Don't know how to feel about my boyfriend's ex-wife. Found a receipt, So confused…:(?
This is my first time posting like this, but I need to hear unbiased views. I don’t know what to feel, but right now i am hurt. Am I over-reacting?
I’ve been dating a guy for almost a year and we are very much in love. It was a love at first sight thing, we took time to get to know each other, but ultimately knew we were for each other. The problem is he is 9 yrs older then me, I’m 29, and he has been married before. He was divorced for 3 yrs when I met him, and has a 3yr old w/ her. He was always open and honest, and even tells me he is embarrassed to talk about issues with her because he sees that it makes me uncomfortable, and I told him early on I don’t know how I really feel about that. Anyway it was never a problem. She lives in another country, where he is from and his family is there. He lives and works here. I know he sees her when he goes back, and talks to her frequently but briefly when his son calls to talk to him. Again it’s never been an issue and he was so open and honest about it, I am not the jealous type. His son was just here with him for a couple weeks and he just went back to drop the son off to the mother overseas an is returning shortly. The day he left he asked me to go buy his house and do him a favor so I did, he had misplaced a CC the night before and I thought I knew where it was so while I was there I checked for the CC in this box on the kitchen counter that he throws everything in. I immediately saw this receipt from Victoria’s secret for some underwear. I had this bad feeling in my stomach, they were purchased a few days back, and I just knew they weren’t for me since he hadn’t given them to me. When he landed that night he called me and I asked about it, first he told me that they were for me and he seemed weird and then told me he would call me when he got to his house because his father was with him picking him up at the airport as usual. When he got home he called me and told me he was going to be honest and it was weird before because his dad and son were with him. He said they were for his ex wife. He didn’t even know what was bought, he had went shopping here with another couple (that are from the same country so they know the ex wife), I couldn’t make it, and while they were they’re the ex called and asked if he could pick up a few things for her from here and some of the requests were underwear from VS and he actually had the female from the couple he was with talk to her and go pick up the stuff with his CC. Did you catch that. Somehow I believe him, but it still doesn’t make me feel good. He has never done anything like this before. When I told him it was the fact that why was everyone so comfortable with her request for underwear and his getting it, even if he didn’t pick it out/up himself. He says he is sorry for hurting and agrees it was stupid and says he will never do something like that again. But i feel like I can’t trust him…he says it was completely innocent, why do I feel like it’s not? Even though I really don’t think he would do that. When we talked about it he was really sad, then a spurt of him feeling like I was looking through his stuff and feeling like this incident will taint the relationship, his last relationship was like that (after and the reason for the divorce) and she kinda stalked him, but he did give her reason too. To a point of him being like I don’t know what else to say, I would never do that to you, i didn’t do anything wrong, it was innocent but inappropriate. Overall, He wants me to stay with him and forgive him, and he is open to working on it. But now I feel weird, I feel uncomfortable (its only been 2 days), and I don’t think I can handle the ex-wife thing. She has never been an issue, but I really allowed him the freedom believing that he was doing the appropriate thing because he didn’t prove otherwise. I am sure his feelings are real for me, he wants to be married, we discussed it, he is the one that brings up marriage, I feel like I am not ready yet.
Am I over-reacting, or am I being naive? Anyone gone through something like this?
he is the one that brings up marriage, I feel like I am not ready yet.
Thanks for your comments, let me clarify somethings:
1.) The couple does exist, because they were watching his son while he was working, during the son’s visit. He has offered to have me call the female from the couple, I declined
2.) The divorce certificate is real
3.) his point is if he did want to be with her, he would because it would be much easier and he can live in his home country, where his son is. But that is not what either wants
He admits what he did is inappropriate, and he is apologetic, and he wasn’t trying to hide anything. He states that he will never do something like this again…..but I just don’t feel the same anymore….. I don’t know if I’m cut out for dating a divorcee..
Related Information:
Tagged with: couple weeks • dad • Ex Wife • few days • jealous type • kitchen counter • love • love at first sight • receipt • stomach • underwear • victoria s secret
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
You are over reacting because you are afraid of the commitment of marriage. If you really love him find a way to work through your fear and forgive him for not thinking.
Are you sure she is his "ex" wife and not a current wife? How sure are you? Have you ever seen the divorce certificate?
I would not just take everything he says for a fact with him. If he says the other couple was with him at the Victoria Secret store and picked out the underwear, ask for their phone number so you can call them and confirm that statement. I am pretty sure he is never going to give you their number because that couple simply does not exist. And even if it does exist, it has never been with him at the store at that time.
Here is what you should do. Ask him for the number of that couple so you can call them and confirm his statement. If he starts "you don’t trust me", "you’re like a stalker", etc, and won’t give you the number, then you will know he is 100% lying.
If he gives you the number and has no problem with you calling there and confirming his statement, then you will know that he was honest and has nothing to hide.
Don’t feel weird about insisting to double-check his statements. He has already LIED to you once ("these underwear I bought for you"), so you should have no reason to believe him again.
I agree wth Tweenky here, make him let you speak with the couple and confirm his story, also ask to see a legit divorce certificate if he cannot produce either of those or doesnt want to show you then run for the hills.. He has already lied to you once with the "they were for you" statement and he is covering his tracks.If his story is legit he should have no problems backing it up and shouldnt get defensive. If he claims hes uncomfy because his ex wife and him fought like this that could be another red flag, perhaps theres an underlying reason they are not together. perhaps he lied to her andbought another woman underwear. Err on the side of caution.
Dump him! Don’t accept excuses.
He lied to you at first.
It is not normal to buy underwear for his ex.
So they divorced about the time his son was born? That’s really bad.
He’s full of it. He wants you to believe that his so called ex wife contacted him and wanted him to buy her underware and he was so confused that he had another woman pick out the underware and claims he doesn’t know what was bought for the so called ex. The truth be told he asked his wife what size underware does she wear.