Long Question: Is my wife bored of me or is there something else going on?
Thank you in advance for reading my extra long question…
So my wife and I haven’t really had a great relationship in the first place. We met when we were 19 and started dating over pure lust and physical attraction for each other. We had some things in common but not really that much. No less than a few months of dating, we moved in with each other (mostly because we both needed a second chance at life because our childhoods sucked). Then a few months later she was pregnant with our first child (now have 2). So life was in the fast lane for us. Like many rushed relationships, we developed over time but it’s still developing and it’s been 8 years…
We kind of have this "power struggle" relationship. If I want something, I’ll nag her to do it until she does it. If she wants something, she’ll nag me until I do it. It’s a constant childish struggle to see how we can manipulate the other person to do something we want them to without doing anything in return for it… Again, very childish… Well until I stopped playing it…
See, I’m trying to better myself, I gained 60 lbs since I met her and I’m trying to work it off. She gained about the same but after the birth of our 2nd child she lost it all (damn women luck). So in the effort to try to better myself, I’ve been too busy dieting and working out that I don’t beg her to do stuff any more. I’m actually just trying to get to know her and see if we can FINALLY have common interests so that way when I come home from work I don’t have to be bored any more because I’m being ignored… She’s decided to watch movies alone, ones that she knows I wouldn’t sit down and watch with her (I can stomach romance movies but old 1920′s films with bad english accents is where I draw the line).
Since my wife would rather play on facebook, watch movies alone, and sleep than hang out with me do you think she’s getting bored of me since I’m not nagging her to dye her hair blonde any more or nagging her to wear 3 inch heels any more…? Shouldn’t correcting my negative behavior be HELPING my marriage???
Part 2 to my question is: What are things that I could do to improve my relationship (besides watching the movies)???
Related Information:
Tagged with: 8 years • Bored • common interests • english accents • fast lane • Films • great relationship • inch heels • physical attraction • power struggle • relationships • romance • second chance • sleep
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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The only clear solution is to talk to her. She is the only one who can tell you what is wrong.
May be she is just bored with her life. Since she is already married and has kids. May be she lacks that excitement in her life. She needs a goal in her life. Try helping her out with that goal. She is not telling you anything because its not your fault. You are a good husband by working and providing for the family.
you need to talk to her, not us. tell her how you feel. if you love her, tell her so. if you want to work on your marriage then tell her!! take her somewhere romantic. take her for a walk on the beach or something. Tell her that she’s important to you and that you want to spend more time with her. see what she says.
Your wifes bored with you because you have an abnormally small penis.
she doesent need a facebook thats where the cheating starts…2nd get a membership at a gym and actually use it.. 3rd watch the boring ass movies as long as you can..3rd show her how much you care.. take her out more..pay attention to her needs and do things for her without her begging you..work hard and patch things up b4 its to late
well i really really wish i could help you out.I’m matured but not that much that i can help you out for such a serious issue especially the institution called marriage.Don’t want to give u a stupid childish advice and ruin your relation.But i seriously hope there is some advice which can help you out.All i can do is pray for you…..!!Hope you have a happy marriage…May god bless you and your marriage..
I can totally understand where your coming from. I am in somewhat of the same situation. Yes correcting your negative behavior should be helping your marriage. You might try sitting down one nite and having a heart to heart talk with your wife. both do something that one another likes.
You have redefined the normal parameters of your relationship.
You are changing. Even if you’re changing for the better and can feel yourself maturing– if you are not talking with your wife about this–she could very well be feeling left out of the relationship you once had.
Yes, your relationship was immature. I know of no one who acts like this except teenagers or twenty somethings. You both have needed each other and you’ve made two children together. You need to begin to be the father and husband your family needs you to be and you do this by starting to talk with your wife.
Why not just start walking in the evenings with your wife and children. While you walk talk to her about your hopes and dreams and tell her how much you love her and that you’re concerned that you changing by not playing the manipulative games is making the two of you grow apart a little.
See what she has to say.
First thing, do you love her? does she love you ? if the answer is no than not sure how much you could do for this relationship. But I am pretty sure you both do love each other, than if you could offered it why dont you too get a marriage counselor? If not than, try to talk to her however make sure it is outside the house, and the children arent with you, also make sure you/she are not in a bad mood and chose a quit place, more or less romantic. The reasons why you need to be out with her and not with the kids, because as you already know, her attention may be totally focussing on the kids not you, and the house is associated with all the fights you had, tentions, kids, so it is better to go out. Since you are the one that is seeking the amelioration than be ready to get fussed for a bit
and bear with it. Usually ignoring is a defense mechanism, it could many things, even needing attention could push her to ignore you to see how you act toward her.
When you speak with her, do get the children involved in your argument as, you dont want them to grow in bad unstable houses, you dont want them to have bad childhood like YOU both did … but make sure not to over do it because she may feel that you only care about the kids and not about her.
Try to remember together sweet/funny/silly moments, and do this taking her out more than once until she opens up and becomes easy to talk to you.
Make sure you admit your mistakes and show regret. That is a very important key to get the other to open up. Do not oppose her much as she may try to escape the conversation and drive into a dead end argument.
Also, other than forcing your self to watch movies, try working out together, or if you have to have the kids with take walks, walking naturaly takes the bad thoughts off of your head and realease chemicals that help you feel better and think clearer and more optimistic. so actually you could take her into a walk for these conversations!
make sure to not only treat like she is mom now, but treat her more like she is still a wife and a women, women hates the way they are treated when they are only seen as mothers. Such as take her out in dates, and always make sure than at least one night a week is yours and hers alone
anyways I hope this help man, glad you are wanting this change, you should be proud, many men would just cheat or leave!
You have only taken the first small step in making things better.
You are finally doing something for yourself on your own, good.
But that doesn’t make the relationship any better.
You need to say and do things for her.
Start with a small gift and don’t be showy about it.
It can be anything; anything that shows you are paying attention to her.
She likes the god-awful 20′s movies. Find a DVD of one you either know she likes or hasn’t seen. Just leave it out for her to find one day before you go to work.
You need to make her fall in love with you, and that means affectionate attention to detail.
You should never be "too busy" for her that’s "I have a headache" in man-speak.
Start taking care of things around the house if you don’t already. Things she would care about.
Get a baby-sitter and take her out.
Then sit down and talk to her about making things better.
You both are in a rut, I can understand your boredom because you both only do things that involve yourselves. You need to establish a new routine with your wife, like having a date night. Go to new restaurants, try ethnic food, have dinner on a sightseeing boat. Go to a wine-tasting, or a mystery theatre dinner.
And learn to talk to each other, tell her you regret falling into that nagging thing, and that you want your marriage to work and build good memories together. Since you previously were nagging about hair color and 3" heels, she may have been so used to that pattern that she thinks you lost interest in her! Usually, that’s what the facebook thing is about, looking for social contact with someone that will listen to you.
So look for opportunities to get out together, all kinds of shows come to town, boat shows, home shows, car shows. Go to them all, maybe you’ll see something that you’d like to do or learn more about. We went to a boat show, my husband told me that he always want to learn to sail. We bought a Hobie Cat and sailed it in rivers, lakes and even the ocean. I like photography, and I would take pictures of dolphins jumping, and spits of land with hundreds of nesting seabirds. We sailed that boat until it fell apart and that took years.
So be open to opportunities and it will open up your life and draw you and wife closer.