Help, is my marriage dead? My husband ignores me all the time & not because I don’t try to talk to him.?
My husband goes out without me a lot. When I ask to spend time with him it starts a fight. We have been married 10 years with 2 kids. I am tired of being the one who initiates everything from going out to dinner (all 4 of us) to sex. He won’t talk to me. Every time I bring up the issue that I think our marriage is in trouble it starts a fight with him yelling and screaming at me & I am making a conscious effort not to raise me voice with him to try to avoid a fight. He tells me if I am not happy to call a lawyer. I would like to save my marriage, but I wonder if it is worth saving? Should I stay for the sake of the kids (who adore their father) or should I leave to save my sanity?
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Tagged with: 10 years • amp • conscious effort • lawyer • marriage • sake • sanity
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Wow, that sounds pretty dreadful. You do have choices, though:
1. You can continue to vascilate between being ignored and being screamed at.
2. You can be a doormat, cut yourself off from your own emotions so that you don’t drive yourself crazy, give your husband all the space he wants, stay home, initiate sex so that he can feel satisfied in that area, and pretend that nothing is wrong for the next 50 years.
3. You can calmly explain to him that you love him, and your family, and that you believe that this is worth saving, but that you need help, and would appreciate an opportunity to work with a counselor before calling a lawyer.
4. You can run for your life, and for your children’s lives, too. What are you teaching them about marriage, anyway? That it’s okay for daddy to ignore and yell at mommy? If you give it a good, honest try, but can’t work things out, then you and your children will all be better off without all of the drama anyway. And then your husband can find someone else to ignore and yell at. You deserve so much better.
How long has this been going on? Is it some kind of new phase or it’s been like that for years?
I was in the same boat as you. I left him and he came begging me to come back. Once I was gone I felt like a ton had been lifted off my shoulders and I never went back.
Truth is `you are not happy` so call that lawyer.
I’m sorry that I don’t know what to tell you because I guess it could be a number of things but when I was married, my ex-husband became like that and I found out why. He was cheating on me and I guess was giving the single life a test-run. He did it when we lived in Germany with all of his buddies and although we had separated (I went back to the states), he did it again after promising that he would change and that he cared, blah, blah, blah…I don’t know but the whole fact that he gets so defensive was something that my ex did and now I know why. I hope that it’s not the same situation for you as I would not wish what happened to me on my worst enemy. However my experience is the only advice or just words I can offer you. Good luck and take care…
save your sanity~ kick his butt out though you and the kids
need the roof over your heads more than he does
kids know that parents are unhappy, don’t stay together
"for the kids sake"
they will be better off being w/one happy parent then 2 miserable ones
call his bluff….call the lawyer…I obviously think that he is not as committed as you…..and what is he tryijng to hide when he pics fights when you are only trying to discuss your feelings on what is wrong…I most certainly think he is hiding something from you …good luck : )
What does he enjoy doing? Maybe you could try participating in the activities he likes. If he starts yelling stop talking about it.