To anyone who look a year or more to get over a failed relationship, how do you look back at it now?
I would appreciate anyone answering this who has taken a very long time to get over a failed relationship or marriage. How do you view what happened now, when you look back at the relationship and the break-up? I would especially like to hear how you feel about the aftermath, the year or so that you took recovering from it, do you feel you wasted part of your life or did you need to go through it, did you learn something from it all? Was there an outcome for you, is your life better or worse and how do you feel about the person who hurt you? Do you pity them or do you feel nothing at all for them? Sorry for all the questions but I would just like to know how you feel about the situation, looking at it in hindsight? Thank you to anyone who answers.
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Tagged with: aftermath • hindsight • long time • marriage • relationship
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I was married 21+ years and my ex found a boyfriend.
It took a couple years to get over it. One of the happiest days of my life was when she remarried. (8 months after the divorce) At that point, I knew I was free to go my own way. (Bible thing)
At first, I asked why a lot. As time went on, I learned it was a true blessing. Because we have kids, I still talk to her but try to keep it business. I’m not a big chatter anyway.
As for how I feel about her: I pray for her a lot. I do not trust her nor do I want anything to do with her. While I hope I do not hear about it, I know she’ll pay for her actions down the road.
The 21 years were not a waste. I have 2 wonderful daughters from it and a better understanding about whom I can trust and rely on.
I think there is a particular song that expresses the way I feel. God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.
Personally, after I sail through my times of trouble, I’m actually always and truly grateful for those periods of self-realization. It shows me that I’m strong, and it shows me that there’s nothing I can’t get over, nothing I can’t do. No regrets. I love the times when it’s just me, face-to-face with myself, downright confrontation and getting over the past.
The power is inside you. Not being narcissistic, but I love myself. I love my soul.
i broke up with my ex a year go and i am going through a divorce he cheated on me and it did effect me in a big way i was with him for 7 years and he was my childhood sweetheart,i gained weight had no confidence and thought i would never find anyone else till one day i woke up and thought what am i doing? he lost me its not the other way around i started losing weight gained my confidence back and since then i haven’t looked back i also had 2 kids with him but he doesn’t see them he doesnt want to,when we lose someone we love we all end up feeling sorry for ourselves but we end up worse off then better
its been 4 yrs and i still havent gotten over it, most likely wont
I hurt for a long long time. I remember like two weeks after the breakup standing in the shower crying, and just KNOWING that one day I would be over him and wishing that day was today…know what I mean?
Anyhow, it took meeting someone else for me to really start to feel "over" him. For a while, I couldn’t understand why he was "throwing it all away". But, eventually, I began to see the relationship for the dysfunctional mess that it was…and I began to actually be THANKFUL that he had the stregnth to break it off!
So, now, many years later, I feel nothing for him except a mild curiosity,,,a ‘I wonder how he’s doing’ kind of thing.
No anger, nothing like that.
I hope this helps,
J
of course my experience wasn a marriage but it was break up, I loved someone and she did too, of course after 3 year relationship, she said I am in Love with someone else and wanna get married, well to the end you know.
well not a year recovery, but long time, I think it’s really easy when you break a relationship yourself and you can get rid of it easily, but when such this happens you think people could be how cruel to do something like that and then hollow days you imagine but, in fact it’s not in this way you know, the life’s continuing even your love is dead, even Titanic lover could forget his love and she did too, just as the Metallica says the memories remain.
the positive point in human is custom, Habit, something like that.
I say imagine your’s dead and if he/ she is dead what you gonna do? do you can get him/her back to life, no
so you can forget it easily in this way.
I would be so happy if it works for you and you let me know about your opinion
good luck pal
bye
it was hard to get over it but i did and i think i am a better person for it. and yes he made it hard and i barely got any of my possessions from him but i eventually bought new things along with a new life ( after a long 10 years of struggling) and now i’m in a great relationship for the past 11 years. i don’t wish my ex any harm but eventually everyone goes through hard times that no one likes to see. i look at is as live and learn life is one big lesson. just remember only you knows what’s best for you and if your not happy do something about it cause no one else is going to do it for you. good luck!!
My ex gf cheated so it was mainly her fault for trying to play mind games with me. I felt that she wasted like 2 years of my life no joke but I am over it in a way.
You begin to learn self worth after bad relationships
It took me 3 years to get over someone that I cared for. It was wasted
time. I hope I never see this person again. My life is much better now,
it just seems such a waste to have spent that time grieving over a relationship that meant so little to the other person.
We were married 4 years, had a daughter, he cheated. The first time I forgave him, the second time I left him with daughter in tow..that was in January 1975.
When we got to Seattle, I filed for divorce. Because of my own "moral compass", I said I wouldn’t date till after the divorce was final in November, but even then I wasn’t ready. It wasn’t until the following summer that I finally felt "ready".
Looking back, the ONLY good that came from that union is my daughter. She has no relationship with her biological father and thinks the world of my current husband.
Were it not for her, I would’ve felt as though that part of my life was a waste – but, were it not for him, she wouldn’t be here with the "gifts" of my two grandsons. For that I’m very grateful!
I did learn a lot about myself but it took a couple years to figure it out. I believed when I left him that I’d given "my all" to make the union a success…with counseling, I know that I didn’t – more like 75%.
As for the ex, he’s on disability living in a cabin that one of his adopted kids owns. I don’t think about him unless he calls here to see if our daughter is okay since she doesn’t contact him…I think the last time he called was 2 years ago – his concern is STILL underwhelming!
And, my life is great! I’m married to an absolutely wonderful man who thinks the sun rises and sets just for me, our new house just closed and we get to move in on the 3rd of Oct! We’ve been together 18 years, married 16 and still very happy
Wow! Yes…my life is tremendously happier than it was waaaaaay back then!
hi,i am a mail and i split up from my first wife a long time ago.i lost everything that was dear to me two lovely children,my house and nearly my own life.the worst thing was i end up in a lockup ward with just a mattress on the floor.i lost so Much weight that i looked like a stick insect.but i still loved my wife and would of had her back after everything she had put me through.well i learnt allot from that experience,and after six weeks of hell i fought to get my life back.one year later i was on track again.a new wife anew job and a mortgage.so although you never forget what happened to you you gain allot from what happened.yes i am still there for my children although they now live 300 miles away.if you can keep a sense of humour and don’t stay on medication for the rest of your life then you to can find another person for yourself to love again.i say go for it.after all that is probably what your so called other half done to you.good luck and keep in touch.rubber duck.brian.x
Well, Well,
They say love, hurt, hate. These words are connected together.
The world of move on is easy to say than done. Specially when there is a child involve.
when ever i look back i see i am not only let the person make a fool out of me but i was a fool and still feel like a fool.
Foolish enough to married that person. Foolish enough to let that person make a fool out of you. Foolish enough to let it keep happening.
Since this person is so great of manipulating, fabricating story to the child, so now the child is disrespect me and treating me like a fool.
A 9 year old refused for go out for a ride, MCdonald, Ice scream, see a movie, to the park, canoe, fishing, and the list can go on.
He asked me what i do, how much i make. asked, i dump his mother.
I lost my job, so while i look for a job i am working betwen part time jobs, My 9 year old come and told me go get a life, go find a job.
Well, girl, i think the word of moving is really mean keep on going and never look back..
About 16 months for me and still counting
More due to feelings of personal failure than attachment to the ex, although that is a minor component (I hardly ever check her myspace, but why do I even *want* to?). (this was just a relationship not marriage btw)
Sometimes I remember the good times and feelings, but mostly I end up re-analyzing the trainwreck part over and over.
I think my ex is overall a good person but it turns out we’re incompatible in several important ways that I can’t deal with. I didn’t help things by losing her trust over a stupid misunderstanding. I am more upset about losing something I really wanted to work out, than I am upset with her. I wish her the best of luck with her future boyfriend(s).
It feels like I’ve just been drifting since the breakup, but then again that’s what I was doing before the relationship. I am glad for some of the downtime; I ended up reading several books on relationships to get a better sense of perspective. And there were some realizations that took even longer than a year to hit me. But overall I’ve had the feeling that I’m overdue to get back in the saddle. I’m sure there’s somebody out there who would make a great match for me.
i view it as sad…we broke up over my stepchild playing the both of against one another and now i feel sorry for my ex..as i have moved on and have met a wonderful guy of 3months now who adores me and my ex is still pining over the fact he should have listened tome and now my heart strings are no longer for him so i see his lips moving but i cannot hear him anymore..it made me a better person though cause i realized i did my best to make it work..including returning after being separated for yrs..im more forgiving in other areas of my life because of this experience