My Boyfriend is a Recovering alcoholic. but i am scared he will drink again. i am wrong for not trusting him?
i have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and he has been sober 1 year 1 month. at first his drinking didn’t bother me cause it wasn’t bad or i thought it wasn’t. 2 years into our relationship i broke up with him because i didn’t like his drinking. we broke up for 6 month.he looked for me and we started talking but took a while for me to go back with him. he would stop drinking and then start again. we went through so many years like that till a year ago he said he was done and he hasn’t drank since. but just this past weekend we bump into friends and family he use to drink with and i think that is a dangerous situation cause i think he could start hanging around with them again and start drinking again. i told him what i was feelings about his old friends and it turned into an argument. am i wrong for not wanting him to talk to them anymore. he stoped drinking all by himself no AA. so i am affraid of him going back to the drinking. i would not want to be with him anymore if he starts drinking again. and its scary to loose him. but i don’t think i’m wrong by not wanting him to keep in touch with his drinking buddies. am i wrong? or should i trust him? its hard to trust him after so many years of me struggling with him and his addiction. one thing is for him to say HI! how have u been and saying see you around and not sit there and talk all night long. please give me some advice. what i should do?
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Tagged with: aa • Alcoholic • Bump • dangerous situation • drinking buddies • feelings • friends and family • hasn • old friends • one thing • relationship • year 1
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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So he’s been sober for 13 months and you’re worried that he’s bound to start drinking again because he isn’t in AA? Wow. I don’t even know how to respond…that’s simply outlandish.
Here’s the deal. AA does NOT get people sober. People get sober when they want to…not because they join AA….and if you’d been in that program as long as I was, you’d know what I mean, because you’d have seen it with your own eyes.
My advice is that you stop listening to whoever is telling you that alcoholics are doomed without AA. I don’t know what else to tell you except that this is a bald-faced lie.
Here are some links you might be interested in:
http://www.peele.net/
http://www.orange-papers.org/
your not wrong because if you dont trust him you must have a good reason not too
the biggest thing with recovering alcoholics is dependence, they would depend on alcohol as an escape or a relief from other things in their life…everybody has different reasons but they are still reasons that draw them to the bottle. You as a person that he trusts, need to be there for him with support but also give him ultimatums. Put things into perspective for him, don’t threaten him but ask what he values more, you or his friends, put the ball into his court and see how he handles it. Yes you need to be there for him but dont tell him that because he might focus on the fact that you will be there no matter what, but still support him in ways you know he will appreciate…I hope this helps…. i’m not a professional but i have dealt with alcoholism personally in relationships and find that this works….if they care about you then they will try for you
Its a great thing that he isn’t drinking anymore and that he has decided to do stop it on his own. But, yes it could start again! He cant avoid friends but he could politely avoid long hours with them. You could accompany him and probably he could have a cola. Or order for a non-alcoholic drink.
The best thing that will help in the long run would be to ask a person who is already in a AA group to invite him to a AA meeting and understand and listen to the experiences of everyone who have been through this phase and how they are learning to cope with the truth. You dont suggest it because he will retaliate and not go at all. He will not admit that he is an alcoholic and it could get worse because he will fear the fact that you dont trust him and will not see clearly that you are only trying to help him out. Please choose your words when you speak to him. They also have a group for woman who are associated with alcoholics so they too understand how to cope and move on with their mates. There is a lot of patience involved here. I hope you opt for this because it will help you in the long run. Its a sickness that can be cured. Love him more and he will be the best spouse youve ever asked for. Never demean him with the problem, instead put yourself in his shoes and then act further. Life is a learning process so gain from what you learn and help others in the same situation.
I have friends who are on their way to sobriety and are doing very well. Im wishing you all the very best and i hope my answer helps you to decide well for yourself and your mate.
God bless.
You cannot stop him to hang out with his friends or talk to them, talk to his friends and tell them what has been going on so that they won’t give or push him to start drinking again, you should trust him this time and tell him that if he do it again you will leave him and this time he won’t find you, if he love you he should be able to make this sacrifice and fix his life.