I want to get my stepdaughter and family of my husbands back to normal since my infidelity.?
I admitted to my husband, I slept with someone else and messed up last week after our five month marriage went sour. I told him I still loved him and wanted to save our marriage. He threw me out but then the next day relented and let me move back in on probation. I now have to report everything I do for the next month and sleep on old mattress in the back pantry as a punishment during that time. So I really am suffering, since its old and damp in there but I am willingly to do anything to save my marriage because I love my husband.
I have come to terms I cant fix things with my husband overnight, but whats bad our family is turned against me. His 17 year old brother who lives with us, no longer will talk to me and this morning said he doesn’t respect me at all anymore (it was his friend, who is 16, I slipped and cheated with). Before this ugly mess, me and my brother in law got along really well and were close friends. My mother in law thinks my husband should divorce me and leave me with nothing, and his cousin thinks I am a tramp.
The worst part is my stepdaughter. Shes 6 and she loved me like a mother (her own mother died two years back). My mother in law and brother in law are all feeding her crap that I am no good and she told me at dinner tonight I am icky for kissing another man. So really my family life is crumbling too pieces and I want everything back to normal. I am not ready to throw in the towel and be a 20 year old divorcee’. I am willingly to fight for my family and I need some good kind advice on what to do. Where do I start? How do I work things out?
DO NOT suggest therapy. I don’t believe therapy works and I believe its all a scam to make money off peoples problems. Advice is what I need.
And again no one needs to tell me I am too young to get married. I will report anyone who does and down thumb your answer.
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Tagged with: brother • close friends • cousin • crap • Damp • divorcee • infidelity • kind advice • love • marriage • mattress • money • mother in law • pantry • probation • sleep • stepdaughter • therapy works • Tramp • ugly mess
Filed under: How To Get Him Back
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I know you did something wrong, but you should not being sleeping in a damp pantry. That’s not healthy and you could get sick. Perhaps the couch would be more appropriate. The only thing that will help this mess, if your lucky, is time. Your husband has taken you back — that;s his decision and his family needs to respect that. I think you should have a conversation with your step daughter. Explain to her that you did a very bad thing but that you are so sorry and tell her that you really hope that she will forgive you. Explain to her that you made a mistake and so you had to go to her Daddy to admit that mistake and tell her again, that you are sorry for hurting her and her Dad and everyone involved. Next have a talk with your husband. I understand it will take time for him to trust you again, but the punishment he has given you is not appropriate. You two need to talk about what happened… you need to figure out how, why, and when things went wrong so that your not ever in the situation again. Next, talk with his family members indivdually to apologize for the hurt you caused them. Perhaps you may want to write them a letter instead. Ask them to please forgive you. If they don;t and keep up what they are doing, then that is on them and they are the ones being inappropriate. You did a very bad thing but you admitted it and that’s hard to do… everyone makes mistakes. Promise your husband and most importanty yourself that you will not do that again. THings may not work out, but, if not then life will continue to go on and you will be ok. In the meantime, just try to make things right and if things don;t work out, at least you can say you tried. Good luck dear. (Also, please be sure to forgive yourself.)
not gonna happen.
Yeah…good luck with that one.
It will take time,but live your life as the wife and mother you want to be and the person you want others to know you are. It will take time,but hold your head up,ignore the snide comments and be the person you want to be. Good luck.
Its nothing to do with your age.
Its about your maturity.
You were not mature enough to make the decision to get married.
You showed that when u slept with a 16 year old.
You showed that when you betrayed your husband and his family.
You showed that when u betrayed the kids.
They are better off without you. You should just leave and start a new life elsewhere.
I would say that it is just going to take time. I kinda was in the same situation a few years ago with my bf now. I cheated on him with my ex and he basically damned me to hell and never wanted anything to do with me. I was so miserable. But over time he eventually, slowly, forgave me and we got back together. If your husband really loves you, he will eventually forgive you. If you love him, you’ll wait for that to happen.
Wow, only 5 months into the marriage and you’re already cheating? I see your marriage lasting no longer than a year. Good luck to you. Pathetic.
Wait, so why did you cheat? Cheaters are never winners. Sorry!
PS You’re icky for kissing another man.
I’m not going to tell you that you were too young to get married, my partner and I have been together since we were 18 & 19 yo respectively. We’re now 33 & 34 yo. I am going to suggest however that you were a little immature, or didn’t take your responsibilities seriously enough, otherwise you wouldn’t have cheated. I’m going to be blunt here in my advice, and if you’re prepared to save your marriage you’ll listen rather than react indignantly.
First things first, if you seriously want to resurrect your marriage, you have to be prepared to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to regain your partner’s trust again. That may never happen though, so you have to be prepared for that eventuality too.
You also need to be prepared to accept the fact that his family are hurting and feel betrayed too, so their reaction is perfectly valid. You did the wrong here and these are the consequences of your actions.
You also need to stop minimising your actions…you didn’t just slip up and cheat, you deliberately betrayed your husband, your family, your vows and your principles. If you want to ensure you never ever do this again, you need to acknowledge just how badly you have behaved, and the fact that you are 100% responsible for your actions.
Accept the fact that things will NEVER be back to normal…your family life and your relationship is going to change as a result of your actions. That doesn’t mean it always has to be horrible, there’s a chance that your relationship could improve IF you are both prepared to work hard on correcting whatever it was that led you to turning your back on your family for the time it took you to cheat. There MUST have been something not so great about the relationship or alternatively you yourself that led you to cheating…find out what this is and fix it otherwise there is absolutely no hope of you guys ever working things out.
Five months is an incredibly short amount of time to go from saying "I do" to "I wanna do it to someone else", and you have to try to understand that this is partly what is motivating your mother in law and your brother in law into believing that you’re just no good. You’re not going to get anywhere by feeling angry at them, and slinging off about them feeding your stepdaughter crap. Accept that this is the reality that they are experiencing and realise that you’ve got a lot of work to do with them to improve your relationship there. Talk to them, apologise profusely for your actions, humble yourself and accept that they have every right to be angry with you as well. You’ve caused immense upheaval to their family. They don’t HAVE to be thinking about how difficult this is for you right now, and they never will unless you can prove to them that you’re really sorry. That means not getting indignant and upset.
It’s unfortunate that they’re talking to your six year old stepdaughter negatively about you, she’s really too little to understand or be caught in the middle of it, but at the same time you need to recognise that they’re actually trying to protect her from getting close to you BECAUSE they believe (due to your actions) that you’re not committed to the relationship or her welfare. They feel she’s better off seeing you as they do, rather than thinking she can rely on you when there’s a chance you could turn around and do this again. You’re going to have to prove to them that they’re wrong, by proving that you’ve grown from this and are more mature than your actions have proved. Tell them you understand why they’re so upset and angry with you, and that you deserve their censure. Then ask them to please not get your 6 yo stepdaughter any more involved then they already have. Talk to them about the fact that you’re concerned about how much she has been hurt already, and you don’t want her hurt any more. Explain that you and your husband are trying to work things out, that you’re committed to righting your wrongs and that although you accept they have every right to feel the way they do, you don’t want your 6 yo SD feeling any more confused about the situation than she already is. Ask them to help you work on healing her.
You’ve got a lot of hard work ahead of you if you’re going to fix this, so you need to sit down and seriously consider whether or not you have the moral fibre to do it. It would be tragic if you guys muddled along for a bit longer, then decided it was all too hard and gave up. Think about it seriously NOW, talk to your husband about all of this and really really consider whether it’s possible and whether you’re both committed, or whether it would be better to cut your losses now. A relationship can recover from cheating by one of the parties but it takes a hell of a lot of work by both of you, and a hell of a lot of forgiveness on the behalf of the one who was cheated on.
Maybe divorce is the best option, especially considering that you’ve only been married 5 months and are already committing adultery. Separation may be painful, but you are definitely not a good role model for the 6 year old. I would divorce a spouse who behaved the way you are immediately rather than risk breaking up later when there may be mutual children involved.