I need some help/advice about my characters and prologue…?
I’m trying to write a novel, because I love to write and because I thought of something that I think is original, and interesting. I’ve shared the story with a few of my really close friends, and they all said they liked it. But you know how friends can be… they’ll say anything to make you feel good. So I’m not sure if I really believe them. Could you read my prologue and the descriptions of some of my characters, and tell me what you think? I want to know what you honestly feel about it. Don’t lie, please.
Here are the main character’s personality descriptions:
Ariana Chase: Ariana is 17 years old. She is anti-social and pessimistic, but she has a good sense of humor. Ariana has little patience with most anyone, and she can be very stubborn. Ari is klutzy but she’s smart, and always gets A’s on her reports; but she isn’t a nerd. Ariana is a proud vegetarian. She never wanted a boyfriend, but ended up with one anyway. Romance isn’t something she’s interested in. Ari has a caring and understanding side that she doesn’t show very much. She’s good at lying and acting, but she doesn’t do either very often. She’s also very artistic, and loves little kids (they’re the only people she has any patience with).Ariana can easily pick up on people emotions, even if they aren’t giving any sign of how they feel.
Owen Chase: 14 year old Owen is a kind natured kid. He’s very sensitive, and patient with people. Like his sister, he’s smart but not in the same way as Ariana. Owen can think fast to get out of sticky situations, and he’s good at thinking of plans. Owen is very observant and curious. He tends to overreact to things. He’s a fast learner.
Juliet Chase: Juliet is Ariana and Owen’s mother. Juliet has lots of secret plans and is the protagonist in the story. She’s cruel and harsh. She never lets people off easy, and she doesn’t give any second chances. Juliet overreacts a lot.
Jacob Parker: Jacob is Ari’s boyfriend. Jacob has a good sense of humor, and like Ari has little patience. He can be romantic once in a while, and when he tries to around Ariana, it gets on her nerves. Jacob can be rude, and a lot of times speaks or acts without thinking. He’s very outgoing and hardly ever gets embarrassed. Jake tries to act smart around Ari, but he can be very dense at times. He can be a bit of a show off, and he doesn’t even realize it. Jacob has a good sense of direction, and doesn’t get lost. He can be very secretive, and is good at persuading people. Jake is 17.
Nakia Overon: Nakia is also 17 years old. She is Ari’s best friend, and they have known each other since first grade. Nakia is very caring, patient, and optimistic. She can find good in just about everything except for raisins and the color pink. Nakia isn’t girly, but she’s not a Tomboy either. She can be shy and stubborn.
This is the prologue:
Rain poured down on me, beating into my skin. Soaking wet hair clung to my face. A faint sound called to me. Like an angel calling me to heaven, it sounded sweet and gentle. I was almost sure I was dead. What other explanation was there for all of this?
“Ariana,” the sweet voice cried out, “Ariana, where are you? I know you’re here.” Brush rustled softly, but it sounded faint. Everything sounded far off and in the distance, as if it were slowly fading away.
Groggy eyelids began to fall over my tired eyes. Hunger rang in my stomach, like someone in jail, rattling the bars to try to escape. “Ariana? Come here. Help me find you. It’s Jacob. Ari?”
Please tell me what you really think of the prologue, and the characters. Feel free to give any writing advice, and suggestions for things you think I should change. I also want to change Nakia’s name, so if you have suggestions, please tell me. Also, I want to change all of their last names, but I don’t know what to change them to.
Please give me truthful suggestions, and tell me what you think of the characters and prologue!
Thank you!
Related Information:
Tagged with: 17 years • advice • ari • chase • close friends • emotions • goo • good sense of humor • humor • jacob parker • little kids • love • nerd • novel • owen chase • patience • personality descriptions • Prologue • protagonist • romance • second chances • sense of humor • sticky situations
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Prologue is too short. It’s just alright to me. There needs to be more to keep me interested.
Beware. Your characters DO NOT seem likable (to me at least, by the description). It would make the story not an enjoyable read. I’ve had troubles with this before, but it can be dealt with easily. You do not want to have a story where the reader feels they don’t like the characters. That needs to be fixed.
:] I’m sure that when you’re done working it all out it’ll be great.
"beating into my skin". Beating onto.
Juliet is the antagonist not the protagonist.
"Brush rustled softly." Confusing.
"Groggy eyelids began to fall over my tired eyes." Confusing and weird sentence.
"Hunger rang in my stomach." Also weird. Use a different verb than "rang".
I like the character’s descriptions, but the prologue is too short and vague. I have no idea what the story’s about or if it’s scary…romantic…action-packed…You get my point. The writing is decent, there just needs to be a little more of it. Or maybe you should show us the plot before showing the prologue. It would help make it more interesting.
As for names for Nakia….How about Emma, Izzy, or Trudy? Just from her description, those names seem to fit for me. & Last names? Try using your friends, or people you know. You can also search the web. Try to avoid using last names that can also be first names-it makes it a little less convincing.
Hope I helped!
Good Luck!
wow, you’re very talented. i don’t know why your asking for advice you should be giving me advice on my writing skills. for a first i actually want to keep reading it. i never want read people’s work. only thing was Arianna’s liking to kids. example, she has very little patience toward anyone except kids. i don’t know about you but kids is the one thing people don’t have a lot of patience for. it’s just the attitude for other people and kids don’t match up. but that’s just in my world, what do i know? but i like it i really do.
It’s surprising. I read this expecting to find something bad, but instead I found characters who I could relate to and may have actually seen or met! I feel like your characters could be real people. I also love how you don’t have a Mary Sue (read: Bella Swan) as a female lead. And I can just see how cute Jacob will be when you write him. The only thing I would suggest is that you give Jacob a lot of patience rather than only a little, because that would create waaaaay too much friction between Ari and himself. Instead, make him understanding of her bad moods.
Great start! Good luck!!!!