. Get rid of him and move on to the next. You have the rest of your life to put up with a faulty man. Don’t self impose it.
I think you should let him go & I think you are just building your courage to do so. Not having trust in your partner will eventually kill your relationship and it sounds like you definitely have a few trust issues here.
I think you know what you want, you’re just afraid of change because it’s so uncertain. I get you, it’s always easier said than done. You’re so young, there is so much to learn about yourself and relationships and so many people out there! Don’t settle, it’s your life and you’ve only got one to live, make it worth it! Good luck to you.
Break up with him.
You don’t have much of anything in common, do you? Do you suppose there’s some other guy out there that you could enjoy things you like with?
Just exactly in what way is he so perfect for you?
If he doesn’t ever try to consider your feelings and want to make you happy with him then what’s the point. I would try to take a break from each other and see how you guys feel apart. Just pack your stuff before you tell him your leaving and have it in your car. Bring a friend and have her wait in the car for moral support. Tell him in short conversation that it seems that he will never change and his actions are hurting you and you need to leave until he figures out what he really wants. If was "the one" for you he would show it in a more loving way. Stand up for yourself and he will respect you. Good Luck!
just because you have been with someone for 4 yrs doesn’t mean you have to stay in the relationship. Women need to realize that they need to do what makes them happy. Once you are happy then you can get whatever whoever you want. You will be a better partner if you don’t have any bitterness towards them. Most people who date young and continue to date realize after time you don’t really have anything in common anymore. It’s the few high school sweethearts that actually get married and stay married. Do what makes you happy, although you don’t seem happy. You seem to want "more" out of this man, like simple motivation and he doesn’t seem to have any. I say you move on and live your life. Party, date lots of guys to figure out what you want, and be safe doing it. Dating is fun and anyone who says it isn’t is boring.
Sorry i didn’t read all of your question but the last line..(Should I try to stick it out with my boyfriend and see if time indeed does heal wounds?)… no.. dump him, hes a loser, u can do better.. Why waste your time when there r many more men to take his place..have a good day.