Am I wrong for ending my relationship with my mother?
I’m an 18 year old guy. Here’s the story…
During most of my young childhood, I had a wonderful, loving relationship with my mom. But then it seemed, over a fairly short amount of time, that we had grown extremely far apart. My parents had a trouble marriage. At one point my mom cheated on my dad and it got to the point that they were fighting and screaming at each other every night. Then when I was about 13 years old, my mom had a near death experience with a ruptured appendix. She said that God saved her. After that, she became extremely religious and changed in many ways from her old self. For example, she used to tell me there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, but now she says that homosexuals are an abomination. By that time, my mom had quit her job and instead got up every morning and read the bible. She went to a some kind of class, like a life-coach therapeutic class. Then she said that she started to remember things from her childhood, like her dad molesting her as a girl. I’ve talked to my uncles and my grandmother about it and they said that all they remember is that my grandfather did check to see if her "cherry was broken." She then got angry with every single person in her family and cut all ties with them, even though they seemed close. Finally my parents said that they were getting a divorce. But, my mom wanted custody of me and my brother. It was a lengthy, dreadful, and expensive divorce. What pushed me over the edge was when me and my mom got into a horrible fight. We were yelling at each other and she kept getting in my face and screaming at me because I said she was acting crazy. Then she said that maybe it’s me that’s crazy and just snapped and lost all control. I picked up a picture frame and slammed it down on a chair. Then I went into her room and destroyed everything I could find. She called the police, and they arrested me because a tiny shard of glass cut my mom’s leg from the picture frame. I was 15 years old. After that, we just stopped talking. She kept saying it was my fault that I went to jail. She wasn’t completely cold however. She would cry because I wouldn’t call her. But I just couldn’t take the hurt that she brought anymore. My dad got custody of me and all charges of domestic violence was dropped. I made a few attempts to see her, but she would talked about is how wonderful God and Jesus are. Now we don’t talk. I called her on Christmas but she didn’t answer. She lives a mile away from me, and it’s so sad. I don’t cry anymore and I have more or less moved on, but it just kills me because it almost feels like my mother is dead.
I’m sorry I ranted, but this is also just helping me get it off my chest. Do you think I am being a horrible son for not talking to her? What should I do?
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Tagged with: 13 years • abomination • amount of time • bible • dad • Death Experience • getting a divorce • god • grandmother • homosexuality • homosexuals • horrible fight • job • life coach • loving relationship • marriage • mom • near death experience • parents • picture frame • quot • ruptured appendix • shard of glass • therapeutic class • uncles
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You’re 18 and really still just a kid. At that age, it is absolutely NOT your responsibility to fix this relationship with your mother–it is HERS. However, if she is having health issues, you, as her son, should try to help her. In this case, it sounds as though her health issue is mental illness.
Try to talk to family members and see if they can convince her to seek mental help.
Other than that, some people are simply toxic to our lives. If this is the case….move on and leave her in the dust. Not all mothers are good people.
So sorry for your loss.
i understand that u guys have had a difficult relationship, but she is ur mother. u don’t want to regret not speaking or visiting her after she leaves this earth, u know? just try to mend ur relationship u dont wanna be left with could’ve, should’ve, would’ve and what if’s?
DONT FEEL GUILTY. B’CUZ U AT LEAST TRIED TO KALL HER ON CHRISTMAS AND SHE DIDNT ANSWER. DONT STRESS OVER IT IT’S NOT UR FAULT WHEN PEOPLE B’KUM RELIGIOUS DEY DO CHANGE ALOT IN A BAD WAY TO. I KNOW KUZ MA BIG SISTER CHANGED NOW DAT SHES RELIGIOUS. BUT ANYWAY MAKE MORE ATTEMPTS TO KALL HER AND IF SHE DONT ANSWER MOVE ON
i’m sure dat u should not talk 2 her!!!!!!!!!!!
My oldest daughter is one who is all in to church and has told me that I am going to hell cause I don’t go to church 3 times a week and give money to a church and such. I told her, "Well, I guess I will be in hell with the rest of my family and my other children so I won’t be alone and I will take her inheritance with me." She didn’t like hearing that. I also asked her how can she cast stones when she does do things that are not so godly and then say it is OK. I told her she needs to live by the ruled "do as I do" and not by the rule "do as I say and not as you see me do."
We have lost the closeness that we had. I just started to tell her if she wants to talk to me, keep all the "GOD" stuff to herself and her husband. I believe in God, and had a Jewish Priest tell me that my soul is not going to hell because of that, Jesus didn’t preach in church and she stops.
I have lost my mom 2 years ago. I went to bed and she woke me up at 3 am saying she was dizzy, and that was the last words she spoke to me, she had a massive stroke and died. I wish I had said more to her than I did and I regret that there are things I can’t tell her anymore.
You might be able to have somewhat of a relationship with her, just make your point that you believe what you believe and not to force it on you. Yes she did hurt you, but try to put it aside and try to get to know the person she has become. Born again christians cast hard stones at first and then they settle down when they figure out they can’t convert you to what they want and accept you for who you are.
Good Luck.
I am so sorry for you. It sounds to me like your mum is going through a pretty tough time. I think you should try and stay in touch, don’t push it too much, just let her know that you are there for her. The best advice I can give you is remember you only have one mother and try and remember all the good things she has done for you and forget the bad. You sound like a really nice young man who wants a loving relationship with his mother, don’t ever abandon her, she needs you more than she thinks and more than you know. Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
Having a Near Death Experience can give some experiencers a belief in God but when they get back from the other side they may substitute the God they met in heaven for the God of religion. Hopefully, she will remember the God of her NDE and abandon her judgmental religion’s hateful practices. God is love and the God of her religion mixes that God with another lesser God and the result is a bi-polar God who loves some and roasts others in hell. If you do see her, ask her if there was a hell in her NDE and who was in it? Try to forgive her for being religious but you don’t have to agree with her when she is being judgmental. I agree with the answerer above who said it is her move. In the mean time, it seems like God or none, you have a moral compass, so you are going to be alright with or without her. Walk in forgiveness if you can and know it takes two people to fight…