My husband is so messy! How do I make him help me clean?
So, I don’t want you to think I’m making excuses but I do KNOW that my husband’s mother raised him to be a slob. She never held him accountable or made him clean his room. She tells me stories about how bad it used to be and laughs and says "good luck!" I have tried pretty much everything I can think of. I just let it get so terrible sometimes because I’m the only one who will ever do anything about it. I spend my time cleaning it and then he just makes a big mess again. I mean…leaving his clothes on the floor. Piles of soda cans on his desk and then when that’s full it goes to the floor. Stains on the carpet because if he spills he doesn’t clean it up, stains on the couch, pieces of food on the floor if he drops some. I mean…I love him and he’s not a fat slob he’s actually very good looking lol but he is SO messy and lazy. What in God’s name do I do?! I’ve told him it depresses me to see the house like this…that is hurts my feelings he doesn’t help me…and he says he’ll help and does it once and then goes back to his old ways. Don’t tell me to hold out on sex. That’s stupid and I won’t. Give me some other help than that please. Thank you.
Oh and his excuse is that he works all week and I just go to school so I have more time than him but it’s bull shit. That’s the number one reason. He thinks I don’t do as much because school isn’t a job and I can’t convince him that it takes up just as much time as a full time job PLUS I work 2 days a week.
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Tagged with: bull shit • Carpet • clothes • couch • desk • excuse • fat slob • feelings • floor stains • full time job • god • good luck • laughs • lol • love • Messy • piles • soda cans
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You missed Housewife Class 101.
Conditioning your future husband. As you date him you start conditioning him to pick up and clean up after himself. This is the tough love section of dating. You both obviously missed this class. You have to push this on him early on to help out in housework.
I started early on with mine "Honey I need help folding these clothes" I just emptied the dryer out throwing them on the bed. As he gets up to help me start folding them. I go add another load in the wash and move on to the kitchen leaving him to fold all the clothes.
As I start rinsing the dishes people left in the sink to place them in the dishwasher. I go just enough time to let all the clothes get folded and before he decides to sit back down I ask him to please help me make the bed with the clean sheets WE just washed. It will be faster if he helps me out. I remind him the trash needs to be taken out and the cans need to go out tonight. He does and replaces the bag. I say, "Hon if you run the vacuum I will finish up loading all these dirty dishes into the dishwasher/and unloading it from last night". he does.
All those beer cans and glasses that start to form on the table near him….no problem he will soon stand up to leave and when he does you hand him those to take with him to the kitchen. He will look at you but you smile back at him….blow a kiss and say, "thank you darlin". after all they are HIS mess. Don’t let him leave empty handed. I learned this move as a young waitress, never walk back to the kitchen empty handed.
While he mowes the yard I wash the car. See if you push this on him and make him feel he is part of the household to keep the wheel turning in the house MAKE him involved rather than bitchin and belly aching about how he doesn’t do it. He will do it. Also if I want something done like fixing something like a towel rack in the bathroom I ask where the screwdriver is. He wants to know why well…..he feeds right into my desire to get it fixed. I tell him I am fixing the towel rack ….oh no he says I’ll take care of that. No I’ll do it honey it’s been broke a while now and I need it fixed now so I’ll do it. He won’t let me he now insists on fixing it. Oh ok …here’s the screwdriver dear….
He has to want to change himself.
It sounds like you knew what you were in for before you married him.
And you said you tried everything, so what is left?
Well….my boyfriend is the exact same way. We’ve lived together for 2 years, and I think he’s done dishes twice…after I’ve begged, lol. He’s very laid back, and he can go for weeks and weeks without picking up his clothes or cleaning up anything. I’ve been so frustrated that a few days ago I talked to my boss (an older man) about how him and his wife work out the chore situation, and he asked if I had ever actually sat him down and talked to him about it, and I thought about it, and i never have. Of course, I’ve asked, but we’ve never actually sat down and discussed it.
My advice to you is to have that talk. Sit down and tell him what you expect. If you want him to take out the trash and pick up his own clothes, then tell him that. Put a garbage can next to his desk and have 2 separate laundry baskets so that it’s pretty straight forward what you want him to do. Explain how much you need his help and that you can’t do it all by yourself. Hopefully this will help. I’ve found that if I just expect my boyfriend to help out, it never works. However, if you keep doing it all yourself, you’ll end up resenting him for never helping out.
people only treat you the way you let them treat you. Stop picking up after him, stop doing his washing, stop doing his dishes, stop cleaning up his spills. You are not his servant, you are his wife, and he knows for damn sure you are not his mother. This is about respect, obviously he has very little for what you do. Stop talking, don’t yell and nag, just don’t do it. If the house gets so filthy that you can’t live in it, move out, bingo, message sent loud and clear.
Good luck. My husband is kinda the same way. He use to be really bad like yours but I kinda got him trained after 7 yrs to a point, LOL. It takes time and it will never be perfect. If they were raised like that its hard to break.
I just refuse to do HIS laundry or clean his dishes for weeks if need be, and ignore the smell, and the stains, until one day he needs underwear and mentions it for a few days, and then he makes a big dramatic scene about coming down the stairs to the laundry room with a pile of his clothes and makes a statement about how "he is doing the laundry", and then makes comments about "it is such a pigstye in here", and no matter what you say nothing, and don’t inform him that the "pigstye" is his mess. After a few months of this, when he makes a bunch of big dramatic scenes about taking out some kitty litter like he just lived through a gas bomb and pretends he’s going to vomit and die, you say "thanks hun" then clean his stuff for him. Repeat as necessary.
my bf is the same. ive tried not cleaning up after him and it does not work. he doesnt see the mess, he got kicked out of his last apartment because it was full of dirty dishes, cloths and garbage. i stopped cleaning it for him and he got kicked out. we recently moved in to a new place and hes the same way. men are just disgusting all together